A Kind of Magic

Seventy

And then one day in the middle of winter, the morning when the castle woke up buried under a thick layer of fresh snow, Peregrine wasn't at her side, the absence of his arms cocooning her in his warmth when she opened her eyes making her shiver. His side of the bed was cold; only a faint outline of his head imprinted into his pillow suggested that he had lain there at night... Fiona brought the pillow to her face, inhaling deeply his scent trapped within the down-filled fabric.

It wasn't the first time, she tried to persuade her upset heart, and stomach, as Aryana and a couple of maids helped her dress and style her indomitable curls. There had been rare occasions upon which he hadn't been there when she woke up, caused always by the king who apparently needed to sleep less than his subjects and liked to spend those sleepless hours before sunrise by talking to Peregrine. Or Alaric would send him on an errand that couldn't wait until anyone else woke up, usually one he had thought of in the middle of the night and was convinced that it needed to be solved immediately, by his loyal Highlander.

On those days she had always met him at breakfast of which she and her friends partook together, she mused, her hand pressed to her belly as she observed the Great Hall through the door standing ajar, both the table laid with food-- whose aroma filling the cool air of the vast chamber made her feel more quesy-- surrounded by friendly faces, and the deep shadows lining the tall stone walls where a number of the dark-clad king's guards always stood, motionless, blending in with the penumbra.

Not finding the one she was looking for, Fiona shivered, then took a deep breath, hoping to clear the persistent nausea, and forced a smile when her eyes met Gilderoy and Emry's. No, she wasn't concerned, she tried to persuade herself. Not yet. Peregrine would be waiting for her in the Armoury where he was teaching her to fight during the winter, he would wrap her in her arms, and his closeness would make her feel better instantly. Maybe she would finally talk to him about the morning sickness she had been feeling for a week now, she thought as she forced herself to eat at least something of what her mother put on her plate, while she listened to Freddie's chatter and caressed Gollum's ears, the dog's large head resting contentedly on her lap.

No, she wouldn't tell him about that today, Fiona resolved as she made her way towards the Armoury some time later. She had never done anything to prevent this pregnancy. She had embraced this possibility from the first moment, she loved being a mother. Fiona didn't mind at all; on the other hand, she was feeling happy... but how would Peregrine feel about it? It must have crossed his mind, too, that this might happen, and yet he had never suggested that they would take their relationship, their secret romance any further should she really become pregnant. Would he want the child? Or would he... leave her... now, because of this, because of his misguided belief that she would be safer if he just vanished from her life...?

She frowned. His leaving her when he found out about the pregnancy was the only doubt she had about it; it dampened her excitement, cast shadows on her happiness... She wasn't going to tell him today. And when she would, she would tell him in a way that would not make him feel responsible and bound to her against his will, she resolved, biting her lip as she paused in front of the door leading to the Armoury, one protective hand splayed upon her still flat belly, the other against the massive door, pushing it open.

But Peregrine wasn't there; the king's personal sparring master was waiting for her. That was unusual and a little worrying; just where was Peregrine? With the now adrenaline-laced blood racing through her veins, Fiona beat the shocked man in the first round, forcing him to admit that she was an opponent with a skill superior to his, before he added to himself in a whisper not meant for her ears that it was surely because of her magic, and the king wasn't paying him enough to get killed by his daughter.

She curtsied to the man silently, threw the heavy sword to the stone floor where it fell with a clatter echoing like thunder off the damp walls and, storm brewing within her, dashed out of the Armoury in search of someone who would know where Peregrine was.

Aryana was the first person she thought of. The werewolf girl engaged to her and Peregrine's best friend in the castle was bound to know something, Fiona was sure as she half ran into her chambers, out of breath and rosy cheeked, having to lean against the door frame for a few moments to gather her breath before she could speak to Aryana.

The girl dashed towards her in the meantime, looking worried as she whisper-shouted urgently, dismissing the maid who had been helping her with a wave of her hand, "Fiona! By the old gods, you mustn't exert yourself like this, not in your state!"

Fiona frowned, a thought worming itself into her mind even as she formed her questions for the werewolf, a thought that if Aryana had been able to notice 'her state' them maybe... Peregrine noticed... too, and left... her... because...

She shook her head, refusing to believe it, focusing on Aryana.

"Have you seen Peregrine? Do you know where he is? Please tell me the truth!"

"I haven't," Aryana pledged, her bright, honest eyes pleading as she led Fiona towards the wooden dais where the canopy bed she had just made with the help of the maid she had dismissed stood, forcing her to sit down. "I heard him leaving your chamber long before sunrise when one of his men came to look for him, and I noticed his absence at breakfast, of course. But I didn't discuss it with anyone, not even with Gilderoy, I promise."

Fiona had no doubt about her words; Aryana was exactly as honest as any other of the friends she had made since she had left London months ago.

"Why don't you lay down, Fiona," Aryana suggested. "I'll bring your lunch here, you should rest more now that it's not just you any longer, you know that better than me," she giggled nervously, one caring hand placed on Fiona's shoulder pushing her gently among the pillows...

Botheration! The bed, still carrying Peregrine's scent only discernible to Fiona's pregnancy induced heightened sense of smell which, she was certain, could beat even the werewolf's, had never looked so inviting. She was bone tired, another sure symptom of the pregnancy, but she couldn't allow herself to rest, not until she found her Highlander.

She smiled at Aryana, acknowledging her love and care, but she removed her hand from her shoulder and stood up.

"I need to talk to Gilderoy," she said, descending the three wooden steps separating the tall dais from the cold stone floor, then walked towards the door of her chamber, the werewolf girl's deep sigh trailing after her, followed by a few words uttered in a low voice, almost a whisper, "I understand."

But the dwarf was a different case entirely-- he seemed to be bound by a promise of not telling her more than absolutely necessary by Peregrine himself, Fiona discovered after a few phrases they exchanged the moment she found him.

"I saw him leaving the castle at night, on foot," Gilderoy told her, "just as it was starting to snow. I... I'm sorry, Fiona... but I begged him not to tell me anything he didn't want you to find out from me... I knew that I wouldn't be able to lie to you."

And he didn't, Gilderoy simply said that he was sure that Emrys knew more. Fiona pulled him in an embrace-- her previous suspicion of his loyalty lying purely with Peregrine vanishing completely-- feeling incredibly happy about his not picking sides, about his friendship divided justly between her and Peregrine. The dwarf was a dear, one of a kind friend...

She pulled herself together and let go of him, wiping at the tears overflowing her eyes with the wide, velvet sleeve of her ink-blue gown.

"Where is Emrys?" she demanded, already halfway towards the door of the library where she had found Gilderoy, who was waiting for Freddie.

"You'll probably find him in the Great Hall, with Alaric and... hmm... one of your suitors. The king is expecting two of them today..."

At hearing the suggestion of a smile in his voice, an attempt to brighten her mood, she turned around even as she pushed the door open and rolled her eyes at him, the gesture followed by a small smile.

"Thank you, Gilderoy," she muttered, opening the door and bumping into Freddie and Gollum.

"You be a good boy for Gilderoy, understand? I'll see you at lunch," she muttered, mussing his brown curls as she bestowed a kiss to his forehead before she dashed off in the direction of the Great Hall.