Your Icy Blues (Frerard)

Part 4 ~ Helena

My finger traced around the doorknob, eager to turn it and walk out, until Gerard had stopped me. "Well, why are you nervous then?" I stared at my hand, and started to slowly turn it.

"Wait Frank!" He held out a hand begging me to come back to him "Why were you going to leave in the first place?" He questioned me back, which I hated. I never understood why people couldn't just answer my question first, before asking another damn question.

"Well," I stopped and turned my head his way looking up at the ceiling, then matching my eyes with his. "It's been like an hour and we haven't done anything, so.." I dragged the 'O' making it sound longer than it really needed to be.

"No I'm sorry. I was kinda wrapped in my phone and it's just.." I put half of my lip down making a sideways face and nodded my head, agreeing with him "I-it's just, that..." Gerard dropped his head so that he was looking at his crossed legs.

"What?!" I spat, getting frustrated with his stuttering and hesitating.

"I," he sighed one last time and looked back up at me "I just found out my grandmother died." He curled his trembling lip out slightly, and squeezed his eyes tightly, trying to not cry in front of someone he barley even knew. I stood there, my eyes wide, unsure of what to do. I dropped my bag and ran to him and flopped myself on the bed. I sat across from him, cross-legged, our knees touching.

"Come on Gerard, it's gonna be okay." I rubbed his arm which was resting on his thigh. I felt sparks again, but now really wasn't the time to get feels from Gerard, "Come on," I spoke soft and sweet, trying to calm him down, which was obviously not going to be possible. 

"It's not okay Fra-ank" His voice cracked "She taught me almost everything I knew." He planted his face in both of his hands trying to hide his urge to cry. I frowned at him. I didn't like to see Gerard in this condition. I turned and leaned against a wall, while his pillows supported my lower back. 

"I'm sorry Ger-" He thrusted his face into my chest so his head was resting a little below my neck. I wrapped my arm under him and gently stroked his back. He finally let go and started sobbing into my  'i am a monster i am a monster i am a monster' shirt. It was my favorite shirt, but I'd give it up for a person I secretly loved, who was now snuggled up into me... and destroying my shirt. I sunk a little lower so I was now laying down to reach the radio and turned it on with my foot. A soft song was playing which was good for was was happening.  'When You Can't Sleep at Night by Of Mice & Men' I pressed my lips on top of his head trying to comfort him, which wasn't really helping. It just made him cry harder. Way to go Iero.

Unsure of what to do I started singing which was weird, I wasn't much of a singer, but more of a screamer, but I was good of enough to sing... I hope. 

'Here in this world I’m awaked with mistake

but its love that keeps fueling me

Fueling me' I realised I had to change the word 'Lady' to 'Baby' because, Gerard was no woman.

'Pretty little baby with your swollen eyes
Would you show them to me?
I know I’m not that perfect
But you stay awhile
Baby, then you will see
Miles away I can still feel you
Lay your head down on my embrace
My embrace
Far away…
Pretty little baby with your swollen eyes
Would you show them to me?
I know I’m not that perfect
But you stay awhile
Baby, then you will see
Don’t give up, Baby
I know that its shaky
Just let love consume us
Consume us…
Here in this world I’m awaked with mistakes
But its love that keeps fueling me
Fueling me to love you
Miles away I can still feel you
Lay your head down on my embrace
Be not afraid to love me…
Pretty little baby with your swollen eyes
Would you show them to me?
I know I’m not that perfect
But you stay awhile
Baby, then you will see..' 
 

I moved my hand to Gerard's side and massaged it a little feeling awkward singing that song, considering he wasn't bi or gay. And we weren't in a relationship. I brushed my lips against the top of his head and gently closed my eyes. "Gerard?" I mumbled quietly into his long jet black hair, in case if he was asleep. I opened my eyes, to look at his chest to make sure he was still breathing, and he didn't die of sadness. If that was possible.. He had stopped crying, laying into my drenched shirt of his own tears. About 15 minutes had passed and I was still laying there, uncomfortable with sleepy Gerard laying on top of me, praying for him to get up so I could go home. What if Mikey walked in on us? Would he be mad seeing me cuddling with his older brother? Gerard leaned more into me, throwing his arm from my chest to my waist, tightly squeezing it, hearing soft snores coming from him. Oh great. He was sleeping with his mouth open. Drool and tears. I let go of my worries and threw my head back on his pillow. I gave his back one last rub. 'Should I just kiss him? He's asleep it's not like he's gonna feel it right?' I closed my eyes to think, but quickly blacked out. Mom was NOT going to be happy with me.

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THE NEXT DAY
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 I woke up the next morning, my face in someone's hair. It's probably Sweet Pea. I started scratching Pea's hair gently, even though I don't remember her hair being so long. I curled up on my bed hugging Pea a little tighter. When did she become so, muscular. I digged my face into her now long black hair and kissed her gently. I loved pea... Until I heard soft snores. 'Oh shit.' I snapped my eyes open and pulled back from the so called 'sweet pea.' That wasn't Pea... and this isn't my room. I pulled back to see Gerard's tear stained face, with his hair stuck to his face that dried in it. He moaned slightly, from me leaving his body, exposing him to the cold air. Well this is damn awkward. 'What the hell am I even doing here?'

"F-Frank?" Gerard mumbled without opening his poor eyes that were sewn shut from tears. Last night's tears. I remembered. The awkwardness, the cuddling, the crying, the singing, the grandmother... Gerard finally opened his glossy swollen eyes and matched them with mine. He obviously remembered at that point too, and was about to burst out in tears. I hated seeing Gerard cry. I really hated seeing anyone cry, but with Gerard, I felt like I wanted to murder anyone who made him cry.

"I didn't know you were here." He propped himself up with his elbow and let out a depressing sigh. I could see how badly he wanted to cry. Whats worse than seeing someone cry? Seeing someone wanting to cry.

"Shhh," I whispered "It's okay. I'm here. I'll be here for as long as you want." I said crossing my legs pretzel style, which these skinny jeans made it almost impossible to do. "You can cry, if you want dude. I don't care." Gerard sat up right leaning against the wall. I took that as my chance and sat on his lap. He wrapped his arms around me tightly, and I did the same with him, pulling each other together until there was no unwanted space between us. I fiddled with my skeleton gloves still holding him in my arms. 

"It's h-horrible." Gerard nuzzled his face onto my chest crying a bit. I released one arm that was linking with my hand and brought it to his face, gently stroking his cheek with my knuckles.

"I know." I whispered while resting my chin on the top of his head. I wish we were together. Then I could just hug and kiss him until he was better. Unfortunately, we only met a few days ago. "Does Mikey know about it?" I dropped my hand from his cheek and onto my lap. 

He shook his head wiping away the few tears that had fallen from his eyes. "I don't think so." He muttered. "He's probably at school."  Our eyes shot open wide and finally full awake when we heard that last word. SCHOOL. Shit. I pulled away dropping my jaw a bit. We both looked like two retarded owls having a staring contest.

"Oh great."

RE UPLOADED TWICE CAUSE OF WATTPAD MEH. Enjoy!