It's been four weeks since that incident with Jai, four weeks since I've been feeling nothing but agony, four week since I've been asking myself, "why the hell did I waste my time on him?"
During school, I tried to avoid him as much as I could. He was always there with his group of assholes and sluts.
Today was Friday, finally the weekend, a lonely weekend. I've been doing nothing but laying down and watching films.
I locked myself in my own room and just stared at the ceiling. It's been a long time, but the pain is only getting worse and worse."Honey, I am going out now for an important work meeting, I might not be back till 11 or 12," my mom informs me knocking twice on the door.
"Yea, okay."
I was actually starving. As soon as I heard the front door slam shut, I went downstairs to prepare some snacks. I heard the doorbell ring. My mother had a key; who could be ringing?
"Who is it now?" I raise my hands up in the air as I approach the door.
"Who is it?" I ask again.
"Pizza delivery," says a voice from the other side of the door.
"Weird, I didn't orde-" I open the door to see the one person I was trying to avoid, with bloodshot eyes. "Jai, please leave me alone," I slowly start to close the door on his face. He stops it from closing using one foot and with both hands he opens it again.
"Can we talk?" he innocently asks.
"No, I've had enough of this talk," I sigh trying to close the door again.
"Listen, Amanda, open the door right now. We need to discuss what happened that day in school," he orders.
I left the door wide open as my screams filled the house, "discuss what, Jai? That you are a fucking asshole and a fuckboy that fucks with every single girl, only to leave them torn and broken the other day? Is this what you want to discuss? Because I'm sure I don't!"
"Amanda, shut up!" He yelled pushing me against the wall.
I could feel my body shaking; Jai has never reacted this way before.
Noticing my reaction, he slowly put me down again, "I am sorry, can we talk? I miss you."
Without thinking twice and seeing his painful face, I shut the door behind us and led him to the living room. He wouldn't speak as he looked around then back at me. We stayed like this for a few more minutes.
Maybe if I speak now and hear him out, I can finally move on with my life, I thought to myself."Why were your friends making fun of me?" I looked down at my sweaty hands, holding back my tears, already knowing the painful answer.
Jai took a deep breath before starting, "remember the day we bumped into each other?" I nodded. "From that day, I couldn't stop thinking about you; you were everything on my mind."
"What does that have to do with my question?" I point out harshly.
"It was the start of all this,"his eyes kind of watered.
"What do you mean it was the start of all this?"
"You were a bet, Amanda," he looked away.
"What do you mean?"
"For fuck's sake Amanda, why can't you fucking understand? You were a bet, a fucking bet!" he cries out loud.
I wanted to stand up and make him leave and never come back, but I couldn't move. I had no control over myself, and no tears were rolling over my cheeks. I opened my mouth, but no sound came out.
"I was stupid enough to agree and do something like that to you; I didn't think that I would ever fall for you. Amanda, I had a lot of bad memories in my past, and I don't want this to be one of them. I love you so much, and I swear to god I would do anything just to make you happy again. This is the last chance I'm asking for."
Don't believe him, my consciousness reminds me.
"I know I did a big mistake, but believe me, my feelings were real. I love you Amanda, and I swear I never wanted to hurt you; I beg you," He teared up, and I lost it. Seeing him this way made me had no control over myself. He deserved it, but I just couldn't see him that way.
"Jai, don't cry please," I pulled him into my chest and patted his head slowly.
"I swe-ar to god A-manda I lo-ve you, and I don't want to lo-se someone li-ke y-ou," he managed to say in between tears.
"Shush, don't worry about it."
I was supposed to be mad at him and kicking him out, but instead there I was comforting him and telling him everything would be okay.
Jai eventually fell asleep on the couch. I covered him with some blankets and turned the lights off. As much as I wanted to stay right beside him, run my fingers through his hair, and make him feel better about himself, I didn't want my feelings to come back, even though I knew they never really left."Amanda, no please, Amanda, I love you. AMANDA!" I heard Jai's screams from upstairs.
"What happened? Jai?!" I run as fast as I could to the living room.
"Thank god Amanda. Thank god you're here. I thought I lost you," his face was pale as he pulled me into a tight hug. His eyes have covered up.
"I've always been here Jai; what are you talking about?"
"I think I just had a nightmare," he sat back down on the couch.
Jai's sleepy voice was heaven along with his messy hair.
Stop thinking about him, I mentally smack myself."Oh, what was it about?" I sat down beside him.
"I can't remember much, but you were in it and so were I. And there was a guy whom you were in love with. You two were.. you know, and then things got scary," he groaned, rubbing his eyes.
"Don't worry Jai, I am here," I smiled.
"I am sorry."
"For what?"
He held his head with his arms and said, "for everything."
"Don't worry, just forget about it."
"Amanda! No, I can't forget about it. Do you understand how hard it is to find someone like you?" he shouts again, "impossible, actually," he mutters silently.
"Sorry," I can't think of what else to say. Now that my mind is not working and I have no questions to annoy him with, I am just using the silent treatment.
"I am sorry, I just lose it when it's about you."
He loses it when it's about me? What does he mean?
"Let's just forget about it for now."
"So does that mean we are a couple again?" he asked, and I caught a glimpse of hope in his eyes.
"I am sorry Jai, but for now let's just be friends, and we will see what the future is holding for us."
He sighs, "fine, as you wish bab- I mean, Amanda," he looks away awkwardly.
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Bad Boy?
FanficHow can you possibly tell a person that you love them? Is it that hard? Is it wrong to feel the whole zoo when you're with them? Or am I just too afraid to admit that 'I love him'?