High (Phan AU)

Straight

I felt like someone just kicked me in the stomach. Dan was standing behind Louise and Oli was conversing with her. I tried so hard not to make eye contact with him but it was so hard.
Every time I looked in his direction my heart sank and started beating really fast. I hated the fuck out of it.

Oli kept looking at me out of the corner of her eye.

"So are you hungry?" I asked Oli.

What the fuck?

She knew what I meant when I said that.

"Yes! Put the pizza in the oven friend."
I walked in the kitchen and grabbed the vegan pizza from the fridge

I'm not vegan, but Oli is.

"Uh..why is it so tense between you and that tall lad?"

I chuckled at her

"Dan is not a lad." I said through bursts of laughter.

"Is he the reason why you wanted to talk about playlist later? Was he a hookup that caught feelings?"

Thank fucking Christ the bitch was whispering. We were both trying to control laughter.

"When I say I'll explain later; I will explain later."

"Jesus you're difficult sometimes. Make my pizza." She said as she slapped me on my butt.

"Fuck you!" I said musically to Oli as she left me alone in the kitchen.

I was scared to go back out there with everyone, and of course by everyone I mean Dan.
He's in my house. Where I do bad shit and knock myself out with drugs.
And he's standing in my house. I can only imagine how he feels right now.

The pizza was done. I put on my oven mitts and got it out of the oven, placed it on the plate and walked out of the kitchen. Oli was talking to Louise still
Which is good because if she spoke to Dan I would probably vomit.
But I had to tell her.

"Oli your pizza is ready!" I announced getting a few other people to look at me.

She ran over to me completely disregarding her conversation with Louise.

"Thanks mate." She said.

I sat down next to her.

  "Don't make it obvious that he is bothering you, just get up and go be social with other people. He's going to know if he hasn't figured it out already that were obviously best friends and that you're most likely talking shit. He seems nice. I'll help you out, okay?"

Oli wrapped her arm around me and rubbed my back in a circle and patted me, letting me know that it was okay to get up.
She always knew what to say.

I nodded at her and decided to talk to my friend Thompson. He was a good looking gay guy. Maybe Dan would notice that..no. Don't be stupid like that Phil. That's such high school behavior.

"Who wants to play brown paper bag?!" Oli suggested.
Everyone was kind of intoxicated so this was going to be pretty interesting.

Everyone got up and paired with someone and stood in a circle to listen to the directions of the game.

"Okay so here's how you play, put your hands behind your back and hold onto them keeping them together, there will be brown bags every where. With your hands behind your back bend over and pick up the bag with your mouth and move it to you and your partners side. Whoever has the most bags in their section wins!"

Everyone seemed to like the idea of the game. How many times was Oli going to save my ass tonight?

"Hey so Louise and I are gonna be partners. That leaves you and Dan."

I spoke way too fucking soon.

"What are you crazy?" I said amongst the chaos.

"Very, now go over there. He wants you to talk to him and look how pathetic and sad the kid looks. Go. Over. There."

I breathed in deep and started making my way over to him, I was pretty good at masking my emotions. I didn't face him I fucking couldn't. He had power over me.

You know that feeling you get when you're around a friend that you've had feelings for, for what seems like forever and you really begin to realize you have feelings for them? Like intense ones? Yeah.
Except Dan and I weren't friends in the beginning. We just fucked.

I can only imagine how he feels.

Okay you know what? Fuck it. I'm gonna talk to him.

My heart was pounding through my shirt. It felt as though someone was throwing themselves against the inside of my chest to break out. Except 10 times faster.

I turned around. He looked right at me.

"Hi." I said keeping my voice from shaking.
Why was I scared? I was the one the fucked him over. It wasn't his fault that I didn't know what the hell I wanted.

He didn't respond to me. His eyes were focused on the people ahead of him. His arms were crossed and he was standing up completely straight.

My whole head went cold. I felt like passing out.
---

"One, two, three, go!" Oli announced across the room.
I put my hands behind my back and tried picking up a bag with my mouth but instead I fell straight on my nose. Everyone laughed at me and I laughed at myself too although I wanted to drop dead cause Dan most likely saw that.

I tried again and I succeeded, Dan was doing pretty well too. He was starting to be okay with being next to me. Some times he brushed up against me (not in a sexy way) and he didn't even really acknowledge the fact that he came in contact with me. It was easier to breathe now.

Fifteen brown paper bags later Dan and I won.
It wasn't thrilling, it was degrading. But it was over.

Dan wouldn't really engage in conversation. After the game was over he went right to Louise and made absolute sure to avoid all places near me. It broke my heart and kind of started a fire in the pit of my stomach.
I was getting really mad. Luckily the party was almost over, he was really starting to get to me. I wanted to talk to him so bad but I wanted to do it myself, I didn't want Oli to help although that might be the case. Some things I want to do myself and handle certain situations...This was starting to look like something Oli had to help me clean up.

Fuck it I'm going over there.

I readied myself and started walking over there until I felt someone grab my shoulder.

It was Oli.

  "Phil no. Don't do that."

"Thanks for scaring me."

"I'm gonna help you, just don't talk to him right now. I know what to do, okay?"

I looked at her face,

"Are you drunk?"

"No bitch. Just take my advice."

"Fine."

---

"Bye thank you for coming!" I said to the last handful of my friends.
The last to leave was Louise and Dan.
My heart wasn't beating fast but it was beating hard, and it was a really shitty feeling.

"It was nice seeing you Phil, we're gonna have to get together with Darcy sometime, yeah?"

"Yes of course, I miss that kid so much."

"She misses you too, give me a hug."

Louise and I embraced, before she left she turned around and told Dan she will get him later.

I swallowed hard.

Oli came out of the bathroom,

"Louise and I both talked to Dan.
Phil he's a very sweet guy just listen to what he has to say and be kind. Be you. Be genuine. You can do this, he has a LOT to say to you, but just keep a cool head, okay?"

This was it.