Qurban

•31• Feelings / احساسات

There's chaos in my mind
Storm in my heart
And a fire in my soul........

Zainab sat on the roof, lost in her thoughts. The moonlight covering the entire sky in dim white hue. She sat with her knees to her chest just sitting in the absolute serene silence that put her raging thoughts at ease.
Soft wind blew, causing the tendrils of her hair to escape from her braid and freely ride with the wind. The wind smelled like rain as it just rained a few hours ago. It was only a drizzle, nothing too heavy, but she felt as if the nature understood her.

Like the rain was her emotions that finally escaped and fell over the population.

She hadn't cried. Not since she decided to do what she was going to do.

Zainab was marrying Altamash Haroon.

Tomorrow.

Their Nikkah would be held after Asr. The house was decorated much to her dismay.

"Your father would still want to do this."

Jaweria's words echoed in her mind. Zainab heavily opposed to the idea of decorating the house. She didn't want it. Mainly because her father was ill. She couldn't be celebrating happiness when he was fighting for life. It didn't seem moral. Didn't sound fine.

But Jaweria and Narmeen both talked it out with her. They were happy that she had finally decided to move on with her life.

Zainab didn't tell them why she was marrying Altamash.

She just told them about her desire to marry him. At first, Jaweria didn't agree for obvious reasons. But much assurance from Subhan and Narmeen calmed her motherly concern.

"If Zainab is happy, I have no issues."

She wanted to scoff at the irony.

No! She wasn't happy. She was in pieces.
Her soul was dying. Her heart was in shambles. Her mind twisted.

She wanted to scream. To wail and shout and yell and fight and just.....cry.

She was tired of crying. Tired of wiping her own tears, but it was the only thing she had control of. Crying made it easy to bear the complete mess her life was. The mess her life has become after....

After Hammad died.

She closed her eyes, as if the realization was too much to handle. Breathing a couple deep breaths, she felt her heart beat normally. Footsteps echoed and she turned to see who had come.

Jaweria slid in the door and walked slowly to her.

"What are you doing here? I've been looking for you downstairs."

Zainab shrugged and tugged her knees closer to her chest.

"I was just getting fresh air."

Jaweria sat beside her, an inch of distance separating them.

"Feels strange, isn't?"

Zainab must have appeared confused because Jaweria elaborated

"You'll be a whole new different person tomorrow. Married."