Complexity

Paindrop

Xinyu POV

"So you're saying you've never joined the festival?"

"I already explained that."

"I know, but it's just... confusing. You chose work over having fun—even just for a week?"

"Which part of 'bullying' do you not understand?" Her tone sharpens. I can tell she's getting irritated by my questions.

"You have friends in class. You could've asked them to go with you. You're close to SeoAh and Joobin anyway."

Her grip on the crepe tightens. I catch the veins in her hand for a split second. She's annoyed—not the joking kind. The serious kind.

"Xinyu."

"You shouldn't keep this all to yourself, you know. They're willing to help—"

"Zhou Xinyu." Oh no. My full name. That's never good.

"I'm just telling the truth," I defend weakly.

But before I can say anything more, she's already standing. Her eyes meet mine—and it's not the usual distant stare I've grown used to.

It's hatred. Not anger. Not annoyance. Hatred.

Something in me shatters.

And suddenly—memories flood in.

Familiar stares, cold disgust, children pointing, people whispering, the weight of eyes on me.

Scopophobia—

I thought I was done with this.

But it's only her eyes.

Just Sohyun's.

The person I...

I don't even realize she's already walking away. I try to call her name, but my voice betrays me. My feet won't move, it's like something is anchoring me in place.

I try to push the panic back. Bury it, just like always.

But I can't.

I can't.

I feel eyes on me—though no one is looking.

Panic.

It's rising.

I'm panicking.

No—

No!

"ZHOU XINYU!"

Sohyun POV

What is wrong with her? Like—does she seriously want to bring it all back? I already explained it to her earlier, and yet she kept pushing, like it wasn't enough. Yes, technically I can ask for help from people in class, but who am I really, huh? She doesn't get it. She doesn't know me. All she does is talk—yap about what I should do and what's "good" for me—

"Someone's mad," a soft voice chimes in beside me.

"I AM, NOW—F*CK OFF!"

Silence. Though it's outside, it's silence suddenly.

I blink.

Oh no...

It's Lynn.

My stomach drops.

She looks startled, shrinking back a little with that wide-eyed look she always gets when someone raises their voice. She doesn't deserve that. Not even a little.

I immediately feel like the worst human alive.

"Oh—... I'm—sorry... eonnie."

No no no no... I just snapped at the most innocent girl in the whole damn class.

What the hell is wrong with me? This is so messed up.

"Lynn... I'm really, really sorry. I didn't mean to lash out at you. I just..." How do I explain this? Should I say 'Xinyu pissed me off' like a petty high schooler?

...Wait.

Is that really it?

Is all of this just because of Xinyu?

Why am I so on edge today?

Why did that conversation get under my skin so badly?

"I... I actually understand what happened, eonnie," Lynn says softly, as if she's afraid she'll upset me again.

"I saw you and Xinyu eonnie earlier. It looked like... a little argument. And when you walked away, I saw her face."

I pause.

"Her face?"

Lynn nods. "She looked... panicked. Really panicked."

Great. Fantastic.

I've officially hurt two people today.

Xinyu—who, for all her pushing, probably just wanted to understand me, And Lynn—who was just standing there, being kind like always.

What the hell is wrong with me?

"I need to see her," I murmur.

But Lynn gently stops me with a hand on my arm.

"If you're thinking about talking to her right now... maybe give it a bit of time. She's with Nien eonnie."

Right. Of course she is.

And even though that shouldn't bother me... for some reason, it twists a little in my chest.

Still—

That doesn't change the fact that I hurt her. I acted like a child. I shut down when she was just... curious. It's a sensitive topic. I know that. But she didn't mean harm.

She never does.

So why did I snap?

I glance at Lynn again—her hands nervously clutching her crepe, trying to look like she's not shaken. I hate that I put her in that position.

"You know what, Lynn?" I say, exhaling.

"Let me treat you to something. Anything you want. I feel awful for yelling at you."

Her eyes light up immediately, the way they always do when there's free food involved.
There's a tiny spark of forgiveness behind them.

Thank God it's Lynn.

If it had been Seoyeon I snapped at...

Yeah. I'd be six feet under by now.