Second Bite of the Apple

Chapter 44: Only Time Will Tell

So I waited...

And waited...

Time didn't seem to be moving. The only signal that any time had passed at all was the gradual alteration of the position of the clouds and sun in the sky. The more time that eclipsed, the greater my anxiety became. The soft wispy clouds and gentle breeze were no longer enough to calm me. I couldn't relax. My mind was in overdrive. Perhaps she had changed her mind; perhaps she was lost. Don't be silly, she knows this place like the back of her hand, just like I do. I used to think she knew me as well, but the closer we've become, the further I've felt from her. She's so different from the mysterious woman I first stumbled across in the corridor that day. Her intense gaze spread so rapidly through me, touching every nerve of my body and igniting something I had never felt before. It was raw and organic and I was hooked immediately. I wanted to taste that again, like the very first time but I didn't know how to re-capture the feeling. This was my only chance. I knew it was a long shot and if I messed it up then we would both be alone again in this scary place. I don't think I could cope with that, not now I know what the alternative is like.

I wasn't that far from the school. What was taking Laura so long? She could at least have the decency to tell me she's not coming, rather than stand me up. I thought I was worth more than that. Then again since when has anybody ever shown me any sort of respect or even a second thought? Something told me that I needed to stop hanging around and letting people walk all over me. It was time to let go and give up. Laura didn't want me.  She had her life now and her chance to have a family wasn't far off either. She was bound to want somebody that could really care for her. Why would anyone want me?

Trying not to feel sorry for myself, I picked myself up off the ground and brushed myself off. I kept my phone in my hand just in case. I didn't want to miss anything. I was torn between slinking back home and staying in bed for the next week - depressed, alone and ashamed - or I could storm up there and into Laura's office and demand to know why the hell she felt it was okay to keep playing with my head and messing me around. Decisions. Decisions.

I decided on the latter. Or at least partially. Lying around in a ball of self-pity was not going to improve the situation or make me feel any better. I may as well go back to school and try to keep busy. I could just lock myself in a practice room and block the world out. And if Ii happened to bump into Laura... Well, I would deal with that when it came to it. Slowly I started to make my way back towards school, trying desperately to fight down the surge of anger coursing through my veins and the tears prickling my eyes. I was stronger than this; better than this. I was better off alone; always have been and always will be.

The school gates loomed out of the distance a lot quicker than I needed. I wasn't quite prepared yet.  I still wanted to be alone with my headphones in and my music turned up... Loud! No such luck though. I made my way across the drive, not giving a fuck whether I was walking on the grass or not. The place was dead anyway. I stayed safely in my own little bubble as I picked my way towards the doors at the far end of the East corridor. I purposely made sure I would be as far away from the music department as possible. I decided it was probably best to stow my headphones out of site before I entered the building, just in case Mrs Stanford was on the prowl. I was so busy winding the wires into a precise, neat little ring that I didn't hear the footsteps behind me. I didn't notice them drawing closer, or hear the panicked rush of heels upon concrete. I was oblivious to the echo that they created in the old, stone colonnades. It wasn't until only breathing space separated the footsteps from me, until I sensed the presence of a body behind me, until a hand reached out and grabbed at my shoulder that I turned. Only then did I notice the police car parked ominously outside of the front of the building; only then did I hear Karen calling my name frantically... Only then did I feel her clutch at my shoulders as I span around, her face flushed with blood and her eyes widened in alarm. Like wild fire, the panic etched so clearly across her face seemed to flow right down her arms and in to me, using that small amount of contact as a transfer point. I could feel the particles of trepidation disperse through my body, encasing the original feelings of anger and hurt and taking over rapidly. I didn't know why, but something felt very very wrong. I knew something terrible must have happened to have Karen this riled up and running all over the school, seemingly looking for me. I wondered what had gotten her into this state. If something had happened then why hadn't Laura let me know? It would have only taken her a minute to keep me in the loop. Why am I always the last to know?