Trust Me

Ghosts

I had given up on trying to figure out what was going on with him. With them. I simply shut off as much of my brain as I could as I walk back home. 

The busy people around me are blurs as I pass through the streets, bumping into a few bodies in my trance-like state. I keep rubbing my wrist where Luke had grabbed me, trying to remember his touch on my skin before it became so hostile.

I walk up the driveway, open the door then close it behind me. I turn around and scream before slamming my hands over my mouth, my heart pumping violently in my throat. I stand, frozen, and stare at the curly haired boy sitting on my couch.

"What the hell?!" I yell as he stands and walks towards me. He doesn't stop until his arms are around me. I don't return the hug.

"Luke." I protest weakly but he doesn't let go.

"I'm so sorry." He whispers.

"'Sorry' doesn't cut it anymore."

I break away from his grip but before I get too far he lays his hand on my right shoulder and moves his fingers down until he is holding my wrist, a blue tinge now staining my skin. He stands there, my hand in his, and he just stares at the marks of discolouration that echo his strong clasp.

After a long pause I hardly hear his dark voice.

"I can't believe this."

I don't have the energy or the willpower to move or say anything. I'm done trying to get something out of him. I'm only focused on his face where I find a single tear rolling down his perfect skin. He drops my hand and turns away from me, wiping away any visible trace of heartache with his sleeve. 

Things seem to be moving so slowly. All my emotions, all my actions are delayed but I muster enough strength to utter the words that have been swelling in my mind.

"You hurt her, didn't you?"

I hear a lonely sob coming from behind his hands which now cover his face. Through choked sounds I hear him.

"I-I didn't mean to."

I nod slightly at his turned back then look down at my shoes. They never do. What now? What am I supposed to do? I'm furious that he had laid a hand on my friend but what was I supposed to do about it? I'm just... me.

"Here's what's going to happen." I say, "You're going to sit on that sofa and you're going to tell me everything."

He has managed to control himself. He looks at me, his eyes are bloodshot. I can see the conflict within him but I'm not backing down.

After a minute or so he heads to the couch and sits down carefully. I sit beside him, turned towards him, awaiting his answer.

He stares at the coaster on the coffee table as his voice fills the room.

"Everything was great in the beginning." He starts, "We went out often. We always had so much fun... But... I- I started changing the more I got attached to her. We had already agreed to not to tell anyone what was going on because she wasn't sure where it was going... Our relationship, that is."

He takes a deep breath before continuing.

"Like I said, I changed. I started taking her to more isolated areas so that no one would see us together. That way no one could try to take her from me. Needless to say it got out of hand... The one day I saw her talking to another guy outside the school building. I walked up to them, furious, and punched the boy. Then... I grabbed her."

He glances at me and then down at my wrist.

"Like you did me?" I question in barely a whisper.

He clears his throat.

"Yes. Only, after that I..."

He holds his head in his hands like I've seen him do so many times before.

"I walked home with her like I always did. But... We were arguing... She was telling me to calm down and that he was just a friend but I accused her of lying. I was so mad that I was seeing red... When she wouldn't admit what I thought was the truth I l-lost control. I pushed her... I didn't know what I was doing... She stumbled backwards and tripped over a lose paving stone. Se fell down and hit her head against a wall."

He stands and starts pacing around the room.

"She was in and out of consciousness... There was blood..."

His breathing has become ragged and he's taking short, sharp breaths. Blinking away the tears as he relives the moment.

"I took her to the hospital where they sorted her out. I don't know what she told them but they agreed to not calling her parents or charging her a cent. After that day... I hardly saw her. I transferred to another school. Last week was the first time I had seen her in two and a half years."

He sits down next to me again. Tears falling from my own eyes this time. He looks straight at me, his face filled with sincerity.

"I never, never forgave myself... I never trusted myself again... April, I'm so sorry. I can't expect you to-"

"You... You keep asking me if I trust you..." I interrupt.

He nods. 

"Every time I am afraid of your answer because... I- I don't think I'll ever be able to trust myself again. I proved that today."

We sit there, staring at each other, but after some time I stand up. I walk across to the front door and open it.

"I just..." I can't finish my sentence but he seems to understand as he stands and crosses the room. I watch him as he advances but he stops before stepping over the threshold.

"This won't end like the last time." He promises. He lifts my hand to his soft lips and kisses my bruised skin. Then he leaves.

Again.