Big Book of Xephna One Shots

Weight Of The Memories (S)

TW: angst, sadness, alcohol, violence, slight gore(idk, maybe), characters death

Song: Weight Of The World by Blue October

You know that one memory from your childhood which was so long ago, you can't even tell if it's real or did you just see it in a dream? Xephos' whole life felt like that. He couldn't tell dreams and reality apart. It all felt like one massive mess of things. Sometimes instead of fake memories there was just darkness. Like a piece of his life was cut out. It drove him insane, but there was nothing he could do. No matter how hard he tried, nothing changed.

He sometimes found himself in the kitchen, broken plates scattered all across the floor. His dreams torn apart and memories stolen. Lalna stood behind him with that comforting smile of his. When blond saw tears in Xephos' eyes, he'd come closer and wrap hands around his waist, pulling him into a hug. Lalna knew what was happening, but never explained. Xephos screamed, cried, begged, but no. Lalna would not talk. "It's fine. It will all go away. I'm here." He usually said, pressing soft kisses on Xephos' forehead.

Sometimes they would go to bed, wake up in the same bed, but Lalna would have black eye and a busted lip. I just fell over while going to toilet, he said, don't worry. And Xephos chose to believe, not because he thought it was true, but because there was no other explanation.

Sometimes days just seem to disappear. Then he didn't even ask. He just acted like nothing happened and continued where he left off.

Time passed away. Eventually he stopped caring. And it looked like the same thing happened to Lalna. They both began to ignore the fact, that Xephos had no idea what's happening with his life. He seemed lost most of the time. He would go in the bedroom and stare around confused, not being able to remember what he wanted to do. When that happened, Lalna would grab his hand and pull him into a hug. He rarely left the brunet alone. With every day they pulled through, Xephos looked more scared than confused. It broke scientist's heart to see his lover get lost in his own mind and getting terrified by the things he stumbled upon.

***

Xephos' eyes flew open. His vision a bit blurry, making it hard to understand where he was. Few blinks. White sink. Something red. Blood. Whose blood? He looked at his right hand. It was dripping blood. His then. He looked up. Mirror was broken. He looked at his own hand again. Pieces of glass in his skin reflected the light. So he punched the mirror. Quiet sobs behind his back. Slowly he turned around, knowing who he will see there. And indeed. Lalna, pressing his knees against his forehead, sat there. Clearly crying. Lab coat was in the other corner. Tank top Lalna was wearing underneath revealed many bruises and scars all over his arms and neck. Some of them seemed like they've been placed there just few days ago. Some, on the other hand, looked very recent. Recent, as in just maybe few hours ago. Lalna, with his eyes puffy and red, looked up when he heard Xephos turn around and step on some glass. There was dried blood on his chin. Red marks on his neck. Spaceman couldn't handle this scene. He turned away, facing the mirror, or what's left of it, again. He caught his reflection in the mirror. Eyes, that were usually bright blue, now looked dark like the night's sky. Or maybe that was just the lighting. Suddenly it felt like someone had hit him with a brick. He started remembering. Images flooded in his mind, all at once. He relived all those lost memories. In the wrong order, but it all made sense now. Or did it?

***

Every vein in his body filled with anger. Pure, dark hatred. Yet there was a grin on his lips. A body strapped to a table in front of him. Axe in his hand. Pale light fell on victims face. Sjin. Architect didn't scream. Too late for that. He just looked at Xephos trying to understand what had happened to that sweet guy he knew months ago. No words were spoken. Axe spoke for both of them as spaceman let it fall on Sjin's neck, separating his head from the body. Weapon now fell on the floor, where there already was a puddle of blood. Xephos chuckled and patted Sjin's chest.