Alone With Ross

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The goodbyes never came, not once had either of us said it, because we both couldn't bare the thought of this being- of us being over.

I cried on the plane ride home, more than I have ever cried in my life. I cried when I finally found my car in the airport parking lot. By the time I had gotten to my apartment I had ran out of tears to shed, so I went to sleep to escape my thoughts.

I woke up in the middle of the night after having a bad dream, I can't be bothered to remember it now but I just know in my heart it had every bit to do with Ross.

This cycle of crying, sleeping, and stuffing my face with junk in between, continued on for three days. On the third day more mail was added to the pile in front of my door and I had to talk myself into going through them just for the sake of not having my hot water turned off.

In the mail was a letter from my university, the basics of the letter, was to warn me of my not showing up to classes, and that Columbia material would never act in such a way, it's a privilege to go to Columbia, not a right.

So I emailed the administration.

And filed for resignation.

I couldn't explain the feeling after I had sent the message. The first was devastation, at how much time I had lost studying, and writing essays, the second would probably be disbelief.

You're throwing your life away.

The next day I had called Vi whilst crying over expired milk. I told her everything in what felt like one breath.

"I don't know what I'm doing with my life, but I know it's not college."

I couldn't go back. But after two days I allowed myself to look at some articles only to be disappointed at how a "source" had given the tabloids news of me dropping out. The article made sure to put emphasis on the fact that I took what I had for granted and that I have 0 chance of making it.

As of right now I am dressed in Ross' old hoodie, some jeans and a random pair of slippers as I made my way down to the publishing office. My hair was put up into a messy bun, and my sunglasses hid my dark circles well, as I walked through the lobby, the receptionist acknowledged my presence and pointed me toward the back, I called earlier to schedule a press meeting.

Because air needed to be cleared and I needed to move on with my damn life, once and for all.

As I walked into the conference room, I was slightly shocked at how many people had showed up, and as soon as they had seen me, they all stood as I made my way towards the podium.

Random clicks and flashes went off and to the side Janice stood, judging my outfit of choice before speaking into her own mic.

"I would like to thank you all for joining us today, let's try to make this a civil as possible, I understand you guys have a lot of questions left unanswered, but I'm here to reassure that Caspian will try her very best to answer them all for us." She looked over at me and gave me a nod and I sighed, pulling my sunglasses off and setting them to the side, trying my best to ignore the gasps.

"Uh, first question?" Immediately everyone began talking at once, shouting my name as their hands went in the air, I just picked at random, not really being able to see over the flashes.

"Caspian, so just to put it out there, a straight answer, the story is true?"

"Yes, now of course I changed some things, but the basic plot line of the story is true." I shrugged.

"Is it about you?" Someone shouted, and I put my lips in a tight line, before nodding my head.

"Second." A girl toward the front raised her hand. And I nodded toward her. "Why the secrecy?"