Stay Strong, Never Surrender

Trapped.

It was hard, the first few weeks, seeing his face everyday but learning to fight the urge to just hug him. I found that I was stronger than what I thought, and I could hold it together. But my panic attacks became more frequent, I felt suffocated. I hated that I pushed Jasper away, it created emotions that I know very well.

Pain, hurt and regret.

When dad had left, I felt a piece of me had gone with him, that piece never fully quite came back, but without Jasper I felt like I lent him my heart, and that hadn't come back either.

I almost wished that he'd notice that he couldn't live without me and somehow try to get back with me, but he didn't even try. I guess I now know how much our relationship was worth to him.

Days grew longer, and time flew past, before I knew it I was taking exams and studying day and night with Diana. It had been a good 4 months without Jasper.

Monday 16th June. I went to the shops do buy some milk as we had run out and mum completely forgot. As I walked back home, treating myself to an ice lolly, I suddenly heard the squeak of tyres and feel myself get pushed into a car. The grips of a rough hand hold me in place. I look up to see steel grey eyes. Terrified, I manage to keep my mouth shut, words wouldn't come out.

"Emily Davison, I know a lot about you, and if I were clever I would listen very hard and not scream." I nod, gulping loudly.

"As you know, your acquaintance Jasper Clarkson is not agreeing to do something that his mother wishes and we have tried all the techniques, but his stubborn nature won't let his opinions budge. So we have found that there is only one last way, someone else has to persuade him. We found that in his dreams he repeatedly says your name, we have a feeling that you are someone important in his life. Therefore we need your help." He looks at me expectantly.

"Wh-y would you ever think for even one moment that I would want to he-lp you?" I stammer, still trying to regain my voice.

"Because if you don't help us then you'll regret it. I mean it." I try to make myself feel confident, but I knew that he could do things that could ruin my family.

"And if I help you, you'll never have any contact with me ever again?"

"Absolutely."

I can feel tears prickle up, I need betray him, after all he has done for me. I have to do it, it's the only way. But is it right?

"Fine, what do you want me to do?" A grin creeps up on his face and I immediately feel sick.

"I want you to persuade him to join the gang, and I want you to do it in less than 5 days, Joanna's health is getting critical. Also, that won't leave you anytime to back out. " my eyes widen, five days, I haven't spoke to the guy in 4 months.

"Joanna- as in Jaspers mum right?" He looks at me, flustered. Suddenly he fidgets with his fingers, I don't know what I said.

"Yeah, but you can't tell anyone her name, it's supposed to be top secret, ok?" He suddenly looks so frightened, if just the name of the woman frightens such a bulky looking man, I wonder how scared I should be of her.

"Whatever." I shrug, I don't really know how to react.

They pushed me off on the same curb that they had took me in. A part of me wanted to stay right there and never go back. Another part of me wanted to run home and lock myself there. And another part of me was relieved, Jasper still liked me, he dreamt about me, I was still part of him. The most sickening part was that I liked that he still wanted me but knew that I was never go back with him.

I knew what I had to do, but that didn't mean I wanted to do it.

I ended up running back home. Running, I've started getting good at that.

**********************

Walking back to school that Monday morning was very hard. Seeing that tall building gloomily awaiting my presence so that I could do what I had to do. I patiently waited for the right time and the right place. That's when I saw him, walking breezily into school with his shades on and his hair gelled up to all different lengths. I hadn't set my eyes on him since the break up, and unlike what Diana thought I haven't even looked up when he was around. Jasper was - well he was Jasper, apart from the fact that he was about to be part of some crazy gang. Rumour has it that he's already started on the drugs, so I was bewildered why he hasn't just gonna ahead and left.

I payed close attention to Jasper. Over the months Jasper had turned a new leaf, and let's just say I didn't really like it. He went back to dating girls, but they were all older than me and from different schools, so I couldn't even try and make friends with them and try to get him that way. Jaspers parties were also the biggest talk in our school as held some of the best parties ever to be held. I had obviously never been invited to one, but it wasn't like I ever wanted to go. But I knew, the only way I could get close to Jasper without him walking out was in his own home.

So misson number 2 was hard, to get close enough to talk to Jasper.

Mission 1 was harder...

I needed to get invited to Jaspers party.