Alone With Ross

•84•

I had to leave for Baseball practice. I'll be back this afternoon.

-Ross

I folded the small letter and placed it in my new journal. By the time I woke up again it was one in the afternoon and there was no trace of Ross' presence.

"Where the hell are you?" I said to myself. Finally getting up from bed and letting my brain settle to reality.

Reality is, I ran away from my problems. I ran straight to Ross. I have a whole life back in New York waiting for me, but I'm on cloud nine in Utah of all places.

I was fresh out of the shower, reading a book in the living room by the time Ross got home.

Home.

I could hear the rustling of paper bags and I peeked into the kitchen to see he had brought groceries. He wordlessly began putting them away, but his mind seemed to be worlds away. I stepped in when he was about to put a carton of eggs in the pantry.

"You alright?" He jumped at the sound of my voice but recovered quickly and nodded.

"Oh, yeah, practice got out a little late and then I started to remember that I needed somethings for the house." His voice was distant, making my stomach churn with anxiety.

He continued putting food away and I watched quietly. I would help, but I have no clue where everything goes.

Because this isn't my home.

I slouched as my thoughts got darker, I don't belong here, the further and further Ross seemed to be getting away from me it became clear that this isn't my world.

The cherub babies would never be mine, this house, that bed, the cat, will never be ours.

"I'm sorry." Ross' voice brought me out of my thoughts and I looked up in confusion. "I didn't mean to get the wrong idea about... well us."

"Huh?" My mouth stupidly hung open.

"You came here to escape drama and Rider, and I'm not making it any easier for you." He gripped the counter. "It was all just in the heat of the moment anyways. I was just beating myself up because you actually heard me play last night, so I 100% take back the things I said, because it wasn't right, you're vulnerable and I took advantage of that. Sorry again." He cleared his throat finally looking at me and I had finally closed my mouth.

Oh.

"You're sorry?" I was still processing his words. "Ross, you don't have to apologize, if anything I should, I mean I practically dragged you though hell and back, I published a book without your permission, I accidentally expose details of the story, and leave us in this between stage of friendship where I'd randomly call you, and you always, always, no matter what you'd be doing or where you were, you would pick up the phone and just listen to me complain about my day. Despite the fact that I literally spat on our relationship and walked away like it was nothing, I'm a terrible person by the way." I was practically wheezing by this point. "Then after all of this shit I put you through, I call you up again, crying, begging for help and you gave me help even though I don't deserve your kindness. You let me come here and disturb your safe haven, a place you have made your own after I ruined everything. And now I'm here and I'm envious of your life and the things your surrounded by and I keep getting these visions in my head that this house is ours, and strangely enough there's these two kids that I keep seeing, just nestled up beside you, and I've never wanted anything more in my life than to have that cheesy ending where you and I have a shotgun wedding, and have kids, and a dog and a damn white picket fence! So don't tell me that your sorry, because I owe you my life, I should be the one apologizing to you, a thousand times over. You have no idea how much you have given me."