Second Bite of the Apple

Chapter 41: Just The Beginning

Chapter 41: Just The Beginning

As soon as the icy rain hit my face  I realised just how threatening my final words had sounded. Part of me wanted to turn straight back around and go and apologise on bended knee whilst sobbing for Laura's forgiveness but the other part of me stood firmly by my closing statement. This certainly was not the end, it couldn't be. Laura was all I had right now. Whatever it took, I would not let Laura Foster just walk out of my life and dump me, not now, not ever. Exactly what it was going to take though I hadn't quite figured out. 

I didn't have the strength to keep up a false pretense any longer so I headed straight out the front entrance and towards the gates as fast as my trembling legs would allow. I couldn't think or see straight. The rain had soaked through my flimsy clothes in minutes and turned my fingers to ice. My mind was slowly numbing too. Each thought murged into the next until I couldn't distnguish one painful memory from the next. Ethan was tormenting me, laughing as Laura cuddled up to some tall stranger without a face. Then she was leering over me, watching as Matt thrust me into a wall and attempted to remove my underwear. My legs gave out at this point, leaving me panting heavily on the curb, doubled over in pain. It all felt so real. I felt sick to my stomach as I realised that everyone who had once meant anything to me had used me and abused me, leaving me literally in the gutter. Nobody cared whether I lived or died. Nobody would even notice I were gone.

As that thought wrapped itself tightly around my mind, everything started to go hazy. I could feel the street slipping away and darkness clouding my head. Sharp pains tore through my chest like razor blades but instead of letting the darkness out, the wounds they caused only made it easier for more demons to invade. I thought I knew what I was getting into with Laura. Sure, it was never going to be a fairytale, but pregnant at the hands of a stranger? That wasn't how I forsaw any of this ending. But like I said, this isn't the end. It could just be the beginning, the start of something amazing. 

I've always wanted children. The repurcussions of what happened with Matt scared me off for a while but the physical effects soon died away and the old thoughts came creeping back in. I don't even know if I would be a good mother, but everyone has to start somewhere right? You learn as you go, that's life. The greatest knowledge comes from experience. I don't know how it would work but if Laura lets me then I want to be a mother to the baby she's carrying. She's just got to let me in, let down the guard and face the music, however difficult that might be. I lost one baby and I'm not about to lose another. I know Laura, she's looked after me in more ways than I ever could have hoped for and I know full well she could do the same for the little one growing inside her.

The shooting pains began to subside and were instead replaced by a fluttering in my lower abdomen. I can't lose this opportunity and neither can she. Who knows if either of us will ever get the chance to be parents again? I knew Laura would be likely to act rashly but knew I couldn't dive in all guns blazing. I'd only scare her. Using my hands to steady myself, I edged off of the curb and too my feet. Everyone else may have left me, but  I won't leave her. I won't give up. A child's love is unconditional, nothing can beat that. Filled with new found determination and hope I headed down the hill and towards town without a backwards glance. Every step calmed my chest a little more and slowly the fog started to clear from my mind. The one thought in my mind was crazy but it was hope, and hope is the only thing stronger than fear.

School was just a distant memory by the time I rounded the corner of the avenue that runs the length of the back of the high street. The back of my neck was coated with a thin layer of perspiration from the adrenaline coursing through my veins. I wasn't even aware of my feet moving, I just seemed to be gliding along the cracked concrete paving slabs with my goal pulling me closer. Talk was cheap, I knew that much. Everyone knows actions speak louder than words. If I was going to convince Laura that I'm the one for her and the one that can take care of her and that little life then I need to do something drastic. Okay, that sounded a little reckless. I need to do something serious, something genuine that proves I can do this and that I can step up to the mark. Any man can force himself inside a woman, but not many of those so called men know how to deal with the consequences and be a father.