Lucy In The Sky

I'm So Tired

LUCY'S P.O.V

I powdered my face with my darkest foundation in order to cover up my sickly pale skin, John was to take me out that night in order to make up for our row the day before. I went to school that Tuesday but spent most lessons in a peaceful slumber again, so thankfully I wasn't too tired for our date. I wasn't looking forward to the night out, I was still terribly angry with John and I wasn't ready to face him again, but I appreciated him trying to fix things for once. 

He arrived at my door at six o'clock sharp, dressed in his smartest clothes with his mop top combed neatly. He wore a black blazer that complimented a thin black tie against an ironed white shirt, John looked incredible! I approached him and he held out his arm for me to take, as I linked arms I noticed how good he smelt. Instead of his stale cigarette scent, he smelt of a musky cologne, it was very attractive. I smiled to myself, not wanting to praise John for his appearance verbally because I still felt like punching him for what he did yesterday. 

"So, ma'am, I am taking you to the pictures." John said, imitating a posh accent.

"And what shall we be seeing?" I asked, also trying my best to put on a fancy accent, joining in on John's game.

"Well, I believe my lady enjoys the work of Miss Marilyn Monroe. So I thought we could perhaps watch 'Some Like It Hot'." John said, continuing the accent whilst smiling to himself. What a sneak! I adore Marilyn with a burning passion and he remembered how much I loved her! I couldn't believe we were to see the film in the cinema, I'd only ever seen her work on the tapes my father rented and bought home, I'd never seen her on the big screen! I would be one of the first of my friends to see the film, I couldn't wait to boast about it with my friends at school, I was beyond excited.

"John, are you kidding me?" I said, discontinuing the fake accent and stopping to turn to him. We were in the middle of the street and it was beginning to get dark, only street lights were illuminating our path.

"No, I'm not. I remember ye love 'er. I want to make up for me silly mistake yesterday. Ye can brag about this to ye friends tomorrow, bet no one else has seen it yet y'know, it's meant to be fab." He told me enthusiastically, holding onto my arms. Suddenly I had a flashback of yesterday when he was holding onto my arms and I couldn't get away from his tight grasp, I winced at the thought and turned away, beginning to walk again, taking his hand instead. 

"Thank you so much, John." I said, looking up the street towards the cinema. He smiled his toothy grin that won me over and squeezed my hand.

-

We were sat at the back of the cinema watching Some Like It Hot, John had his arm around me, we were about twenty minutes into the film when John turned and kissed me. I accepted his show of affection and carried on watching the film, feeling full of happiness; at last my relationship was being fixed with the man I love and I was being treated to the film I have been aching to watch for months. He leant in for another kiss, I accepted it again. His spare hand met my thigh, he ran his fingers up my leg, trying to get under my skirt. 

"John!" I whisper-yelled into his ear in anger, slapping away his hand. "Don't you dare! We are in the cinema. This is not the time." I continued. An annoyed looking old man on the row in front of us turned around and hushed me.

"Sorry sir, I will be quie-" I began to whisper in return.

"Hey, sir. Don't hush me girlfriend, ye're the one who's been rattlin' yer popcorn the entire way though." John said in his normal tone. I jabbed him in his side with my elbow to tell him that was the wrong thing to do. 

"Johnnn, shh. Let's just watch the film. Sorry sir." I whispered again. Trying my best to put John at ease I rested my head on his shoulder and stroked his chest with my hand, I played with the button hole of his chest pocket nervously whilst I watched the film. 

Ten minutes later the same thing happened again. "Can ye stop rattling yer bag please sir, yer makin' a racket and some people are tryin' to watch a film 'ere." John said, to the same old man sat in front of us. His face looked irate, he shook his head and repositioned himself in his seat and turned to the old woman next to him and said "Children these days have no manners." loud enough for John and myself to hear. Naturally, John was mad.

"Excuse me there kind sir, but perhaps you would like to keep your voice down because this lovely young woman and myself are trying to enjoy ourselves by watching this exquisite film but are finding it rather difficult to hear the film due to your... loud voices. My apologies." John said mockingly, in the same fake British accent as earlier, pretending to take a bow at the end of his mini-speech to the man. I thought the night was going so well until then. 

"EXCUSE ME!" The man bellowed as he stood up, causing the entire cinema to look his direction. 

"Ye're excused." John said casually. "Now could you sit down cus yer blocking me view." he continued, now the entire cinema was staring at John and myself. I sunk back into my seat, I was so tired,I felt sick. I just wanted the chair to swallow me up.

"Get out! Get out! How rude could you possibly be? You're ruining the film for us all, you rude horrible little man. Get out!" he yelled straight into John's face. I felt John's hand grab mine, it was warm and clammy. 

"C'mon Luce, let's get outta here. This film's shit anyway." John said loudly, pulling me out of my seat and out of the cinema doors. I let him yank me out my chair and I stumbled through the cinema until we got outside, I felt light headed and the brightness of the lights blinded me. He pulled me out onto the street, he tried to walk fast down the pavement with me. I had so much to say to him, so much to be angry about. 'Why did you do that to the man? Why did you have to go out of the film? Why did you even take me out if you were going to ruin the night? Don't embarrass me like that! Don't yank me away like that!'  But I stopped walking down the street, propped myself up against the wall and the only words I could utter out was;

"J-John... I think I'm pregnant."

I did it. I finally admitted it. Not only to John but to myself. The past few weeks I have been denying it, but it all makes sense. The nausea, the dizziness, the mood swings, the change of appetite... the lack of menstruation. I was pregnant with John's child.

"You're what." he repeated. He stopped walking and held me as I was clearly struggling, clinging onto the wall for dear life. "Ye- ye can't be pregnant, Lucy." I think he expected me to say something but I was too sad and ill to talk. "Lucy! Ye can't be! What, what's going on?" John looked confused, he scrunched up his face and looked like he was going to cry. Hah, I thought. He was going to cry, I was the one carrying the unborn child, clinging to a dirty brick wall due to my bad health and he was going to cry. 

"Hamburg. It must've been in Hamburg." I explained.

"You have my kid inside of ye, Lucy. Our kid. What the fuck! I can't parent a child! Why the fuck do ye have to be pregnant?" he yelled, pacing down the pavement. He kept ranting, yelling about how unfair it was that he had to father a child he put inside of me whilst I was crumbling to the floor by the wall. 

I tried to walk over to him to hush him, I pushed myself from the wall to go and see him but that was when the entire world slowed down. My legs stopped working, I couldn't hear John's rambling any more, all I could hear was the constant thud thud thud of my heartbeat. The Liverpool buildings became one big grey blur and soon I was staring at the smog filled city sky. With another 'thump' I saw nothing, heard nothing, everything was silent, it was the most peace I had got in weeks, apart from the fact my head was suddenly in severe agony.