'Swallow Grit'

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As I contemplate of going back,
even after years, haven't loosened deadly slack, no,
nerves steadily chatter, horrified of returning
I fear mentality lacks, any strength in holding off, them rolling bitter flashbacks,
of what seems to be past life's playback
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& heart begins to wonder,  amidst violent thunder,
wait devilish secrets mine shall plunder?

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left none once all magnificent colors,  verbatimly emblazoned in hands smaller;
running backwards instead of forward,
graying sky painting this horizon even more,
I can not withstand it,
unable to change the light equipped
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cue up the orchestra pit,
some memories refuse a retrofit,
bare teeth and
swallow grit!

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