High (Phan AU)

Glimpse

  The plane ride was a living fucking hell. Thankfully Louise and I spoke the whole flight while Dan sat a couple rows ahead of us. Louise asked no questions and kept our conversation clear with Dan's name out of it.
Sometimes when Louise went on a bit of a rant I would just stare at the back of Dan's head remembering how his hair felt in my hands, and remembering his soft gentle kisses he placed on my lips and my stomach and my inner thighs and my ass..God.
He's so passionate. But..he couldn't handle someone like me. I'm so lonely on my own and I do so many bad things..I'd most likely lose him the moment I got him..and..he's so innocent..he thought that we were together just because we had sex...
That's not how things work.
I really must have broken his heart..
Fuck me. I'm such an asshole.
That's the only thing that would play in my head whenever I looked at him. And I would feel it in my heart too. I guess I didn't want sex. Now I want him. And I want to take care of him and hold him at night so nobody else could have him.
But he doesn't know that..and I don't want him to know that. Having these feelings makes me so vulnerable and weak. I don't want to get hurt also.
Although I doubt he would.
We were getting close to London. The sky was a beautiful twilight purple and Louise was asleep.
Dan wasn't.
I watched him closely, my heart was filled with euphoria; I felt like a child again.
I loved the way he fixed his hair. And when his face caught the light of the world shining through the little airplane window I really saw him. He was beautiful.
It may seem silly but it's the truth.
I could stare at him for ever.
He looked away from the window.
Content with being in his own world. Little did he know that he was my agony.

Flight attendants please prepare for landing.

The pilots voice broke my thoughts smashing them on the ground.
Louise woke up.

  "Did I sleep the whole flight?" She asked while stretching.

  "No, we talked some and then you went to sleep."

  "We're landing?"

  "Yes"

Across from me, Dan rubbed his face and stretched back. Everyone stood up row by row and got their belongings from the overhead compartment.
Dan walked as fast as he could getting off the plane before Louise and I.
He was trying to get away from me desperately.

"Dan!" Louise called from across the plane, she turned and looked at me.

"Phil I'll see you later tonight with Darcy and Camble, okay?" She said smiling.

  "Oh yeah! The party! Sure I'll see you tonight then."

We hugged each other and then Louise took off after Dan.
I grabbed my suitcase from the over head and I got off the plane as quick as I could with Dan being the only thing on my mind.
I stepped into the airport and made my way straight to baggage claim. I wanted to get the fuck out of the airport, go to my apartment and get so high and pass out until the party started.

Okay baggage claim, here I am where's my bags?

I waited for about 15 minutes looking at all of the luggage circling around until I FINALLY saw my big blue suitcase.
I ran over and checked the name and sure enough it was mine.
I grabbed it and went to the long term parking garage and saw my black Mini Cooper parked right where I left it.
I pulled my keys out of my carry on bag and pushed the unlock button, threw my shit in the trunk and turned the engine on.

And now I can finally go home and just forget.

But of course I wouldn't.
As I was driving I got bored of the silence and plugged my phone in.
The first song that came on was
Stressed out by 21 pilots.
Oh boy was I.
The bass of the song pulsed through the steering wheel. The void was filled for that moment, although Dan was on my mind..so was drugs. I really needed to get high before the party or else I would be a total fucking monster.
I didn't want to get high because I was sad or hurting (I always was) but it was because its routine. It's a habit. It's an addiction.

I focused on the music that boomed through my little car. I was driving really fast. My heart rate increased. Kind of like being around someone you want to fuck up.

---

I finally got home after 3 hours of driving. I fucking hated it. The party didn't start until 7:00pm and I got the house straightened up, all traces of drugs and things that would give my addiction away were put up and locked away. Nobody was allowed in my room.

And now I could finally get high,
I tore open my suitcase to get to the black bag inside. There was just enough light coming through the window to illuminate my room so there was no need to use electricity.
I dipped my syringe into the sappy substance and pumped it through my veins.
It took a while for it to spread through my body this time. And before I knew it I blacked out.

---

I woke up around 6:53pm. The timing was just right but I also realized that I had to get ready as soon as possible.
I couldn't shower because it would take too much time. So instead I sprayed myself down with cologne; my signature scent Bond No.9 New Harlem.
I found a deep blue v neck and black skinny jeans. I looked in the mirror behind me,
I was pleased with myself. I actually looked good.
I just hope tonight goes well.