The Girl Guide

Chapter 17

"Good morning Miss Anderson. I am Dr Sullivan and I will be your councillor today." A middle aged woman with a black bob greets me. She looks kind enough. I give her a small smile and hold out my hand sheepishly. 

"Raina," I introduce myself. It always makes me kind of uncomfortable when people call me Miss Anderson. It feels too formal, as if people are expecting something from me that I simply cannot give them. I don't know if it's just me. 

"Please, take a seat Raina." Dr Sullivan says welcoming me into her office. "I want you to feel as comfortable and at home as possible. I know that there's nothing worse than coming into a place like this and feeling on edge, as if you can't trust anyone. I just want you to know that I am on your side and will always have your best interest at heart. Whatever is said in here stays confidential unless it puts you in grave danger and in that case I would have to contact the police as well as your parents. Other than that, I am always here to listen and will never judge you no matter what. Chances are whatever you want to say I've heard worse." She babbles. Although she seems like a genuinely lovely person, she talks a lot for someone who's meant to listen...

I just nod and look at the floor, trying to clear my throat as suddenly my mouth has gone dry. I don't even know where to start. What am I meant to say? I'm here because of boy problems. I suddenly feel pathetic and it begins to dawn on me that I really shouldn't be here. I'm just wasting everyone's time including mine. I am about to stand up and walk out of the door abruptly when Dr Sullivan says something that suddenly changes my mind. 

"Whatever reason you are here for Raina, it is important. It is just as important as anyone else even if it may not feel that way. If you were here because your goldfish Gerald passed away, to me you would be just as important as someone who came here because their father Gerald had passed away. Not that I'm comparing someone's father to a goldfish, but you get what I mean," Dr Sullivan smiles, clearly a bit embarrassed. 

I giggle a bit and give her a genuine smile. Maybe my reasons for being here are important. Maybe I'm not just time wasting. If people come here because their goldfish Gerald has died, surely I can't be wasting anyone's time. 

"I really know where to start..." I admit quietly. 

"That's completely normal, dear. Lets start off by you telling me how you're feeling right now truthfully. Start off with what's on the surface then go deeper and deeper." Dr Sullivan encourages.

"I'm okay. I feel nervous about messing up right now... I don't really know what to say because I've never done anything like this before. In fact, I'm quite scared that I'm here. I never thought that I'd be the kind of person to come here for emotional help or anything. I always thought I was happy and now I'm worried about what's happening to me. I'm petrified really, what if I feel like this for the rest of my life? I don't want my friends to see me any differently. I don't want to turn up anywhere. I'm just scared. Everything is just getting a bit too much and I'm not sure why," I pour my heart out, then realise what has come out of my mouth. I didn't even realise I felt like this before... where has all this come from?

I never thought I would be able to talk to a stranger. I have trouble talking to my friends and family never mind someone I've known for precisely five minutes.

Dr Sullivan notices I am startled by the fact that I do know what to say. She looks me in the eyes with a small smile, looks down at her papers and we carry on. 

-

The session lasts for what seems like five minutes but ends up being more like three hours. Who knew it would be so easy to talk to a complete stranger? Who knew you could find out more about yourself and how you feel by just being in the presence of someone you've never met before?

I felt safe. Safer than I had ever felt. We talked about many things. My parents, my sisters, my friends, relationships. I felt like I was finally more in control of the things happening in my life. If Dr Sullivan taught me anything in that meeting, it was that nothing lasts forever and it gets better in the end. Nothing lasts forever and you just have to keep your head held high. You can't control other people, you can't control the problems they have in their lives and what that may cause them to do. But you can control how you respond to these things. You can either let them affect you and make you upset, or you can keep your head held high and carry on. You don't have to deal with other people's problems, you have enough of your own!

I am honestly so glad I went to see Dr Sullivan. I've learned more about myself and what makes me sad and what makes me happy than I have at any other time in my life, and for that I am eternally grateful. I finally feel like I am able to carry on with my life, not caring about what other people may say or what they may do to try and hurt me, and focus on all the positive things in life that make me happy. I deserve to be happy and so does everyone. So I want to address anyone that may come into my life or has been in my life, YOU deserve happiness. YOU deserve to succeed. YOU are beautiful and it will get better. It will always be better in the end, and if it isn't better then it's not the end.