Good Enough

Chapter 15: On My Own

A/N: Hi. Here's where the drama comes. To answer someone's question I mean for the concert to be on Christmas Eve and the party to be around that time. I may edit the story soon because its so weird. There's a time skip to valentines day now. But anyways it's a bit depressing. Oh well. Here goes nothing. ---

Why did I do that? I'm an idiot. I've completely screwed things up. Nothing's fine anymore, I'm torn. -flashback- February 14. Valentines Day. I've been planning this for awhile. Operation Be Mine, is a go!

"Niall Horan, please go to the gym, Niall Horan." The announcement said. Within a couple minutes, someone came towards the gym. I saw a blond mop of hair coming towards me. Niall. Niall opened the doors to see the gym decorated in hearts and carnations. It was anything but simple. There were streamers all over the place and red hearts and balloons were hanging around. I held the guitar in my hand and started to sing as Niall came closer.

B-b-b-baby c'mon over I don't care if people find out
They say that we're no good together
And it's never gonna work out But baby you got me moving too fast
'Cause I know you wanna be bad
And girl when you're lookin' like that I can't hold back.
'Cause you, you've got this spell on me I don't know what to believe
Kiss you once now I can't leave '
Cause everything you do is magic
But everything you do is magic.
So l-l-let them take the pictures Spread it all around the world now I wanna put it on my record I want everyone to know now But baby you got me moving too fast 'Cause I know you wanna be bad And girl when you're lookin' like that I can't hold back. 'Cause you, you've got this spell on me I don't know what to believe Kiss you once now I can't leave 'Cause everything you do is magic But everything you do is magic. Oh oh oh oh oh Oh oh oh oh oh Oh oh oh oh oh Everything you do is magic. They say that we're no good together And it's never gonna work out I wanna put it on my record I want everyone to know now. Everything you do is magic Everything you do is magic Everything you do is magic Everything you do is magic. 'Cause you, you've got this spell on me I don't know what to believe Kiss you once now I can't leave 'Cause everything you do is magic But everything you do is magic. Oh oh oh oh oh Oh oh oh oh oh C'mon Kiss you once now I can't leave 'Cause everything you do is magic But everything you do is magic. This song. It just came out of nowhere when I auditioned for Jasmine. Just like magic. I loved being able to sing, it was like a language that could express things that words couldn't. I finished the song and stared Niall right in the eye. "Niall James Horan, Will you be my boyfriend?." I asked him. Niall looked at the ground, avoiding eye contact with me. This isn't good. " I'll think about it." Niall answers. -flashback end- Ever since then, Niall has been avoiding me, and I hate it. Louis and Eleanor, who apart from Niall are my best friends,The pair comes to me towards me. "Lou! El!I can't take this anymore! I'm going to go nuts! I did something completely unnecessary. I shouldn't have done that! What do I do? What do I do?" I rant. "You don't need to do anything anymore Eve. All we need is Niall's reaction." Louis states. Niall's reaction? Crap! By the way he's acting now, I'm sunk. He's probably going to reject me, then everything is going to get awkward then we will never be best friends ever again! I don't want that to happen! "Oh no! I better tell him I was kidding! I don't care if he's an idiot! I like that idiot!" I say with panic evident in my voice. I try to run over to Niall who is on the other side of the class, but Eleanor grabs my hood and stops me. Niall turns from where he is sitting and looks at the scene unfolding in front of him. He looks as though he was going to say something but then he chose not to and the room became silent. I couldn't bear the awkward silence so I left to go to the school roof. I haven't had anytime for myself, so I decided to go to the school roof to think. I've known Niall for a while. That first time I saw him, I instantly fell in love with him. When he dressed as a girl at the mall and two guys hit on him it was hilarious. I took out my wallet which was in my bag and looked at the photo of Niall and I in the photobooth. The last picture when I thought he was going to kiss me. Then when he actually kissed me in the play. His kisses were sweet and passionate at the same time. All of the failed attempts from my friends trying to get us closer. One of the attempts were locking us in a closet until someone confessed. No one really did, but we ended up giving each other Christmas presents. I looked down to the heart shaped locket Niall gave me that had a picture of us goofing off inside. No matter what happens, I wouldn't take this off. I remembered our wonderous experiences in the play. There were times when acting became real. Thanks to Niall, I could preform to the best of my abilities. Just like at the concert, I was so nervous but then I was reminded that Niall was there with me. There's something about Niall that I can't help but like. Though he may be an idiot at times, I can't help but love the little things that he does. I really love Niall. Just at that moment I hear footsteps behind me. And look who it is. Niall Horan himself. "Oh. Niall it's you!" I state obviously. I looked at Niall's face to try to study his emotions, but I couldn't. His glowing bright blue orbs were replaced with pale blue eyes filled with shame and regret. "Eve." Niall started. "I've been thinking hard about what you said. And if I were to choice between saying that 'I love you' and 'I hate you', I would probably say 'I love you. You're the only person I can team up with in an intense game versus everyone." I felt my heart skip a beat. It was going mile per second, I couldn't bear it. This doesn't seem like its going to go well. "But, we've been friends for such a long time. I don't think I'd be able to see you as my girlfriend so suddenly." Niall rasped out looking at the ground, avoiding eye contact. "Eve, I'm sorry." At that exact moment, the rain began to pour down on us, just like the storm of emotions going on inside my head. Fury, pain, regret, sadness, love, compassion, the list could go on forever. Why? Was it just me? Was it that I was the only one who felt this way? Why? I looked Niall directly in the eyes and said to him sincerely, "Niall, I've never been good at these types of things. There was this one time where the boy ran away from me." I smiled bitterly recalling the silly memory. I tried to act strong in front of Niall, as if crying would tell him I was weak; something I refused to be. "But I've never liked anyone the way I like you. Everything about you, I can't help but love. Sometimes I feel that I shouldn't; especially now." I rasped out barely a whisper. " Niall, am I not good enough?" I whimpered. At this point I had tears streaming down my face, showing my hated weak side, although since the rain was pouring so hard that you could barely tell the difference between the rain and my tears. Niall stoood there not moving from his spot.I looked at him once more, with tears "Am I not good enough?" I asked desperately yearning for an answer. Niall could not say anything. He was speechless, shocked even. He obviously wanted to just be friends. Why did I do that? I'm an idiot.I've completely screwed things up. Nothing's fine anymore,I'm torn. This was a romance doomed from the start. I don't know why I even tried. Niall gazed at me. His blue eyes filled with guilt. "Eve..." he trailed off. "Am I not good enough?" I yelled at him, venom peircing my wordsz At this point I felt bitter, not at Niall but at myself. I had let myself fall without seeing if there was anyone there to catch me and now, I've crashed to the cold cruel ground. I had been reckless. The rain was pouring down heavily on us. But I didn't care, i only wanted to hear Niall's answer to this question. I slumped to my knees, no longer having the strength to stand and took his silence as a no. We stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity. At one point, it seemed like Niall wanted to comfort me. But he never did. He merely stood there. A never ending pool of tears still streamed from my face. In my mind the only question I could ask was 'Why?' Niall turned around and left, not being able to answer my question. So that was it. I really wasn't good enough for Niall. He had left me on my own. I felt so pathetic. Of course Niall wouldn't like me. I'm not that pretty, I don't have a thigh gap, my hair is really messy all the time I'm not popular, I'm really loud...the list goes on. Whenever I felt down, instead of harming myself I sung. Yes, it seems weird but there are certain emotions that can only be explained by music. "On my own," I sung. I saw a figure that looked like Niall come back to me. I sung a song for him, filled with all the bitterness, anger and for still remaining in my heart, love. But what was I to do now? Was I to go on living life as if none of this had ever happened? I know I could no longer be happy knowing things had changed. Niall was my happiness. Maybe I would pretend to be just as happy as I was when he was beside me. "Pretending he's beside me. All alone, I walk with him till morning. Without him, I feel his arms around me. and when I lose my way i close my eyes and he has found me." That line had never made sense to me before, until now. I'm not sure if it was the rain getting to me or not but the illusion of Niall in front of my smiled with his eyes drowned by guilt and wrapped his arms around me. I could almost feel his soft blond hair tickling my face as his head was in the crook of my neck. I felt safe. He has found me. "In the rain the pavement shines like silver. All the lights were misty in the river. In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight! And all I see is him and me forever and forever." I smile. I look at Niall in front of me. He seems almost happy that my crying has stopped. But he is only an illusion. Niall isn't really there is he? He's left me. I leave his warm embrace and look at him. He is shocked. "And I know, it's only in my mind. That I'm talking to myself and not to him."I belt out with venom laced in my voice. I turn my back on the illusion of Niall. Angry that he is not truly there. I'm on my own, because of Niall. "And although, I know that he is blind! Still I say, there's a way for us." I would like to believe that there is a way. That one day he will like me back. That he is my Prince Charming. I know, it's a bit pathetic of me. That type of love is only in the movies. But is it wrong to believe? "I love him. But when the night is over. He is gone! The river's just a river. Without him the world around me changes. The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers!" I love Niall. Because of him, my outlook on the world has changed. The sky filled with starlight was nowhere to be found anymore, they were replaced by the blurry illusion of a star that's lost it's reason to shine. I was told that "stars would guide me back home", but the stars only shine at night. Just like me, Niall is my star. It seems like its night now. My outlook is dark. "I love him, but everyday I'm learning! all my life I've only been pretending! Without me his world will go on turning!" What would have happened if I was to never meet Niall? What if I was to disappear for a while? He would probably forget about me and be happier. I doubt I would be missed. "A world that's full of happiness, that I have never known!" I belt at my loudest. Anger and regret evident in my voice. Before I met Niall, I was never that happy. It was a foreign world to me that he introduced. He introduced me to paradise, a place I never wanted to leave. But I've overstayed my welcome. Have you ever had that feeling where someone means the world to you, but you mean nothing to them? Niall has become my world. But it seems like now, I'm nothing to him. I slump down on my knees once more. "I love him." I choke out. "I love him." I say with love in my voice. I look to the illusion of Niall who is cradling me in his arms. Looking him directly in the eyes I sing once more "I love him." The tears threatened to return. I was too weak to fight them. I was vulnerable. The tears dance down to the cement, camouflaging with the rain. "But only on my own." I sing lulling myself to sleep. With those words Niall seems to disappear along with the surrounding world around me. The world fades to black and the memory of Niall's sweet comforting embrace seems like but a distant dream to me now.