Complexity

Guilt to hide

Sohyun POV

"Xinyu?"

It's not that I want to hide everything from her. I really don't. But for this, just this one thing, I need to carry it alone for a while. I was planning to tell her. Eventually. Just not now.

I never expected her to find me first.

It's been a month since I asked Chaewon to teach me martial arts. Not because I want revenge. Never that. I just want to be able to take care of myself if they ever decide to disturb me again. Not only them, the bullies, but also my family. I want to be able to stand on my own.

I can't stay at Xinyu's place for the rest of my life. I know that. One day, I'll need my own shelter, my own money, my own life. I need to learn how to survive without leaning on anyone.

So why does it feel like everything is collapsing just because she's standing here?

Did she find out because I've been coming home late without explaining? Or did she notice something else? Xinyu always notices things. She always does.

I told Chaewon not to tell anyone. And I trust her. I really do.

"Chaewon! You told her?!"

"No? Why would I?" she replied immediately. "You told me not to!"

She's telling the truth. I know that. Arguing with Chaewon won't change anything anyway. The only thing left to do is face Xinyu.

"Hehe... hi, Xinyu," I said weakly.

"What do you mean, 'hehe'?" she replied flatly.

"I'll explain, okay?" My voice sounded smaller than I wanted it to be.

"Instead of saying you will explain," she said calmly,

"finish your routine first. We'll talk after."

...Huh?

She wasn't angry. She didn't drag me out of the gym. She didn't raise her voice. She just told me to continue.

"Chaewon-ah, how is it?" I asked quietly.

"If Xinyu eonnie says so... then yeah," Chaewon answered.

I thought Xinyu would leave. Wait outside. Go home first. Anything but this.

But she stayed.

She sat at the back of the gym for the rest of the session. Silent. Scrolling through her phone. Occasionally glancing up. Sometimes correcting our posture like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Oh, Chaewon... maybe you should bend a little more."

Chaewon is the master here. She's the expert. But the way Xinyu corrected her. So precise, so casual.

"Oh, right. My bad," Chaewon said.

They... acknowledged each other?

"You want to do sparring, eonnie?" Chaewon suddenly asked.

"Right now?" I blinked. That was way out of my league.

"No. I'm talking to Xinyu eonnie."

...Xinyu?

"You can spar, Xinyu?" I asked, genuinely shocked.

"I can," she replied. 

"But maybe not today."

"Oh, come on. One set won't be a problem, right?"

"Maybe next time."

"Alright then."

And just like that, today's training ended.

I couldn't focus anymore. Xinyu was there. Watching. Knowing. There was nothing left to hide. She already knew. Now the only question was what I was going to tell her.

I trust her with everything. Truly. But for this, I wanted to keep it to myself a little longer. I wanted to show her that I could do it too. That I could stand on my own. Even if I failed, even if I was weak, I wanted to try alone first.

Now we're walking side by side.

Not talking.

Not matching our steps.

We always walk at the same pace. Always. But not today.

The guilt starts to sink in. Heavy, suffocating, but before it can fully take over, she reaches out, takes my hand, and slips it into her pocket like it's the most natural thing in the world.

I freeze.

"So," she says softly, 

"areyou going to say something?"