What Is Love? (BWWM)

Chp 56: Reap what you sow

Patience P.O.V
~Flashback~

"Session 12, day 39 since the accident. time 11:45 A.M.

She set aside her phone before turning her attention back to me with that sickly sweet pastel smile. "Nice to see you again patience how are you this morning"

"...."

"Let's start by talking about how you're feeling today. Are you feeling any strong emotions? Maybe nauseous, anxious ,depressed, anger?"She asked and waited for a reply back but was meet with a bitter silence. Something she didn't seem slightest bit perturbed about. she was familiar with my silence and me her constant badgering. it was almost like a cat and mouse game.

"Nurses told me that you're starting to move around on your own. That's amazing progress! I never thought it would happen so soon. Not after you were given 90% chances of every walking again. it just goes to show how strong you truly are. you should be proud of yourself and I'm truly proud of you as well ." She flashed me a warming smile trying to hide the pity in her words behind that smile.

It pissed me off....

This pissed me off...

They placed me in here like I was some sort of broken doll and the part that is so infuriating is that they were probably right, but it still didn't hurt any less, now that I have to sit here every day being talked to like I was a broken child.

that's why her questions and the rest of the world was met with my bitter silence. From the moment I was recovered from the rumble all I received was looks of pity and hopeless prayers like I was the miracle of a disaster that should've left no survivors and I was. So to block out all of the idle Brattle I fell silent not speaking once for a month and some days. So much so that I had forgotten what my own voice sounded like. That's how I ended up here because of the constant worries of my family. but maybe it was for the best the only sound that would escape was my helpless wails.

and yet my brother's voice echoed in my head, telling me to open up and talk to her " you can't get better unless you speak to her, please patience just do it for me"

I wanted to open my mouth and tell her how I felt, but as the words were lifted from my tongue, My lips would lock like a prison killing the words where they started. I don't know if it was from the philosophy that's been drilled into to me since I was young by my father and mother "don't ever let a white person See you as weak" or just the cloud of embarrassment, shrouded in my mind that I fear will come to reality once I speak the words of my situation into existence.

The words that will make my life a reality. Of how the man I once loved, took everything for me, took my pride, my joy, my love, my heart, my confidence, my passion and my son....and left me here with nothing but this burden that weighted on me.

Almost like I was burned by a flame my body flinched and my eyes shut, trying to repress the memories that bubbled up all over again to protect myself. I circled my arms around me instead. The curtain of silence and solitude was reinforced between me and her cutting off any progress she thought she'd made with the time we spent together.

At my response, she sighed aloud and closed her notebook and shut down the recording before standing up and leaving out of the door.

I guess my stubbornness finally broke her.

I sighed out loud. as I was about to retreat into my thoughts, the door reopened and Dr. Claudia reappeared with something cradled in her arms.