Taking Control. (a Ninjago fanfic)

Chapter 79- Like prey

R U E

I slipped away just before we left, muttering an excuse about needing the toilet.

Something about the excitement, the tension, the way Jay was smiling like he was trying not to break it—
It made my ribs feel too tight.

I closed the door behind me and leant against it.

For a second, I just... stood there.
Hands on the sink. Breathing slowly, calmly, trying to focus on deep breaths. In and out.

The mirror is too clean. The lights too bright.

I glance up.
Big mistake.

Because there I am—skin flushed, eyes too wide, pupils a little blown.

Like prey.

My fingers twitched.

My heart pounds, and I know it's not just nerves. It's memory. Muscle-deep.

Pull yourself together, Rue. Nothings wrong. Everything's fine. Why are you being like this?

My back made contact with the wall. I slid down it slowly, curling up on the cool bathroom floor, head throbbing and aching.

It was all coming back full force, and I didn't know why.

Why was it making me remember? I didn't want to—

I remembered pulling my hand away to see it stained a sickly red.

I remembered falling to the ground, vision blurring.
I remembered hearing his warped laugh and Kai screaming my name.

I remembered the last breath I took—how it scorched and burned on the way out.

I remembered looking up at the stars, almost at peace because at least I knew it wasn't the end-

But—

I pulled my shirt up slowly.
Not high. Just enough.

Enough to see them.
The scars.

They glinted under the lights, faintly golden, like threads of sun stitched into me.
Jagged. Thin. Crawling up from where my  heart bled that day.
Almost to my collarbone.

I ran a finger along one. Just lightly.

It didn't hurt.

It hadn't in a while.

But it felt like it should.

It felt like it was wrong that I'm okay.
Wrong that I came back when people like Jay...
Like all the other innocent—

I shook my head.
No.
Don't go there.

I grip the edge of the sink tighter.

"You're fine," I whispered to myself.
You're alive.
You're breathing.
You made it.

But my reflection doesn't believe me.

And neither do I.

Because every time I blink, I remember the moment I stopped existing.
The cold.
The silence.
The emptiness.

And I wondered if some part of me didn't make it back.

If maybe those golden scars are just... what's left of the person I used to be.

Don't be stupid. Everything's fine. The mirror fixed you. You're healed.

I let out a shaky breath.
Push the shirt down.
Tuck it in.
Fix my face.

Smile, Rue.

They don't need to see it. Not today.

They've got enough to deal with.

You came back.
You don't flinch.
You're fine.

But gods, it's getting harder to believe it.

I thought I'd be ok. Yes, I died, but I came back. I thought I was stronger than this. Stronger than worrying about it all day and night.

There wasn't even a problem—

Well, yes there was.

Because the scariest thing wasn't even dying, if I'm gonna be honest with myself.

It wasn't the burning, the pain, the sound of my own words getting cut off mid-breath.
It wasn't the way I couldn't move, or how I could feel my own heartbeat stutter, slow, and then—
Just stop.

No.
The scariest part came after.

When there was nothing.

No light. No warmth. No voices whispering from the stars.
No gentle hands reaching down from the Beyond to guide me home.

No soft grass beneath my feet, no laughter in the wind, no flowers, no people, no light,

No dad.

Just

nothing.

And for someone raised in my tribe—
For someone who spent their whole life believing in the beyond, in reunion and memory and the breath that carried you into the next world—

That nothing was the worst betrayal of all.

Because I believed.
I believed my father would be there.
Waiting. Smiling.
Saying something stupid and warm and annoying like, "You took your time, kid."

But there was no voice.
No welcome.
No him.

Just a silence so heavy it could crush a soul—
If souls even existed.

I swallowed hard and closed my eyes.
My hands found the sink again. My knuckles clenched around the rim so hard they turned white.

I want to believe it was just shock.
Just trauma.
That maybe I blacked out before the rest of it came.

But deep down—
I know that's a lie.

He's not waiting.
He's not anywhere.

My dad is just... gone.

Forever.

And so was I.

For a while.

The scars are proof.
Proof that something tried to rip me from existence—
And almost succeeded.

I look at them again.
Golden. Faint. Beautiful, in a way I hated.

Because they didn't feel like medals.
They feel like reminders.
Of what I lost.

Of what wasn't waiting for me when I crossed that line.

And I can never tell the others.
Not the rest of my tribe, that's for sure.

Because if I say it out loud—
That I died, and there was nothing—

It makes it real.
Too real.

And some things...
Some things are better buried in silence.

Just like he is.

I grip the sink one more time.

One breath in.
One breath out.

I let it all go.

I flushed the toilet just to make the lie cleaner.
Washed my hands.
Let the water run.

The most important thing right now was the awards ceremony, and keeping Jay safe. Worry about your problems later.

I opened the door, instantly flooded with flustered voices and the jingle of keys as they argued over who was driving.

I took another deep breath, the chaos putting me at ease.

Everything is ok.

There might be something after death. Maybe because I didn't really die, I didn't get a chance to see it.

Don't doubt what your whole tribe has built their beliefs on.