Second Bite of the Apple

Chapter 30: Quiet Please

Chapter 30: Quiet Please

I dropped down in my seat, avoiding eye contact with anyone, and took a few steadying breaths. I knew Mrs Darby was right, but this wasn't the time. The rest of the lesson passed without much interruption. It was a welcome break to just sit back and listen to Laura teach. Her voice washed over me like the tide, cleansing away all the fear of this morning. She too seemed more relaxed, something that rubbed off on us all. Despite the fact that she had us working on the last day of half term, not a word of complaint was heard all lesson.

When the bell rang just under an hour later, everyone was strangely subdued. Every part of me wanted to hang back after class; pretend I had a question about our half term assignment or needed some extra reading material. I knew I had to pack my books away and file out with the rest though, anything else would arouse too much suspicion. I had to put some distance between us, just for now. It was time to stand on my own two feet again for a while, instead of relying on Laura to catch me when I fall and provide my perfect alternate reality when things get tough. I was still just an ordinary girl with mundane problems, like coursework, and revision and sleep deprivation.

I spent all of break time wandering around the grounds, feeling a little lost. I didn't know where to turn. I kept my head down, desperately trying to avoid having to interact with anyone. I just wanted to speak to Laura, to hold her, to kiss her lips. Instead, I wrapped my arms around my own body, trying to keep the warmth in as an October morning chill tore through my delicate shirt. By the time the next bell rang, I had a plan.

I made my way back through the building, feeling a slight tingle in my fingers as my body started to heat up a little again. Thankfully, the herd of students heading to lessons meant I could easily blend in without detection. When I reached the library, I extracted myself from the crowd and pushed through the heavy wooden doors. It was the ultimate escape; no phones, no talking, no Laura. It's rare that I spend any time in here so the chance of anyone tracking me down was minimal. Carefully, I wove through the tables and between the shelves towards my preferred desk in the corner. From here, I would be invisible to anyone coming in. In fact, with the exception of the directly neighbouring table, nobody else in the library could see me here. Well, not unless they needed a book on engineering (the shelf behind me) and happened to wander into my midst.

I pulled some paper out of my bag, followed by my Psychology textbook. I'd decided to make a start on the next unit, ready for next half term. Dr Lawson had told us to read and make notes on the first double page spread, so naturally I was on the fourth. Strangely, I was quite enjoying this topic, even though I didn't agree with a lot of it. I started picking my way through the details of dieting failure and success, smiling to myself at how true some of the facts were. I'd just read the heading 'The role of denial' when I felt a hand in the small of my back and a shadow fell across my work. I snapped my head around to see Laura leaning over my shoulder, a playful smile on her face.

"I'm studying!" I whispered angrily, surprised that she had tracked me down.

"Say no more," she held both of her hands up and backed away, "I've got work of my own to do."

Then, much to my annoyance and amusement, she sat down at the neighbouring desk with several pages of roughly scribbled notes, pulled a pen from her hair and proceeded to write. I took a deep breath, determined not to let this phase me. The words on the page before me were swimming before my eyes. I forced myself to focus on each word, then the next. I got through a sentence, but I hadn't taken in a word. I read it again, still without having a clue what it was I had just read. The silence was deafening. My heart beat was so loud I was certain Laura could hear it thumping against my rib cage. The scratching of her pen on the page was painful, the ticking of the clock ominous. I was breathing too loud, I stopped. Now my head was spinning. I took a large gulp of air, filling my lungs, then exhaled slowly with my eyes closed.