Complicated (Thorin Oakenshield x Reader) [Slow Updates]

Chapter Seventeen

(Y/N) does her best to conceal her heavy breathing, not wanting to betray how winded she is to the others. Why in Sauron's name are there so many stairs?! They've only just made it to the bottom of the outcrop where the eagles had placed them, and the sun is already midway through the sky. Now that they've made it there, they stop briefly, waiting for the stragglers to reconvene with the group.

Feeling a tap on her shoulder as they start moving again, she turns to see Kili smiling at her. The lad keeps pace with her as they walk near the front of the group.

"You know, you being an assassin explains so much! The strangely good fighting skills, the aloofness - you having something like that on your plate makes so much more sense than you hating all of us!" Kili exclaims.   (Y/N) smiles sheepishly, scratching the back of her neck.

"I'd wager it does, haha . . . I apologize for making you all think that, by the way. I hope you understand that being amicable was truly the last thing on my mind," she says, humor in her voice. Come to think of it, she hadn't exactly been friendly. Kili nods vigorously.

"Well, of course not! I'd imagine having to murder someone weighs on your conscious quite a lot, no? I mean, when we were younger, our mother took Fili and I out hunting, and I couldn't even loose an arrow on an elk! Granted, that was like 60 years ago, but the point stands!"

(Y/N) chuckles. Man, this kid can yap.

As they each recount their childhood stories for one another, the rest of the company soon begins listening in, too, the air alight with laughter. As it turns out, time really does fly when you're having fun.

"Wait, so you're telling me you guys managed to accidentally set Thorin's beard on fire? How?!" (Y/N) is practically grinning from ear to ear as she tries to envision the scene they describe. Fili's face flushes with embarrassment.

"Well, to be fair, we were only in our thirties!" he tried to explain. Kili's grin was nearly as wide as (Y/N)'s.

"Yeah! It's really their fault, honestly, leaving fireworks lying around where children can find them and all," the brunette says matter-of-factly. (Y/N) giggles, shaking her head. Thorin turns around, interjecting for the first time in their conversation. She's afraid they're going to get an earful at first, but soon realizes that isn't the case.

"Oh please, Kili, we all know that you swiped those from the vault, Durgin saw you sneak out," he says with a humorous glint in his eyes. (Y/N) raises her eyebrows. I think this is the least stuffy he's been all trip, she thinks, surprised by this side of him. She had assumed by now that he lacked the ability to joke.

As they all walk, the sun draws closer and closer to the horizon. Once it falls below the mountains, they stop, setting up camp for the night. They settle into a large alcove, where everyone lays out their bedrolls.

(Y/N) falls back on hers, listening to the crackling campfire and murmurs from the company as she watches the sky fade from orange, to purple, to a deep, rich, blue-ish black. Stars appear in the night sky as if out of thin air, and she finds herself counting them as she sits there, doing her best to distract herself from her troubling thoughts.

Unfortunately, though, this proves to be of no use. Before long, the voices of her companions start to fade as they drift into slumber, and she's left with only her thoughts to keep her company as sleep evades her. Slowly, she reaches into her pocket, pulling out the aspen-wood ocelot carving and turning it over in her hands.

I killed her . . . indirectly, yes, but I let that happen. Am I a monster? What's wrong with me? Who does that to their own kin?! Their flesh and blood? Oh, Eru, I can still see the look in her eyes . . . the blood on h--

Her thoughts are cut off as someone lays out their bedroll next to hers, sitting down beside her. Hastily, she tucks the carving away.

"Trouble sleeping?" Thorin asks, voice low as to avoid disturbing the others. She sighs, sitting up and resting her head on her knees.

"I suppose you could say that. I just . . . can't get Annabelle out of my head," she says, furrowing her brow as she stares into the smoldering fire. "I'm not sure what I'll do without her . . ."

Thorin nods at this. Silence remains for a moment, the night air still. He shifts his bedroll around a bit, leaning back on it.

"I know what it's like to lose your kin . . . it's certainly not easy," he pauses for a moment, looking down at his boots. "After the Defiler beheaded my Grandfather, Thror, I had nights like this, too - sitting awake for hours, sleep naught but a distant memory. Tragedies like these haunt the mind, after all."

She smiles half-heartedly at his attempts to comfort her.

"Don't I know it! I . . . I just need to toughen up is all. I can't dwell on this forever, after all!"

Thorin chuckles softly at this comment, and she gives him a confused look.

"In all fairness, Lady (Y/L/N), a day has nary passed since the event. I think you can afford yourself a little more time to grieve," he states, an uncommon softness in his blue eyes as they meet hers. She laughs quietly. He continues.

"Even so, it is in your best interest to get some sleep, ghivashel. The path ahead shall not be kind to the weary," he says, before getting comfortable on his bedroll, draping his surcoat over himself as a makeshift blanket.

(Y/N) nods, following suit and getting comfortable on her bedding. Before long, she hears slow, steady breathing beside her. She turns her head to look at him; his expression looks oddly peaceful when in slumber, a contrast from his usual furrowed brow and stern expression. She feels a pang of fondness tug at her heart.

I don't . . . I don't think I entirely regret my decision, she finds herself thinking as her eyelids flutter closed. The realization makes her chest feel lighter, if only slightly.

As she drifts off into slumber, one last thought crosses her mind.

I wonder what "ghivashel" means.