DIVINE THREADS

|34 - Still love her |

Shivansh p.o.v:~

I stared blankly at the white wall infront of me while sitting on the floor holding her photo frame.

It had been five years and two months since she left me. Truth to be told I deserved this. I know I broke her trust and didn't believe her love.

I thought that l loved her but no I attracted or it's my infatuation her. If I ever loved her then never blamed her, I trusted her that I never did.

That day in hospital, Arjun told me that she wanted divorce, I realized her worth, her love, her care and her value in my life.

I was jerk really a jerk who didn't believe over some video.

I never deserve her because she was, she is still goddess full of purity and I was, I am still dust under her feet.

Fear of losing her that day was something that pained me until today.

She signed the divorce papers, she didn't want to see my face. So I never showed her but couldn't sign the papers.

Now I wanted only happiness for her even if she will have someone in her life.

In these five years, I got to know about love.

Love is feeling that gives you happiness along with tears. It give you freedom, wings to fly wherever you want. May be I gave her freedom but didn't trust her.

Trust is main key to love.

I didn't trust her and I had lost her.

But if I will live away from her so that she can feel comfortable then I will.

All these years, a day never went when I cried for her, I begged for her forgiveness from God  but she never came.

I lost everything that I loved once.

My family lived in small house when we had nothing. I completed my studies in govt school, I went college with help of scholarship.

I loved Trisha, after sometime married her.
Finding happiness and achievement I was happy but I lost my baby then adopted Aarav. I was protective towards Aarav because I never wanted to lose him like my first baby.

Later losing Trisha I became rude and had trust issues that caused fell apart from my Shree.

I must've trust her witnessing her bond with son but what can I do?

When I saw the video my fear that someone hurting my son brought protectiveness outside and I bursted on her.

I really didn't mean, I feared that I will lost my son. Thoughts were coming like that Shree hurted him, she took him away from me.

I know I sounded like mentally unstable person which I am.

From past two years, I started visiting psychologist that helped me to heal me.

I learnt to control my anger, tried to trust. At first I didn't trust the doctor. The doctor treated me with very patience.

At first it was Hella awkward to tell him about my life and gradually I did because I had to heal myself for her.

My grandparents also passed away, it was very sad for me and my family. It happened after a year when she went away.

They explained me how was I wrong. First grandmother died, within a month after her death, my dadu also passed away.

My siblings still didn't talk to me because how I treated Shree and didn't let them help her.

I was blinded with anger that didn't think how this all things effect her.