CHANGE ━━━━━━━ RICHIE JERIMOVICH ✓

14. THE BEAR AND THE BEEF

14. THE BEAR AND THE BEEF.

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THE AIR WAS STIFFENING. 

THERE were points where Kitty felt as if she couldn't properly catch her breath. Like it was right in front of her, but too far from her reach, and she felt too drained to fight for it, finding herself feeling dizzy and needing to sit back down at the picnic bench.

Sydney stayed close to her, whilst Richie stood beside her, his hand a constant anchor on her shoulder whilst he and Carmy continued to speak. Finally getting everything out into the open. And for the first time in...ever, truly understanding each other. 

Richie admitted to his biggest fear. 

A fear he had since the day Mikey pulled the goddamn trigger on that goddamn bridge. Feeling like he had failed. Like he hadn't done enough for Mikey. That if he had tried better, been more persistent, then maybe Mikey would still be around. 

It was the same fear that Kitty held deep in her own heart. And Carmy did too.

As if they were all a reflection of one another.

Maybe that's why they all often clashed heads. Especially Richie and Carmy. Because of how similar they truly were. How much trauma they were both carrying. Trauma of the same kind. One filled with guilt and feeling of failure. 

Kitty squeezed Richie's fingers as she listened to Carmy assuring him that he didn't fail. Something she wholeheartedly agreed with Carmy on. Nodding reassuringly at Richie, as if trying to convey her own thoughts without saying anything out loud. 

Everyone was either crying, had overwhelming tears in their eyes, smoking or staring off up at the night sky. Sydney had tried to smoke, but it resulted in coughing and so Richie took the cigarette from her, finishing it himself after moving away with it from Kitty. 

"I resented you too," Richie broke the silence, directing his statement at Carmy.

Carmy nodded, an understanding look in his eyes, "I'm sure."

"I love...I love your family. And they love you. He fuckin' loved you," Richie said, his chin wobbling and voice breaking at the last bit.

"I know," Carmy nodded, "I know. And they love you. You know that, right?"

"I know. But it's different. I'm like the cousin, you know?"

"Yeah, but Richie, you're way more than that."

Richie chuckled, "Oh, my God, you're a fuckin' idiot," He said, but there was no malice in his words.

Carmy chuckled, "I'm working on it."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Carmy nodded.

"How?" Richie inquired.

"I don't know. I feel like-like that's why I gotta go," Carmy explained.

Kitty sighed as she listened to Carmy's words. Although she had felt angry with him at first about the decision, she could understand it. She knew what this job cost him. His sanity. His family. Claire. Carmy was a good man. But not when he was in the kitchen. 

Richie cleared his throat and looked down, "I missed you."

Carmy blinked, "Wh-You what?"

"Like, um...All that time that you were gone, like, I was...You know, I would just be, like, thinkin' 'bout...you know, like, where you were and, like, what you were doin'. And just like, I don't know, like, experiences you were havin'," Richie explained, the vulnerability shining through his eyes, "This one time that, like, me and Mikey took a road trip together – Kitty was in New York at the time – We had to drop somethin' off for Jimmy and, um...we were, like, cruising down the lake outside of town, and you know, fuckin' good tunes and, um...Yeah, for like, half an hour..." He chuckled, looking down as he recalled the memory.