Illuminated // Phan (boyxboy)

Chapter 22

*potentially triggering scene here/ I'll put in brackets where it ends for anyone who may have difficulties with the subject. If you don't feel you can manage this chapter comfortably, message me and I'll break the chapter down into any curicial key points that you may need to know*

"You need to stay quiet okay, Philip? This is normal, this is how people show they love each other. Hush now, it's fine. Just be a good boy, you want to be a good little boy don't you?"

He nodded shakily, scared stiff to his stomach. Numbed from everything because of the panic attack that was brewing - that's all he's ever wanted was to be a good boy for his mummy and daddy.
**
Darkness surrounded him like a blanket; he was scared. There was a
body next to him, draped lazily over his body in the typical big spoon fashion. He stiffened, his whole body going rigid like a board. It was happening, his father had found him. He'd done it again and he'd blanked out again or something or fallen unconscious like he uually did from the panic and trauma .

The arm that was around him tightened, pulling him into a embrace. He started to panic from the closeness between them, in his confused post sleep state he could barely differentiate the feeling of his fathers body next to him and what he didn't realise was Dan's. The too close proxemity stilled him and he found himself slipping, deeper and deeper into another flashback.
***
"I thought I fucking told you to be quiet you worthless bastard! Know look what you've done, you're in for it now, Philip. Just you wait - you're not going to be able to walk by the time your beating has been finished!" His father hissed as he left the room.

As soon as he heard the sound of the water running harshly into the bath, the water ricochetting off of the linoleum sides - he knew he was done for.

The ten year old scuttled backwards on the bed and drew his legs in tightly to his chest and hugged them. If he pretended hard enough he could imagine that the feeling of his arms around his legs was the feeling of being cuddled safely by someone who would love him.

"Don't be so pathetic!" He instantly scorned himself, "as if anyone could ever love a piece of shit like you, don't you understand by now - you're nothing." He dragged his sharp little nails down his skin at the words, the pressure he was excerpting down scramming open the skin, making small beads of blood appear against the paleness of his arm.

He pressed down again, harder this time. His father was going to hurt him, he'd been a bad boy for his daddy and that was naughty. He was a naughty little boy and that thought made his eyes well up with tears, "daddy," he whimpered as his father approaced him.

"Daddy I'm sorry, didn't meant to be such a naughty, naughty bad boy. I'm a good boy, I swear daddy. Daddy? Daddy! NO! NO DADDY STOP, I PROMISE I'LL BE A GOOD BOY DADDY PUT ME DOWN!" He howled as his father picked him up and plunged him down into the bath full of scalding water.

"MUMMY! MUMMY HELP ME, MUMMMY PLEASE, MUMMY PLEASE HELP ME," he screamed as the water made what felt like a fire ignite all over his bruised skin.

"You listen here, you fucking bastard, your mothers not here! Nobody's here but us and unless you want to get this water poured down your back then you better fucking shut up, you hear me!" His father hissed angrily as he raised his fist and brought it directly across Phil's face.

He whimpered brokenly at the sting it left behind and placed a trembling hand on the smarting area as he watched his father with terrified eyes. The afterburn of the slap spread across his cheek and doubled the ignited fire from the excruciating burn of the water.

His father sat down beside the bath, watching him with beady eyes as the scalding water made him thrash in agony. Water poured over the sides of the white edged as he wriggled desperately, constantly moving so the water didn't rest on one area of his back and stomach for too long.