Second Bite of the Apple

Chapter 45: Under Attack

I took a deep inward breath and felt it hitch in my throat. My chest was straining against the material that hung around my sternum as my breathing became more shallow and rapid. I don't know why the statement had caught me off guard so much. I knew Karen must have been suspicious. She knows me better than I know myself and she works with Laura five days a week.  How could she not know?

I wondered how much she knew. Had Laura confessed everything or was this mere assumption? I wanted to ask, to know more. I wanted every little detail. I wanted to break down, to sob into the fold of Karen's shoulder about how difficult everything had been and how much I was struggling. Tears has never been necessary though, one look told Karen everything she needed to know. However, at this moment in time, my pain and my suffering was irrelevant. Laura was the one in trouble and in need of help, not me.

My mind started to wander; thoughts coming thick and fast, forming all sorts of scenarios on my head. Karen knew. If she knew then who else had figured it out? Who else knew? One name came to mind: Ethan. I hoped and I prayed that he wouldn't sink that low but who knows what he was capable of after having lied to me all these years. Matt too, what about him? I bet him and Ethan are best chums again, planning how best to get their revenge on me over a pizza and a crate of beer.

I wanted to kill them both! I wanted to make them pay for destroying my one shot at happiness!  How dare they interfere in our life? Laura's pregnant - not that they know that of course - she doesn't need all this stress. What if something awful happened? I was terrified yet furious and trust me that is not a safe combination. I knew I had to find them, to demand an explanation. Or failing that, to make them pay for what they had done. I was a lot stronger than  I looked. Matt had over powered me once, but not this time. I was no stupid intoxicated teenager now. 

"Sian. Sian!" Karen's voice broke through the surge of anger tearing through me.

"What?!" I snapped. "Sorry," I muttered.

This wasn't Karen's fault. She shouldn't have to bear the brunt of my frustrations. This couldn't have been easy for her either. I should be grateful, she kept our secret for as long as she could. Now it was out of her hands.

"It was Matt,"  I snarled. "He did this!"

"You don't know that," Karen started, her tone soft and precarious.

"Yes," I retorted defiantly, "I do. It was Matt. I'm gonna kill him!"

"No!" Karen stepped hastily towards me, causing me to flinch. "No, Sian. This is not the answer, please just calm down and think this through."

Karen had fastened her hands around my fragile wrists. I could feel the pulse in my veins throbbing relentless against her warm grip. Anxiety and panic rose up through me. I could feel a sense of desperation and claustrophobia. I just wanted to escape. I had to. I needed to sort this.

"Let. Me. Go."

"No, I won't let you do this."

I squirmed against Karen's grasp, trying to free myself and break away. She too was stronger than I had ever given her credit for.

"You can't stop me! Let go, you have no idea what you're getting yourself in to. Just let me go! I have to fix this. You can't keep me here forever!"

Karen's tone never wavered. Like always she remained calm, considerate and collected.

"Please, just listen to me. You need to stay calm.  This isn't going to help Laura."

"I just want to find Matt and Ethan! They're going to pay for this! If I can't help Laura then I can at least make sure they regret the day they interfered in my bloody life! Just let me go!"

My voice was rising. I had never shown the sort of composure that Karen did every day. As much as I respected her for having the patience and demeanour that she does, that wasn't about to stop me completely losing it. My pulse was quickening against her hold, driven on by pure loathing. She didn't understand how much damage they had done. 

"Let me go!!!"

I'd given up. I twisted my wrist around in Karen's hand, managing to free myself from her grip and wrench my body away, freeing my other arm in the process. I turned sharply on instinct towards the door, desperate to get my own back. I felt Karen's hand close around my wrist once more, pulling me back around to face her.

"No! I am not letting you go."

With that she pulled me tightly into her arms and held me against her chest. I remained rigid for several moments before allowing my cheek to sink into the crook of her neck. My breathing was still shallow and my head was spinning. I wasn't sure my legs would support my weight, but Karen seemed to be keeping me afloat. I took a deep breathe and let the familiar scent of digestive biscuits and old books fill me up. The anger I felt started to thaw, allowing me room for thoughts. I started forming plans, conversations, solutions... Anything I could to find a way to make this better; to make it okay.

"I was going to ask her to marry me," I mumbled into Karen's shoulder eventually.

My voice was timid, barely audible. Part of me wasn't sure I wanted to be heard. I was scared of being judged, of having all of my ideas shot down before they had even began.

I just made out the sound of Karen's breath catching in her chest, followed by a slow inward breath. It took less than a few seconds for her to regain composure, as though I had simply been talking about the weather. Her body drew back from mine and I was expecting to be met with a look of shock or anger. What I didn't expect was the watery stare I was now receiving.

"I never thought I would see the day where you were planning a future, Sian. After everything you've been through. You truly are a remarkable woman."

I was stunned. Speechless. I didn't know what to say or do. So instead I slumped back down into the chair behind me, tucked my knees up to my chest and waited... At least another half an hour passed before footsteps could be heard on the corridor and the handle turned...