Broken (Completed and editing)

Signed it.

"How fragile are we, our souls so easily damaged so effortlessly lost. So ashamed of the scars that lay upon our surface caused by the pain that torments our minds"

Veronica's POV:-

Sometimes situations emerge that leave you completely blank. Lost between deciding what step you should take that you would not grow to regret as time passes. You feel lost, lost between what's right, what's wrong. There are things that you can't make a decision upon, you just have to move with the flow and see where the currents bring you. 

Dad gave me two day and of those two, I have wasted one in thinking what happened suddenly to make him ask that of me. I sure did see concern in his gaze, concern that I have been yearning for almost ten years now. But I know one thing for sure that this is not just marriage to him. The last time I saw something similar in my fathers eyes was when we lost mom. His eyes always spoke to me, he used to fear what he would do after her. He used to fear being left alone because mom was the only one he had after his father. I was a child and far from understanding his grief.

Ever since mom passed away I have never seen him like this; that pleading in his eyes that I felt yesterday. It was exactly like how he looked at the doctor, when he was told mom couldn't be saved and it was too late for her.

 All of this has filled me with confusion. One side I feel like finally dad acknowledges that yes, he has a responsibility towards me and on the other I feel that he is hiding something from me. He was never one to share but this was different, even for him.  

I have no idea how to answer him, what to say, when he will ask me of my decision. He said I could study even after the marriage but still it's a big deal for me to start a new life with someone who I don't know, whom I have never met let alone know their name. Also I cannot run from this, like I have always done before, trying to dodge a situation at hand. 

When I walked out of his office I thought I was just having a bad dream but dad called me the very same night telling me he was serious about the two day time thing and expected me to have my answer and he wanted to hear a yes. Did he really leave me a choice? This made me think that if I said no he would still make me sign the papers. My agreement to this is just a formality and he will do what he wants. 

I was the one who wanted him to show me that he cared and now it seemed as if I should have left him where he was. 

Every time I try to make out an answer, I am trapped between thinking that was it dad whom I talked to yesterday-or some stranger. I don't know what to do.

"Why aren't you eating honey?" Brenda's voice pulled me out of my reverie.

"Oh nothing. Just not hungry." I smiled at her standing up "I'm tired, I should sleep, catch you in the morning." both James and Brenda looked at me bewildered "I am fine, just tired. Don't worry" reassuring them I made my way up to my room.

Maybe if I sleep I can actually make a decision, tomorrow dad will want an answer. But sleep will not be as easy as I think it is, maybe if I take the pills. Reaching under the mattress I took out the small yellow bottle and reached for the water on my night stand.

Popping two tablets in my mouth I gulped down the whole glass of water. "Veronica?"

Crap.

I just hope he didn't see me take those pills. James was leaning on the door frame of my bedroom door, smiling at me. He probably didn't see anything.

"Yeah?" My voice dripped with uncertainty and nervousness. Nobody knows that I take those pills. I was became tired of sleepless nights, fighting with a mild case insomnia all the time. Things got worse after whatever happened after mom and it was a spiral of not so great to bad and finally things started getting worse. All day every day I would hear his voice, I could hear his laugh. It certainly didn't help that I had no one to share what I felt.