What Is Love? (BWWM)

Chp 13: My Sins

Another chapter enjoy 🥰

Logan P.O.V

I let out a groan with my face completely buried in the sheets before I switched positions going to wrap my arms around the body that lied next to me in the bed.

But instead of a body I was meet with the warmth of a pillow in it's place. At that my eyes flew open before they squinted at the bright rays shining directly into my eyes.

I sat up from the bed with a groan my head pounding from my drunken night and my whole body was sore from a long night. I ran my hand over my face wiping a trail of spit away from my mouth before my hand went to ruffle through my already messy hair.

I looked around the dim room that was still and quiet than my eyes averted to the bed where the body of a woman was suppose to be present, but instead a lone pillow was sitting in her place. The clothes that once littered the floor of the room was now gone except my own.

At that realization my mind started to run and my heart started to race as tons of emotions ran through my mind. I looked around the hotel for any sign of her, but like she was a ghost of my imagination there was no trace of her. This caused a sharp pain in my chest that made my brows furrow.

I took a deep breath to calm my nerves while I ran one hand through my hair trying to gather my thoughts together.

Was she even real at all, maybe she was just a figure of my own imagination caused by way to many drinks. Maybe I was way more sleep deprived than i thought.

I desperately tried to convince my mind but my heart held onto the memories from the party and the events of last night. From the heat of her touch, to how close her body was to mine, her smell, the looks she gave me that sent shivers down my spine, how her skin felt under mine, and the feeling of absolute pleasure she gave to my body.

This feeling made my heart sink into my chest and my jaw to clench. Those emotions were almost engraved into my mind. So to think that she was nothing but a drunken fantasy brought a bundle of emotions I couldn't comprehend......

And yet it brought a ease to my mind about the situation.

I sighed and ran my hand down my face before throwing the covers from my body exposing my semi harden groin that was completely covered in my own essence.

My pints tinted a lighter shade of pink at the mess I made all over myself. I quickly pin pointed my underwear and went to slide them on.

Well if she really dosen't exist I think I need therapy.

After I had put my underwear and shorts on I looked back down to see another pair of underwear that was slightly hidden away under mine and the bed. I picked up the clothing making my face warm up at the realization that I was holding a lacy black thong.

I deeply examined the cloth that I held in my hands as my mind went back to it gracing her body and wrapping around her hips and thighs.

I'm pretty sure something of my imagination doesn't leave behind a thong.

My mind couldn't stop thinking about her body in the thongs that just picturing it made my groin jump in my pants. No matter how many excuses my mind tried to come up with I couldn't ignore the smell of her that had latched onto the covers and the strong smell of sex that lingered in the air.

I felt slightly relieved that I wasn't fully gone from drinking myself silly but I still felt a slight pain in my heart with a question on mind that made my brows to furrow.

"Was I just a one night stand" I voiced under my breath.

I mean we barely know each other and she dosen't owe me an explanation but I don't think I've ever been ghosted before with out even so much as a goodbye.

Did I force myself on her? What if she didn't want to and I completely took advantage of her? No but she seduced me right? What if I took her signs the wrong way? Was I terrible in bed? Did she think I was to small?

These thoughts had me questioning myself and recalling back to when she suddenly stopped after disregarding my pants almost like she wasn't expecting my size. I mean I didn't have the biggest penis but I thought I was at least a good size not to big and not to small just right.

But I guess it's not in the eyes of everybody.

These constant questions made my head start to pound as I felt myself starting to become light headed. I took a seat at the edge of the bed and placed my head in my hands.

Something alot of people didn't know about me is that even thought I was constantly getting doted on by older couples and flirted with by women the truth was that I was self conscious.

From the day I learnt to walk and talk I was always pictured painted as the country golden boy from sunny hill. People constantly doted on me and praised me on how mature and respectful I was.

Especially when it came to how I treated women. While young boys around my age in high-school were sleeping with any girl they could get a hold of I was treating every girl with the respect they deserved which resulted in many mothers asking me to marry their daughters.

I had become so used to the title of neighborhoods, golden boy, that to keep up this persona, I did everything I could do to be the best kid I could be. meaning I had to be perfect at everything I did.

Perfect house, perfect job, perfect girlfriend, and perfect life. But in trying to be perfect, it came with me doubing every move I made and me constantly belittling myself for the simplest of mistakes and the urge to panic if something is not perfect.

I sighed heavily and ran a hand through my hair as I felt anxiety nipping at the edge of my mind, ready to play its part in shattering my image. I felt a hard object prick the side of my leg, making me wince, bringing me out of my thoughts.

I reached into the pocket where the object was and pulled out the diamond crusted ring that shimmered in the sunlight.

I rolled the small ring in my hand as thoughts of maya replaced my rapid ones.

This ring was suppose to be a token of my love for her, it was suppose to symbolize the beginning of my life being spent with her, a expression of how much I loved her and wanted to forever be in her arms.

I worked so hard to get her the best ring. not because I wanted to show it off but for it to be a ring her herself was proud of.

I want to hold her when she cries and laugh with her when she smiles. I wanted to marry her because I didn't need any other woman when I had already found my soul mate, the woman who I wanted to be with through all of eternity.

But because of my own ignorance, I did something unforgivable, something I would never forgive myself for. I had broken the trust and promises that we shared in forming a relationship with my own drunken affairs.

I had cheated on maya

The guilt hit me like a ton of bricks as I grabbed my chest, feeling my heart tear in two. I felt tears burning at the back of my eyes, threatening to spill from my blue irises.

Just the thought alone was like choking on posion. If my drinking was all it took for me to commit such a sin, then I didn't deserve to be married at all.

My body began to shake violently as I clenched the ring in my hand. I felt a tear spill from my eyes and stain my knuckles that was clenched. Before I felt my chest heaved with the first sob as it racked through my body.

I placed my head in my hands as I couldn't stop the tears that poured down my face as I thought of maya.

Poor Logan he's so broken up over his mistake (if only their were men like this😩)