FALLING OUT OF LOVE

Secrets

I watched as the warm feeling of the blade met my skin
Slowly meeting it as it made marks so thin
It's been so long, i couldnt help myself.

The blood slowly coming out, i made more marks, trying to make me feel fine
I'm trying so hard to get you out of my mind
it's hurts so much i can't help it
Trying to build my walls that were once fit.

The blood makes me feel better
I'm trying so hard to get stronger
I tried so much not to feel so much pain
As the walls slowly become faint.

I could feel arms carry me up securely, whispering something gently. I could hear the person curse underneath their breath.

"Damn it Scott, how could you?". It sounded like Elliot, but I couldnt tell as my head felt so dizzy.
I came in contact with my soft bed.

What looks like hours later, I had woken up, I was welcomed with darkness. I had slept for that long.
I heard a large bang as my door flew open, I thought I was going to be killed as I met Elliot face. I was scared that he'll critize me as I slowly looked at my now bandaged arms.

He slowly came to my bed and switched on the tv, he began to watch netflix. I was shocked at his reaction, as an akward silent began, all I could hear was the noise of Adam Sailer voice.

"Anna, use to cut herself, I never knew that, she looked so happy when she was around me, she told me soft things, everytime I would be around her." Elliot said breaking the silent, I felt a pang of guilt as he talked about her.
"Then one day, as I came running downstairs, I saw her with a gun straight to her head, I yelled that she should stop, but she wouldn't listen...... I didn't want to watch, all I could say to myself was 'Damn it Elliot, wake up', it's just a dream... I kept forcing myself to wake up, before I knew I heard a gunshot. I was so little then, As that sound was made, I felt my whole world crumbling to the ground as her body layed with her blood". He said as his eyes bored into the tv but I could tell he was trying not to cry.
"I went to theraphy, for several months, took depressant drugs. I was just turned eight for christ sake, what eight year old, would want to go for theraphy, my dad, oh he was very supportive, I mean he would go to work late, make sure I was okay. He was the best thing ever, my only true friend. I got played the pity card, I hated it, my dad understood and changed my school, I mean he had the money, he would spend the whole night in my room, even if it meant going to work with a cold, but Anna what did she do, she just decided to flippng leave me on my birthday, she was just being selfish, just how your how your being selfish right now, your just being my mum, thinking every solution is in the blade".
He said with disgust and pain in his face. I was right he would critize me, his just not like you, you never did, no one was like you. His once beautiful dark blue eyes, became darker as he looked at the once bloody towel which looked cleaner and wet and the blade thrown in the bin, with my knives.
I brought my knee, to my chest, as the pain of me moving my arm ran through my body.
"You have no right to judge me". I said trying to come out calmly, but came out bitchy.
"Your right I dont, cause your smarter than that, your not dum to not to know that, your not dum enough to know your damn beautiful". He said brushing his hair with his hand, filling frustrated. His eyes bored into mine as he said those words. I felt guilty.
For once I looked at him, the for the first time, our eyes locked. Every inch of him was gorgeous, I felt guilty.

"I need time". I said putting my face on my knee. I didn't want to look into his eyes, cause all I could see was the pain he had been hiding for a long time. When I looked at him all I saw was your familiar face begging to be let in.
"Why, no, no more time, why wouldn't let me in". There was desperation in his voice, he was begging me, I didn't want to let anyone in again, I don't want anyone to suffer the way you did.
"I just need time Elliot, please"
"No, you don't need time, your just afraid I'll hurt you, your just afraid I'll leave you just like how your boyfriend did. Your just afraid of being broken, damn it Lee, not everyone is like your boyfriend..."
"Hey, his name is Chase Adams, respect that, his was not just my boyfriend, he was meant to be my husband if bog you flipping brother took him away". I raised my voice so much emotions rushed through me. I hadn't realized what I had said.
I saw Elliot brushing his hair with his hands, he banged the table loudly.
"I'm sorry my brother killed Chase, everyone makes mistake Emily Scott, and his mistake happened to be taking your boyfriend life"
"I said his name is Chase". I banged the door to show my point.
"You know what, your just being selfish, so what your boy...
Chase died cause my brother was to drunk to drive, not everyone life is as perfect as yours, cause everyone can't be like Emily Scott who has everything she wanted".
"How dare you, I don't get everything I want Elliot, why cause my Flipping parents deprived me of growth cause my big sister Dina died in a car accident as she went for a party with a friend. My sister was their light and joy while I was a dissapoint, so unlike you Elliot, I didn't have to watch my sick mother shoot a bullet to make my life miserable, it was always miserable and my boyfriend Chase, was their every moment to kiss those tears, I'm not selfish, people just critize a lot, get to know peoples before you talk".  I said trying to keep my volume in check.
Elliot was calmer now, his eyes were beautiful again and his soul was peaceful.
"You know, Lexi, she was like you, beautiful, crazy, funny and talented, she didn't lack anything. I think is time you should know, my brother, David got drunk that night well because I saw Lexis and him kissing. David tried so hard to convince me but I was so naughty. I believed my eyes and not my blood. David was so opposite from me he was so cool, popular and got everything and everyone he wanted. I was jealous, I only wanted one thing, and that was just Lexi peppermen. I loved Leis, but damn it, theirs no such thing as love, lexi showed me that. My brother loved me but I hares him, he tried his best to be so close to me, but I kept pushing myself away. Blood is thicker, I never understood that till Lexis broke up with me and David was meant to go to the movies with his friends. David sacrificed it for me, that was the day I knew that I had no reason go hate him. I remember every event. Ice cream, rockstar, shopping, talking and finally movie. We had finish each event when I went to wash my hair preparing for the movie. I heard her voice, I hurried downstairs thinking she wanted me back only to see her hands around him as he held her waist, he saw me and pushed her. He tried to convince me, but I didn't listen.
It was 11:20pm and I hadn't spoken to him, I layer in bed trying to burst myself in music as he knocked loudly on the door, my dad wasn't at home. I came down few minutes later after the knocking had stopped, I walked into the kitchen when I saw a note if was from David, ' I love you, I always will, just went to drown myself a little'. I left the paper on the table as I grabbed my jacket and ran to the bar.
All I saw was a pool of blood, kept increasing and people gathering around. The blood was so much, I could see body parts around, I held my breath when I thought of the possibilities, I was so right, it was my brother blood. He had an accident and in the blood lied what was left of him, he didn't survive but their was someone who did in the accident. They took the body that was still breathing, I was left alone. I wanted to just be alone. Anger, regrets rushed through me, my brother died at exactly 12:00pm, I wasn't their for him, instead I picked a girl over him. All I had was his note which kept me smiling, but sometime I imagine if I wasn't so blind, and hard, if he'll would have lived. It was the hatred and jealousy I had for him, that ended his life. Lexi, finally left me for another man, left my love for another one. I was so broken then that I thought of suicide, I tried to commit it"..
Elliot said as I looked at him with wide eyes, I never knew he had such a rough life, I thought I was suffering alone. He looked lighter, and brighter. He was so beautiful.
"I tried to commit Suicide, well I came back to life after I took an overdose and my dad rushed me to the hospital, I was so selfish, my dad was so worried, how could I have thought of leaving him alone after he had no one. Now, I live a happy life after I my Dad and I gave our life to Christ, I am so proud". He stopped looking at me with a smile. Wait I have read something like this, but it was Gusto family.
"Is your name Elliot Gusto? Your the last senator son in Italy?" The title of the news was plague in the house.
"Yes".  He said with a faint smile.

Elliot and I returned watching netflix, everything was forgotten. At night I didn't want to sleep alone so Elliot offered to stay. For once Chase I didn't feel miserable, Elliot read me a book, as he wrapped his arm around my waist and I layer on his chest. It felt so nice to be this close to someone we can trust.

Sometimes things happen for good, and who knows if Elliot and I hadn't experienced so much and lost the people who we never got to show how much we lovd and appreciate them, we may never had met.
Who knows, maybe fate is giving us a second chance to appreciate and love each other just like we wanted.