Big Book of Xephna One Shots

Please? For Me? (S)

TW: ANGST and Character Death

It had been about 4 days since he and Xephos last spoke. It had been 2 days since Xephos last left his room to eat. It had been 5 minutes since Honeydew last knocked on the door.

"Please open up," Honeydew pleaded, head resting against the wall next to the door. "Just unlock the door so we can talk."

Finally, there was the sound of footsteps on the other side as Xephos left his bed and trudged towards Honeydew. The soft click that followed told Honeydew that the door was now unlocked. He sighed and pushed open the door, watching as Xephos flopped back onto his bed and buried his face into the mattress.

Honeydew stayed at the entrance.

"I know why you're here," Xephos said after what felt like an hour, his face smushed against a pillow with his back facing Honeydew. "You're checking that I'm taking care of myself." He rolled around to reveal his red-rimmed eyes and greasy hair. "You don't need to bother; I'm taking care of myself just like you want." His eyes flickered down to the ground where dirty plates were piled high. "I don't know why though."

Honeydew sighed sadly, finally moving away from the door to sit on the corner of Xephos' bed. "Xeph'," he muttered and reached out to stroke Xephos' hair back. "I know it seems like it will never get better but it will! Come out of your room and let me help you. Nothing will come from you locking yourself in here." Honeydew paused to tilt Xephos' face to his. "We all miss you, friend."

Tears welled up in Xephos' eyes and a sound suspiciously similar to a sob escaped from his chapped lips. "I miss him so much," he admitted in a choked voice. "It's not fair! Why did he have to-" Xephos couldn't finish.

"I know, I know," Honeydew's hand moved so it was rubbing comforting circles on Xephos' back as Xephos curled further into himself. Honeydew could feel the other man's body tremble with barely contained sobs. "It's not fair but you have to move on. He's gone and nothing will bring him back."

Xephos shook his head. "It's my fault," he said, not able to look at Honeydew anymore. "All of it."

"No."

Honeydew withdrew his hand. "You couldn't have known the reactor would have malfunctioned like that. You couldn't have known the cloning would fail so there is no way you can blame yourself."

"I still told him to repair the reactor though," Xephos croaked, his voice hoarse from the tears. "He didn't want to do it-"

"Xephos..."

"-And I still made him! He told me that he would rather go to the space station and set up the oxygen but no, I couldn't stop being selfish and forced him to do it!" Xephos' voice rose steadily as anger filled him. "I should have done it myself but no! I was 'too busy' with a stupid fucking computer and now he...he's dead!"

Xephos broke off with a shuddering gasp, hand clawing at his chest as if it was near impossible to catch his breath. When he finally spoke again, his tone was softer and quieter. "I should have checked the respawn more often; I should have known it would fail."

More tears fell but this time from Honeydew. He wiped them away with the back of his dirt covered hand.

"I miss him too, you know," Honeydew whispered as he waited for Xephos to look at him. "Not as much as you, of course, but it still hurts." He pulled Xephos into a bone-crushing hug. "It's okay to hurt but it's not okay to shut ourselves off. He's gone and there's nothing we can do about it." Xephos' arms finally moved to grip at Honeydew's back as he continued to speak. "You can't change what happened, you can't go back and fix the reactor or the respawn machine so you need to forgive yourself. You need to live again instead of just surviving."

Honeydew pulled away with a watery smile. "Please? For me?"

Xephos hesitated and let his eyes flicker to the plates again. "How can I?" he asked as his hands twisted in his lap. "I...I can't imagine being happy again," Xephos admitted. "Everything that was bright before just feels cold and I can't deal with it, Honeydew." He pleaded silently with his tear-filled eyes. "I really loved him and I just feel empty without him here. I don't think I can live without him. I know you want me to be okay and to just get over it but I don't think I can; I don't think I want to. It's too hard."

Honeydew nodded and put a hand on Xephos' knee. "I know, trust me I do, but locking yourself in here is just making things worse. Look," he stood up and offered Xephos his hand. "Just come out and try and work on something. Distracting yourself will help much better than lying there and thinking."

Xephos nodded and took Honeydew's hand. "Okay," he finally gave in. "Just...let me take a shower, okay?"

Honeydew smile was wider than it had been ever since the accident.

"That's the spirit!" He began to walk back to the open door before turning back. "We're going back to basics and mining so bring your sword!"

Honeydew was still smiling as he shut the door behind him and leaned against the wall in relief. He had been so worried that Xephos would never get better and accept his help.

He stretched his sore muscles and began to walk back to his own room to get ready when a loud bang halted his progress and caused his smile to drop instantly.

Honeydew didn't turn back to the room, his legs and arms shaking as his mind shut down.

"Xephos..." Honeydew whimpered when his legs finally gave up and collapsed. "Please, no..."

Credit to xephin on tumblr