High (Phan AU)

Sway

Oli was gone, Louise was gone. It was just Dan and I. I can honestly say that was probably the most nervous I have ever been in a very long time. Anything could happen between us two and nobody was here to mediate if necessary.

The flat was dark and there was bits of trash everywhere from the party. The punch bowl was empty with remnants of candy at the very bottom. Dan was sitting on the black fluffy couch with his legs crossed and his hands were in his lap, those brown eyes on me.

I sat next to him far to the left, there was silence.

"So," Dan began. His voice was apprehensive, his body language strong.

"Without caking bullshit into it, please explain why the hell you did that to me."

His words slapped me in the face.

"Dan, I didn't know what I was thinking. When you left the room I star-"

  "No Phil, don't even tell me you started doing anything. I want you to tell me why you did this to me. Right now."

"I wasn't thinking Dan. I really wasn't...you're worth more than one night."

Dan's eyes glistened with tears. Maybe this wasn't the first time he had a conversation like this.

"It's honestly more of my fault than yours Phil."

"I let it happen though, I initiated everything and you just went with it."

"Exactly I let it bloody happen! It was my fault! I could have just pushed you away, I could have left the hotel room when everything got all heated."

Tears spilled all over his cheeks. Dan was sobbing and constantly wiping his face with the sleeves of his sweater, shaking his head.

So many thoughts ran through my head. I felt myself tear up and before I knew it, I started crying too.

"Dan I'm so sorry."

I wrapped my arms around him tightly and we both cried. He laced his arms around my sitting hips and rested his head against my shoulder.
I cried harder, because I couldn't believe how lucky I was to have him in my arms again and this time it meant everything to me.

He pulled away keeping his hands on mine,

"I forgive you Phil." He exhaled the breath he had kept in.

Dan noticed me crying and wiped my tears from my face with his sleeve too.
He was serious. He actually forgave me.

At least it seemed like it.

"I'd like to start over." I said moving the hair out of his face as gently as I could.

Dan smiled his beautiful smile, and this time I saw it. It wasn't dark or I wasn't focusing on sex, I genuinely looked at him.

"I would love that." He said.

I wanted to make it up to him in a way that would convince him,

My stereo caught my eye and it sparked a beautiful idea inside my head.

I plugged my phone into the sound deck and put a song on.

Lullaby by Sia came on.

"I'm serious about you Dan Howell."

I walked over to him and stood him up, placing my hands around his hips.
Instinctively he put his arms around my neck.

"Oh my god." He whispered tenderly.

There was silence between the two of us. We swayed gently back and forth to the sound of Sia's voice.

Dan rubbed my back up and down and turned his head onto my shoulder as we slow danced in the middle of my living room.

I guess everyone was right. Maybe this is what I needed.
Maybe Dan is what I needed.
Love..is what I needed.

"This is beautiful Phil." Dan interrupted my thoughts.

I smiled at him and gently kissed his forehead.
"You're beautiful Dan."

Dan's face lit up brighter than any light form on this earth.

I looked deeply into his eyes for the very first time, without a sexual lust or feeling. My eyes looked right into his. So many colors were trapped inside. Many Browns and honeys and golds. All in one, scattered beautifully across, behind his pupils that were oddly large.
I couldn't look away from them.

"Kiss me, Phil." Dans lips whispered.
My heart leaped at his demand.

Our lips touched and moved together accordingly.
I was happy. For the first time I was okay with having feelings again. My heart didn't feel broken anymore. Being alive was okay.
My eyes were closed, my hands were on his back, we stood swaying to the music kissing each other.
I was so lucky.

We broke from our kiss.
I held his face in my hands and kissed both of his cheeks and his nose and his chin.

It was so overwhelming, this feeling.
I was whole again, of course I wasn't going to tell this to Dan right now.
The feeling really built inside of me, I started weeping.

"Phil what's the matter?"

I became hysterical.

"You saved me Dan Howell."