Illuminated // Phan (boyxboy)

Chapter 20

He stared with unblinking eyes as he watched the raven haired boy in from of him take a step forward towards him.

Phil looked like shit. He still looked like Dan's best friend with his typical black fluffy hair and cerulean eyes glimmering at him. Phil's face was gaunt and draw; pure white, flaxen almost; unhealthy, sallow. He hated how thin Phil looked, "I, I," he tried to choked out when he caught the sight of Phil's spindly limbs sticking out of his jumper. His hands were practically blue from the biting winters wind that howled outside the windows. Phil's usually immaculate black jeans were ripped, large tears running down the knees which exposed the large gashes running down the pale skin.

Phil stared at him, anxiously waiting for him to say something. He looked up at Phil's face, noticing how scared the blue eyes were and how much Phil trembled from the cold and fear. He watched silently as Phil scratched frantically at his wrist and the thudding feeling in his chest made him realise what he had feared all along.

Scott stepped towards shakily and layed a gentle hand on his shoulder, "It's okay, Dan. You don't have to do this right now," Scott murmered to him slowly.

He didn't know what "this" was but he didn't want to do it anyway; he felt frozen.

Phil lowered his gaze from him to the floor, his cerulean eyes glimmering unhappily from the rejection. "W-what," he stuttered out like a broken record. Why was Phil here? Why did Phil leave?  Why didn't he talk to him about what was going on, he could have helped him.

"You left me," he accused angrily to the violently trembling boy in the doorways. "You left and you didn't tell me and you took one of my jumpers," his voice broke at the end of his sentence - he wasn't really upset about his jumper but he didn't know what else to say.

"I thought you were my best friend," he spat out and he didn't know why he was being so awful to Phil. He just felt so angry and he wasn't even sure if it was at Phil or not or if it was at what Phil had gone through which made him feel the need to do these things.

"You were supposed to be my best friend and you fucking left me here! How do you think that feels Phil! My own fucking mother didn't want me because I'm fucking bisexual and you were the one thing that was keeping me grounded here. Why do you keep leaving and running away; what the actual fuck is going on - why is that you just run away from your problems. It's pathetic don't you think?" He bit out scathingly, ignoring the way that Phil's face remained so eerily vacant.

Phil just stood there, unmoving and seemingly unblinking and then he was hurling words just to get Phil to sop being so emotionless because he was starting to scare him. "You- you," he stuttered out, trying to find something to say.

"Dan, leave it," Scott warned him, the authority solid and clear in the time of his voice. Dan stared at Phil desperately, "And you know what! That was like my favourite fucking jumper you absolute bastard," he shouted with no malice. He wasn't really concerned about the jumper, he was glad Phil had taken it really, the idea that Phil has something warm and comfortable with him was something that had helped him get through the time without him.

Phil had an irritating blank expression on his face and fuck he wanted to slap it off him but he couldn't. Because he could never physically hurt Phil, he could never himself be another person who had abused such a fragile person.

All his emotions seemed to snap inside of him and he stepped forward angrily towards Phil and for the first time since coming in, a real emotion flashed across Phil'a face - fear.

"D-d-don't h-hit me," he begged in an whisper, the tiny voice all he was capable of. "P-please, I'll b-be - I'll be g-g-good," Phil frantically promised, backing himself up into the corner of te room and protecting his face from any blows.