All For You (p2)

Missing

"Touka-chan, wake up." Kaneki's voice sounded off in the dark room, he was kneeling next to her bed and waking her up with his warm voice.

"Kaneki?" Touka's eyes open in half-consciousness to see Kaneki; she can't believe in her eyes that Kaneki is really in front of her. "Why are you here?" 

"What are you talking about? I'm not going anywhere," Kaneki smiled

Touka immediately circled her arms around his neck, securing and preventing him from going away. But her arms just go through, and she's just hugging air. Kaneki in front of her also soon became transparent.

Her eyes widen and go blurry with tears about to fall out so easily, as she gains her consciousness, Kaneki's smiling face slowly fades away in front of her sight.

Again and again, this is the third time it has happened to Touka. His illusion still stays here; every time it appears, Touka always hugs him tightly and doesn't let him go anywhere.

This time, she also hugged him in hopelessness; she desperately just wanted to feel his body again one more time, despite knowing that he was not here. Tears start flowing out of her eyes.

"You're so selfish, Touka." Even when Kaneki has disappeared, his voice still echoes in her head, mocking her about what she had done. 

"You're so selfish."

Stop... Kaneki would never say that Touka kept reminding herself that she was scared that Kaneki would feel like that. 

"You just want me to stay and don't care about everyone's life, so selfish."

No... Stop...

She knows it's not Kaneki, but it is just that she can't forgive herself. She believed that she was really so selfish.

Touka sobbed, gritting her teeth, tremblingly to prevent her from making out crying noises, but it was just useless. She was scared, her mind kept replaying when she trying to stop Kaneki from leaving. 

I shouldn't have done it... I should have understood him better... Why didn't he tell me Hide was in CCG?

Back when she woke up from the faint Kaneki gave her, Irimi had explained everything to her, and she was frozen... She didn't know it was that serious, and Kaneki had a tough decision. 

It explained that for all of his weird actions toward her, he really doesn't want to leave.

She feels guilty about what she did, but at the same time feels pain that Kaneki has hidden so many things from her. The guilt was the one overwhelming her, since she had done such a stupid thing to Kaneki to send him off, and even insisted that she wouldn't let him go even if he told her.

She doesn't know what to think right now; this is killing her; she's afraid that if it keeps going on like this, she will go insane. One month without Kaneki feels like an eternity to her.

"You're too selfish."

Stop... Leave me alone

In the middle of the night, Touka hid herself under the blanket and sobbed, with that mocking voice still echoing in her head. She doesn't know how many times she has cried since Kaneki left; she hates herself for being so weak and fragile, but tears keep flowing out uncontrollably.

 Every time she has a nightmare and sees Kaneki, those guilty and painful emotions will torture her until she's too tired to stay awake.

*****

"AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGG" "AAARRGHGHGHHG" Kaneki's agonizing groan echoed throughout the whole area.

In an empty room, where the 4 walls are made of special material that can withstand massive damage from kagune. Kaneki in kakuja form swinging his tentacles like crazy, smashing everything around.