FALLING OUT OF LOVE

MY OWN FLAWS

I watched her as she cried helplessly, her breathing was heavy as she held her head tight, like she was preventing it from exploding. I took a step closer to her but she pushed herself closer to the wall, she tugged on her hair with no mercy as the tears ran down. I wanted to hold her in my hands, wanted to tell her, that is okay but I couldn't. She knew what she had done, she knew what she had done, red, purple, red, ran down her arms. I tried to get myself to move but she looked like her own harm, heartless. "I'm here for you now, close your eyes my hazel". I love my Hazel, I love her.
She closed her eyes but gave a fearful scream, here eyes red, she kept screaming as she shut her eyes, oh, my Hazel, what have you done. She whispered prayers upon prayers, I gently moved closer to her, I didn't want to scare her again. Hazel, baby, what did I do to you.

She sighed deeply as her head rested on her knee, dark circles beneath her eyes as she gave a weak smile, I gently took her hands, kissing every bit of her skin. '"I love you, I never stopped Hazel". I brought her to my chest as her placed tiny kisses on her neck, my Hazel. Your gonna be the death of me, her once brown shinny hair were untangled, I won't have left you alone, my Hazel, I shouldn't have listened to your lies, that you were fine.
****flash back****
'No, no, no'. She held her head like she was going to explode, my eyes were filled we tears too, I stood their frozen as I watched Chase Adams mum lie on the bed, breathless, she couldn't move, her hands were by her side and her eyes were shut. Emily leaned on the wall, her eyes red. She was dead. The woman was gone, died of cold, yeah right, cold. I squatted by the side of Emily, holding her shoulders, shaking it gently while saying soothing words. Suddenly she froze, her eyes were stuck on something, she gently shrugged out of my grip and crawled fast. "She-sh- p-o-is-ned herself, no, no, I promise him I'll take care of her, she promised to take care of me, she's the only family I got". She screamed, putting her hands roughly on Mrs Adams, shaking her violently. She's gone, I watched Emily turn cold suddenly. "I'm done, I'm fucking done". She wiped her tears and stood on here feet, her hands were wet with tears, her legs wobbled a bit, her teeth slowly bit her lips. "she was selfish, and I'm done, crying over selfish people, especially people I took as family". She walked out of the hospital door, I stared at the now empty bottle of poison and shook my head. I walked out to meet Emily talking with a doctor. "Bury her now, why wait, she wanted to be dead and she got it". Emily said coldly, her eyes were on me.

The drive home was quiet, Emily looked out the window through out the ride and I was consumed in my thoughts. "When do you want the funeral to be?". I asked suddenly, but she didn't bother to look back but gave a quick answer. "As soon as possible, I want to quickly bury all garbage in my life, she's not worth keeping". She was cold towards the woman, she does this every time she doesn't want to hurt.
"Emily she was your mother too, us okay to break down, I'm not gonna tease you for this". I said putting my hand on her shoulder. She shrugged it off and when the car finally came to a halt, she came down quickly. "I'm fine, I don't need anyone's pity, she's dead". She closed the door and left. She's fine, yeah right.
When I walked in, I received a kiss and a happy Emily, we made out for sometime, watched bunch of movies, before my Hazel slept in my arms, I recalled the whole of today as I took my Hazel to my bed. I kissed on her forehead before switching of the light and scooting beside her. "I hope you are okay my Hazel". I said gently as I wrapped my hands around her waist.
****flash back over***

She was fine, but she's till here crying the night of her burial. I shouldn't have listened to her she was lying. I let her cry into my chest as I played with her hair, she was so beautiful and deserve any of this, oh my beautiful Hazel.
"Promise, you won't be like her Elliot, you won't leave me". She said in tears as I drew her closer to me, now she was sitting on my thigh facing me. I checked as her cleaned her eyes, kissing her cheeks. "" I'm not going anywhere El, not now not soon either". She came closer hugging me tight, I wrapped her hands around her tiny waist as I chuckled. I stood up gently, she was still in my arms as she wrapped her legs round my waist.

Oh my Hazel, you surely be the death of me, my beautiful Hazel. We did our rituals, reading her a story before she slept from the Bible. We read a story about the three seeds and the sower.

After she slept off, I was left in my own thoughts, how I'm I gonna tell her, it would soon start showing, I made a promise not to leave but I would soon go, I'm so scared. 'Lord please, let this pain go really fast and give me the courage and give me comfort to carry on, and her birthday is in a month time, so soon, she's finally turning eighteen, she will big enough to let go, when I eventually leave". I closed my eyes, letting my thoughts get lost in the dark.