the boy that could have been

I had no choice

Sirius still couldn't believe it. Remus, of all people. The pair had always had a special connection, or so he thought. Clearly, he didn't know the man. Remus, to follow up on this stupid bet and abandon his daughter to be raised by wolves? None of it made sense.

It took him precisely 36 minutes and 28 seconds to find the man. Remus wasn't too surprised, but he didn't expect the level of anger bubbling within the other man. Seconds after arriving in Lupin's office, Sirius had him pinned to the wall by the throat.

"WHAT THE FUC, MOONY!" He yelled, right in his face. To his credit, Remus didn't even flinch.

"Look, Padfoot, you don't understand-"

"Shut the fuck up, Remus. I've known you for TWENTY YEARS, do you really think I don't understand all your self-deprecating bullshit by now? It's still not okay!"

Remus pushed Sirius off him angrily, "You've done the same though, haven't you? Cress wrote to me, you've abandoned your girl too! Don't be such a fucking hypocrite, Black."

"I HAD NO CHOICE!" Sirius practically screamed, "I didn't even know she existed! And, if it hadn't escaped your notice, I've been locked up in Azkaban for a decade! You've been right fucking here, you knew where she was, and you abandoned her. There's no fucking excuse."

Remus suddenly deflated, "I know, alright? She doesn't deserve me, that's why I stayed away, I-"

"No." Growled Sirius, "Fucking stop. Why have you never been able to see yourself the way we all do? At your best, you're right, nobody deserves you - because you're too fucking good for everyone! When I was 11, and I had practically no family, you became part of mine, like a lifeline. You KNOW how much that meant to me, to have something like family. And you've gone and left that little girl all alone for 11 fucking years? Showing up only to be a wolf with her? That fucking sucks and you know it."

"It's too late." Remus said, crumpling with emotion, "It's too fucking late."

"No, it's not." Said Sirius in a softer tone, "It's never too late to show up."

"I just think she could do so much better!"

"No, Remus. Maybe right now she could, but not if you fucking step up. Yeah, we've got her back now, but that will never compare to her actual father. You have so much to teach her, and show her. Grow the fuck up and actually do it."

"You're delusional if you think I'm the best parent she could have."

"You are! Because you're her fucking dad!" Sirius cried, anger building up again, "And you used to be the best person in my life. You were EVERYTHING to me Remus, whether you see it or not. I loved you before I even knew what love was! You were... you know what you were to me."

"Well you threw that away, didn't you." Said Remus bitterly, "When you thought I was the spy, and cut me out. You chose James over me, like always."

"No, Remus." Sirius was nearly shaking with rage, "I chose Harry. Children always come first. That's the point, that's always been the fucking point, if you'd just open your eyes."

Remus opened his mouth to respond, but Sirius cut him off with a glare, "No. I don't want to hear any more from you. When you're ready to grow up and step up, you know where to find us. Until then, you stay the fuck away from me."