Alone With Ross

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October 27, 2012

After I said the words, I felt the effects. I felt the truth behind my words.

I truly did need a break.

I was getting fed up of being on my toes, I was tired of being afraid, and most of all I was fed up with Ross.

He in my opinion is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love him, and how he knows everything about me, but that's the thing. He also knows how to annoy me till no end.

He knows all of my ticks, he knows just how to get under my skin.

And I just let him.

I mean sure sometimes I send him hollow threats, or I physically make him stop. But the fact that he got some kind of enjoyment out of making me feel like shit was terrible.

This is what I have been doing, going through all the reasons as to why this was a good idea, trying really hard not to regret my decisions. But I did. I regret it terribly, because I was all hot headed in there, I was the kettle in that moment and I can't help but be angry at myself in just resulting to breaking up instead of staying there and talking it out. I feel stupid.

It's hard enough having him being the only one that takes my burdens, but when you take him away, what do I really have left?

Now that I'm thinking about it, I jumped into a relationship, into love, without really thinking about it. I didn't think about how strange our relationship would've been seen to others (which really shouldn't matter, but that's partially the reason why this has happened) I didn't think about the possibility of how awkward it would be if we split up, I mean I live in the same room as him for crying out loud.

I mean, what am I going to do when I have to go back in there tonight?

We've slept on each others beds so much that neither of them belong to us individually, but us together...

I haven't slept alone in months...

He's still going to be there, that much I know, but this is another reason why I am starting to regret this. It's going to be unbearably uncomfortable in that room. I'm going to have to constantly resist the urge to scream, or just start a fight with him just because I can.

I didn't think anything through, and now that I am, I'm just realizing all of the things I have done wrong.

"We moved to quick, didn't we?" I muttered to myself as I sat by the small creek. I grabbed a rock and chucked it into the water before groaning and lying back on the grass.

Who's to determine how fast we were moving? Is it just up to me and Ross? Would he get mad if I told him?

"I knew I'd find you out here."

I pushed my head back and squinted to see Piper standing above me, and I sighed and looked towards the clouds again. "Yeah, you've got me." I said quietly. "What now?"

Piper sat down beside me and shrugged her shoulders. "I think you should talk to him."

"I literally just broke things off with him though."

"He's not okay," She shook her head. "Look, I shouldn't be telling you this shit, because in all honesty he's no good for you, and at the same time he could possibly be everything you need, a-and, I just don't know what the right thing to do here is." She grabbed a rock and threw it in frustration and she huffed as it just hit the other side of grass, missing the water completely.

"I need time, well, more time." I brushed it off. "Piper, how fast did Ross and April move when they were in a relationship?"

Piper grimaced. "Faster than you and Ross, that's for sure." She grumbled. "They were disgusting, and I'm not saying that because I was jealous, but because it's true. They were passing all the milestones, and yet at the same time they were stuck in the honeymoon phase... It was strange."

I pulled some of the dead grass that was below me. "Did they not fight?" I felt my stomach churning, at the thought of Ross' older relationship being a thousand times better than ours.

"Of course they did. But April just had this way with words, she knew how to shut people down before anything bad happened, and she was just, amazing." Piper leaned on her arm lost in thought and I shook my head as I looked towards the sky.

Once again, I am still no match for April. I am nothing compared to this girl that has captured both Piper's and Ross' heart. I mean, she's not even here, and yet you can still feel the impact she left. You could feel Piper's hurt and grief, and you can feel how optimistic Ross is about her, and on how he somehow knows that she's doing bigger and better things, despite what was said in the letter that Piper received from her.

The only thing I want to know is, why is it that April has still kept contact with Ross and not Piper? Does that mean she wanted him? Or did Ross harass her to the point where she gave in? He seemed happy anytime they were on the phone, I haven't seen him take a phone call from her since we started dating, but what if he's just doing it in secret?

How did I end up here? I came out here to feud about Ross throwing my insecurities in my face, but now all the sudden I'm questioning weather or not he was faithful? If he is still talking to her would it be counted as cheating?

I sighed, bringing my hands to my face. "How did I end up here?" I said aloud.

Piper laid down beside me this time and laughed a bit. "I was wondering the same thing actually. Just imagine how boring things would be if we didn't have you here to turn our world upside down.." She teased making me smile.

"Maybe you guys would be better off." I said, lost in thought.

"Shut up." She whacked me on the stomach. "You're Bumpy Roads finest."

"So, the best of the worst?" I snickered.

"You have the biggest chance out of most of us on getting out of this damn town. I mean, you weren't exactly sheltered growing up, so you have a better understanding than most of us here do. I mean, Ross' parents are loaded, I had a pleasant up bringing, Danny is slow sometimes, I mean you have the mental and physical capability to do whatever you want, and to be who ever you want." She rolled over to stare at me and I rolled over too.

"You're smart too." I whispered.

"Yeah, but I have major anxiety when it comes to interactions with strangers."

I frowned. "You seem pretty well adjusted to me."

"That's the thing, you take your worst quality of yourself and make it seem like the best to others. I've been fooling everyone for years." She chuckled.

"Yeah, me too..."

••••••••
HIYA HOW ARE YOU GUYS?

IM SO HAPPY RN BC  (drumroll)

ALONE WITH ROSS HAS REACHED 110K !!!!

THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING.

-Aliah