Secret Admirer Diaries

page 4

2015.07.24

00:47

One of my wishes is to live one day just like Monster. Monster always lives happily and never cares about what people might think and say. Monster has always been my idol, in everything, but I could never learn from it. I'm still that sad unsocial girl who's always lonely and unwanted. I can never change this me to become carefree and happy even though I've tried so much. I've tried to change my way of acting, my style, I even tried to pretend like l'm cool enough for Monster to be friends with me, but none of them worked at all. All that I got after it was a whole new me who was a liar, a faker, an unprofessional pretender who was only hurting itself. When I think more about it, I believe that I, myself, did break my own heart, no one else did it. And that's the point. That means I'm hating Monster for no reason, I'm hating Monster for what it has never done. It was all my fault as it seems, and everyday I'm doing all of those mistakes again. I'm hurting myself everyday because of a stupid crush that can do nothing for me except from making me weaker and weaker every second.
I don't know who to be sorry for; myself or Monster.
All I know is,

Dear Monster,
I'm sorry for everything and anything, and I think that's the reason I couldn't get you 4 years ago, when I had that little crush on you...

~Secret Admirer