Second Bite of the Apple

Chapter 10: Email My Heart

Chapter 10: Email My Heart

A mixture of relief and fear swept over me as I left the office. Once in the corridor, I was suddenly overcome with a sense of vulnerability. I didn't want to stay here. Head down, I almost run through the Maths corridor, which was the quickest route to the front gates.

Once safely beyond the perimeter, I plugged myself in to my headphones and turned the music up to full volume. 'By the Grace of Gid' accompanied my walk through to the main street. I kept the dynamic up; it was the only way to keep unwanted thoughts at bay.

I made it home in record time, scrambled up the dtairs, slammed the door and flung myself face first onto the bed. I could feel years of pent up emotions rising to the surface. My breathing was ragged, but I was determined to be strong. Eventually, exhaustion took over me and I drifted in and out of an uneasy sleep.

When I stirred, it was dark outside. It had to be after midnight as all the street lamps were switched off. The only light was the glow from the power button on my laptop. I realised my hand was tingling from where I had fallen asleep on my arm so pushed myself into an upright position, stretching out my back and arms. I knew there was no use in trying to sleep again so decided I may as well try and get some work done.

Still encased in darkness, I switched my laptop on, flooding the room with an refulgent light. The first thing I noticed was a new email flashing at me. It was Laura. I can only presume she got my email address from Darby, either than or she has a very good private investigator.

I felt a pang of guilt shoot through me as I read her words. I could almost hear her voice as though she were here next to me. She'd signed off with her initial and a single kiss. Sent 8:42pm.

Crap, it was 3:09am now! Now I felt even worse. Laura probably thought I was ignoring her or something. Oh well, better late than never. I hit reply.

I paused. Wow, I don't think I've ever struggled so much with writing an email. I tried to mimic her tone and followed suit with how I signed the message. I re-read several times before I finally worked up the courage to press send.

I made it as far as opening a word document and typing out the title 'Discuss two theories of the formation of romantic relationships' before my email was blinking at me once more. Really? It's 3:15am! Who's emailing me at this time?

It was Laura! What on Earth is she still doing up at this time of the morning? Surely she hasn't been sitting there waiting for my reply. Has she? The relief that came pouring out of her email indicated that perhaps she had been waiting. For me.

We kept on that way until light began to seep through the gap in my bedroom curtains and a faint birdsong could be heard.  After a few exchanges, my inhibitions completely disappeared. Even with a screen between us, she still managed to have an effect on me. For the first time, in a very long time, I felt close to okay. I made it through the night with not a single flashback and I felt safe, and protected. It was surprising how easy Laura was to talk to. It just felt natural.

Once the sun had fully risen, me and Laura both decided to sign off and get ready for school. I headed for the shower but left my emails open in case of any impromptu messages from Laura. 15 minutes or so later when I emerged, the bathroom was so full of steam that my head went fuzzy. I sat down on the edge of the bath for a minute until I felt a little steadier and then grabbed my make-up bag. My reflection was indistinguishable from the build up of water vapour on the mirror surface but instead of wiping it entirely clear I ran my finger across the cold surface, forming a slightly wonky heart shape. I felt like a little kid again, drawing pictures in the rain drenched car windows, back when nothing really mattered. 

Make-up done and hair twisted into an elegant knot at the base of my neck (mainly because I was too lazy to do anything else with it), now what to wear? Maybe something a little more classy today? Whilst the idea sounded good in abstract, my wardrobe wasn't so keen to engage. Eventually I settled for a black semi-opaque chiffon blouse with a gorgeous scarlet lace bra underneath and a pair of leather look fitted trousers. I was just wriggling into the trousers, when I heard a car beep outside. Hopping slightly, still trying to get the trousers over my thighs, I headed to the window. In the usually deserted driveway, there was an unfamiliar red Chevrolet. Strange, nobody except Ethan ever drives round here in the morning. Just as I turned away from the window, having finally conquered the leather trousers, I noticed my email flashing again.

Laura: Your carriage awaits my lady x

That settles it, she really has got a private detective! Far from being worried, I felt a sense of exhilaration. I felt like finally I was living my life rather than letting it pass me by. I grabbed my bag and a pair of red patent flats and made my way down the stairs, attempting to hurriedly do up the buttons on my blouse. I piled myself into the front seat of the car and was greeted by pearls of laughter.

"What?" I said indignantly, turning to face Laura.

She glanced down over my chest, her gaze resting on the pairs of shoes in my hand. I followed her gaze and realised just how much of a hysterical mess I looked. I think it was safe to say I missed 'classy'. In the rush, I'd somehow done my buttons up wrong, resulting in a very large portion of red lace being visible. Crap!

I was relieved to see Laura was still smiling. I slipped her an sheepish grin before diverting my full attention to the button dilemma. I could feel Laura's eyes following each movement as my fingers stumbled slightly. Finally looking a little more respectable, I nudged my feet into my shoes and signalled to Laura that we were good to go.

"Do you mind?" I asked, indicating the radio.

"Not at all," Laura replied.

The final verse of Eleanor Rigby sprung out of the speakers. 

"I love this song!" Laura exclaimed in delight,

"Really? Me too! It's my favourite by far."

Laura went on about The Beatles for a long while after the song had finished. Listening to the sound of her voice in the early morning was more beautiful than any birdsong. I could stay here in this moment forever.

Sadly, all too soon we were approaching the school drive way. As we rounded the corner to pass through the gates, I slunk down in my seat so that only the top of my head would be visible to anyone driving past us.

"What on Earth are you doing?" Laura chuckled.

"Well, what if we get seen?" I hissed, feeling my cheeks burning. "I mean, what if I get seen?"

Apprehension was starting to creep back in and I felt a wave of dread submerse me as I remembered the events of yesterday afternoon. I knew I couldn't stay by Laura's side forever. I'd have to go back to reality soon. Registration, lessons, studying... Back to the girl I'm supposed to be.

"Sian... Relax."

And I did.