Betrayal trauma changes you. You have endured a life altering shock and are likely living with PTSD symptoms: hypervigilance, flashbacks and bewilderment with broken trust and with the inability to cope with many situations, with the complete shutdown of parts of your mind, including your ability to focus and regulate your emotions.
Trauma Victims commonly blame themselves. Blaming oneself for being a victim is recognized by Trauma Specialists as a defense against the extreme powerlessness we feel in the wake of a traumatic event(s). Self blame continues the illusion of control that shock(traumatic events) destroys. But it prevents us from the necessary working thru of the traumatic feelings and memories so that we may heal and recover.
As long as one remains in the victim role no healing can take place and moving forward becomes less and less likely. Ignoring the memories, claiming that "it didnt happen" only prolongs the negative affects of Traumatic Memories. The memories WILL breakthru at sometime, usua)y when we are at our weakest making live a very dysfunctional thing.
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Random darkness
General Fiction*this story is very descriptive and may be considered triggering. Be in a safe frame of mind when reading* Thought wanderings of a depressed mess...No real rhyme or reason..insights about death, suicide, self injury, self hate,bullying, abuse. Allot...
