Alone With Ross

•86•

Everything happened in a blur.

I started the journey off with selling almost everything in my apartment, I wasn't too attached to certain things. I was only limited to a bag of clothes and a stack of journals, but all of my files and memories are going to be in a storage unit in Indiana, just so I could have a reason to come back.

After paying the rest of my lease, I packed my lame 2004 Jeep to the brim with things I was assuming I couldn't live without.

When in my heart I knew the thing I couldn't live without wouldn't be able to come along with me this time.

I had condition myself to stop thinking about him during all hours of the day. That part was easier said than done, I wish I could do something about the nightmares, but sadly it's out of my control.

The drive to Indiana was too long. I had already listened to all the music I had downloaded at the halfway mark so I was just left to listen to my crummy radio.

Vi greeted me at the door with a smile and open arms. Her hair was cut a tad bit shorter, and rather than her usual floral shirts and khaki pants she was wearing some jeans and a lavender blouse, even dawning some makeup on her face.

"Wow, Vi." She pulled back to look me over as well.

To say I went through a change was an understatement. To avoid having to fix my hair every day, I shaved it. I left some on top, not willing to let it all go. It was simple and easy. I had even gotten a tattoo in between packing and stressing throughout those two months.

It spanned across my upper back, and every time I had looked at it I was reminded of someone who had changed my life forever.

The concept of time, decisions and the butterfly effect had me reeling for days as I thought of every little thing that had led me to meeting him.

I shook the thought away as Vi let me inside. "You'll have to stay in my office because I have a full house, but the kids are at school right now so you can relax." She looked at me knowingly as she took my bag from me and I smiled back at her before heading for the stairs. Remembering the feeling of the wooden rail, and that the 7th step always creaked.

I was face to face with the door. How many times had this been slammed out of anger, or shut for privacy? I let myself be taken back, pretending I was once again sixteen, opening up the door to tell him to stop singing so loud, or that dinner is ready.

But opening the door to an almost barren bedroom had brought me to my knees with grief. The room was clean and tidy, void of any trace of our time together here. No posters, no disheveled blankets or random to-go cups scattered on the dresser. I closed my eyes, trying to get rid of the memories that were bombarding me.

Every kiss, touch, every I love you was all coming back to me at full force.

"Caspian, my arm, it's numb." He groaned, waking me up and I rolled over so he could get his arm out from under me and get his blood circulating again. He looked over at me smiling, making me hide my face in a pillow as he chuckled. He trailed his fingers along my side making me squirm. "Last night doesn't feel real." He said so quiet, that he must've said it to himself. I brought my face back out to see him already looking at me, he brought his hand up to cup my cheek, bringing me closer so we could rest our foreheads together.

"I love you." I finally spoke making him smile as he said it back. The words were a whisper that spread across my face making me lean forward to try and collect them together again, to gather the three syllables up and inhale them into my lungs to have me suffo-

"I have to write." I sprung up, forgetting the fact that my chest was bare but I just threw and arm over my chest as I scrambled for my journal.

He groaned. "What could you possibly need to write, right now?" He tried to grab me by my waist to pull me back to him but I twisted out and sat on the other bed, my hand cramping at how fast it was moving.

"Everything. I have to write everything or I'm going to forget a-and I can't- I won't forget this, not a second of it." He let me do my thing, swaying his bent leg back and forth as the blanket just covered his groin and nothing else I put myself to work in writing how perfect he had looked in this moment. How perfect he had looked every moment, before, during, after.

"You know what?" He said quietly, trying to respect my need to get my words out, I simply hummed in response as he kept looking at me. "I'm really proud of you."

I opened my eyes again, tears falling from my eyes without my permission and straight to the floor.

"Ross." I had finally cried out his name after months of going without it. "I need you."

•••••

You don't know how bad I wish I could be like other writers on here and just produce chapters daily, but I'm me, a perfectionist so it takes me awhile to produce chapters because I type, and edit furiously. 

And I did something I said I wasn't going to do, but I just started writing for another story and this one is going to be freaking crazy, but it's going to have to wait until I'm in a groove with Coming Home 2 and Repeating Days.

Thanks so much for reading and voting it means the world.

Love, Aliah