Alone With Ross

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Flashback

But none of those wishes were answered as the familiar noisy truck came purring beside me and Ross came quickly and lifted me up from the ground and gave me a tight hug, making me feel even worse.

"I was so worried." Ross breathed out into my hair. And I struggled to get out of his grip, and he released me immediately.

I was breathing heavily as I quickly started wiping at my face. but it was no use. "Why aren't you mad?" I asked, defeated.

Ross smiled sadly at me and shook his head. "I don't know, I'm just relieved I found you." He shrugged and put his hands in his pockets.

He's acting like it didn't happen..,

This is good, right? He probably was just caught up in the song, and those words tumbled out of his mouth in the heat of the moment. That's it.

"Look I-"

"Caspian We-"

We both spoke at the same time and stopped awkwardly staring away from each other.

"You first." Ross offered.

I sighed and glance at him again, then averting my eyes to the ground. "I just wanted to say, that I am sorry for running out and making you worry." I fumbled with my hands and kicked a rock at the ground.

Ross nodded his head and ran a hand through his hair, looking defeated. "Let's just get in the car, this is going to be long." He mumbled, fetching his keys out of his pocket.

I followed him into the cab of the truck, and I kept my eyes towards the window the entire time. It felt nerve wracking that he wasn't playing music or anything, he just drove silently.

But his voice broke the quiet as he spoke sternly. "I'm not going to apologize for how a feel." He said simply. "And I'm not going to make an excuse for it either."

I felt like bolting again, but this clever bastard was going 70 on the highway right now.

"I love you Caspian." He said firmly, making me shudder.

"You can't possibly be serious?" I asked incredulously. And I brought my feet up in the seat and hugged my legs. "You can't love me."

"But I do." He retorted making me scoff. "Maybe you don't understand the exact reason why I chose that time to say it, but I've been planning this shit for awhile now." He said quietly.

I finally looked at him perplexed as he was gripping the steering wheel tighter.

"How long?"

He looked towards me briefly, before looking back at the road. "You don't want to know. But what you should know, is that it's okay-"

"How fucking long." I growled.

Ross sighed before answering. "The night of your birthday, when Mama Vi called you into her office."

I paled and my hole body froze at this new information. And I closed my eyes tightly. "Please don't do this, don't make me the bad guy."

"You're not the bad guy Caspian, I'm not mad, I know how apprehensive you feel about love, but you can't always assume the worst." He grabbed at my hand but I ripped it away.

"But that's the thing Ross, I never, ever thought when I was a child that my parents were going to die, I thought they were going to find billions of new species of plants and name one after me. But my dad died, and my mother is on her fucking death bed. I never thought of the odds that I was dating a future rapist, I definantly wasn't thinking anything negative when I was getting high off my ass." I huffed and looked at him. "My problem isn't seeing the worst in people or situations! My problem is seeing the best in them! Okay? I stopped getting my hopes up a long time ago, because goddamn it Ross, I can't handle another fucking heartbreak, so how do you know that this wont end in a huge wreck?" I asked exasperated.