Trust Me

April

It was like being pulled out of a black hole, waking up. I've never felt anything like it before. I felt like I could breathe for the first time in months which, of course, resulted in me coughing like a lunatic. That was such a great feeling to wake up to... Note the sarcasm.

Being able to move again is probably the best part about it. Stretching my stiff and aching muscles after Meghan finally let me go reminded me of the morning after I met Luke at the club. Damn, why do I have to start thinking about that now?

I've had a bit of a break since I've had so many visitors that I haven't had a chance to let my thoughts get the better of me like they have been doing for the last month. Friend after friend, family member after family member have sat next to my bed day after day, none of which was Meghan. I haven't seen her since the day I woke up. I think she might be a little unprepared, not expecting my recovery when it came. She's probably thinking of the same thing as me.

How do we start the conversation we desperately need to finish?

I've developed this compulsive habit of checking my previously neglected cellphone every minute with the small hope of a message from either Meghan or Luke.

Luke...

Here I go again.

Luckily, today has got me focused (mostly) on other things, like my discharge. After two weeks in recovery, they finally decided I'm strong enough to live on my own again. Although, I'm still expecting my parents to be around a lot of the time. Apparently the time in which I made my physical comeback from the coma impressed everyone so maybe that will put my parents at ease a little.

My parents are at my house at the moment, getting everything ready for my return. While they're doing who knows what to my house, I'm packing my things up at the hospital. There is a soft knock at my door.

"I'm almost-" I turn, thinking it's the doctor, "-done."

Instead, I'm greeted by flaming red hair.

"Meghan."

"Hey. I thought I would come help you pack. Your mom gave me a call." she offers.

"Oh, thanks."

If anyone was in the room now, they would freeze from the icy atmosphere right now.

There is a long silence while she stands next to me, helping to fold my clothes and pack them into my bag.

"I wasn't defending what he did." she speaks up eventually, "There's no excuse for what he did. I was just trying to see things from his point of view."

That's understandable, considering their history.

"Yeah, once I thought about it I..." I start slowly but suddenly something tugs at my stomach and my eyes start stinging, "Do you know how frustrating it was..." I continue with my jaw clenched, fighting the growing redness in my face, "...To just lie there and listen to him telling me that he's going to leave when all I wanted to do was take him in my arms and tell him everything was ok?"

My voice growing with every word. My hands shaking from the effort to remain calm and not fall apart right here in front of her. I remain focused on the t-shirt in my hands.

"So... That sounds like you've decided to-"

"To forgive him, yes."

When I look at her again, I see her eyes are wide and her lips are parted slightly. I frown at her.

Why is she so confusing? I know it's my decision but first she wants me to forgive him and now she looks at me like she can't believe it.

"Why?" her tone is unreadable.

I sigh. "You know... I thought about what you said that night." 

He's not abusive. The words echo in my mind.

"I just thought about the way that he was when he was with me, before, when we were alone and that made me believe you. That night, all I could think about was what he had just done. I wasn't thinking about the bigger picture. Do you get what I mean?"

"I think so." is all she says for the moment.

We continue packing the clothes and after another long silence, she speaks again.

"I'm sorry that I'm not being clear about how I'm feeling. It's just that all this has brought back a lot of memories that I would have preferred to keep where they belong, in the past."

Then her hands stop working and she looks at me, her face suddenly overcome with panic.

"I mean, I don't blame you for any of it. I didn't mean it in that way!"

I smile at her and laugh a little.

"I know."

"I guess what I'm trying to say..." she continues, "I'm happy for you."

I look back down at the bag and don't say anything.

"I mean, you spent all that time doing nothing but thinking and you're right, I have no idea how that must feel, not being able to do anything about it. I'm just glad you made it out of there in one piece."

She elbows me softly in the ribs and I see her smile out of the corner of my eye.

I zip up my bag and sling it over my shoulder.

"I'm glad you were there when I did."

"Ugh let's not get soppy now or I might start crying again." she winks at me and for the first time in what feels like a lifetime, I see her smile again. The smile of the night when she opened the door for me. The smile that I had wiped away shortly after that.

I sign the release papers and leave the hospital with Meghan, happy that she is by my side.