I am not EVIL, I just lost control

Chapter 36

I don't know how many times I woke up but it seems like I woke up every hour and every time I wake up Malik is holding me humming, lolling me back to sleep, chasing away bad dreams which unfortunately keep coming back

The guilt was heavy on my chest the only thing that comes to my mind to relive the guilt would be to kill myself, but it will be the coward way out and I can't do this to Malik, he said he needed me.

I need to forget or forgive myself, but I know that ether one was impossible. I will always know that I killed people.

At 10 in the morning after another creepy dream of the last look on the Doc face

"I give up, I'm not going back to sleep" I told Malik who nuzzled my neck making me giggle but the giggle didn't last long as I felt a shamed to be happy after what I did.

"I want to take you for brunch" he said against my neck

"How about you go shower and I go make some calls" he said

"Calls? Why?" I asked

"Make a reservation" he said kissing my forehead and walked away, before going out the door he gave me one last glance smiling "Dress Formal, we have a meeting" then he went out the door closing it behind him.

I stood up to see I was still in my cloths since yesterday. I quickly removed them and toss them in the trash. It had blood, dirt and other things I better forget.

I took a hot shower scraping every inch of my body then just stood there under the running water letting the tears run.

I just wish I could forget or when I remember what happen I don't see myself doing these things but someone else. But it was me, I have the memory and the feeling to prove it.

I slid down and sat under the shower head hugging my legs. The worst memory I had from yesterday was the taste of power, it was addective, And that what scares me the most. That one day I wouldn't want to fight it any longer. Well, I guess I have to make sure there wouldn't be a next time.

It felt normal and right to act this way. I barked a bitter laugh, KILLING IS RIGHT. This other side of me is missing with my feelings and thought, I don't know whitch is mine and which isn't

I gave myself a chance at self pity and loathing but Malik was waiting. As I stepped out of the shower whipping off the last of my tears, I made the decision of..... Not sure what right now but I will make sure not to be in a place again.

I walked out of the bathroom wrapping a towel around me and I went to the closet. Jiss was standing there looking through my cloths.

"Ahm. What are you doing?" I asked confused

"I getting you ready for the meeting" she said in duh voice without looking at me

"Put this on" she said walking away but before she left

"Where is Malik?" I asked

"Talking to your dad. Why?" I have a hunch what they are talking about

I wore a white bottom down short sleeve shirt with a high waisted black skirt over it, a black belt and red high heels.

I walked back to the room and opened the big window.

I leapt and spread my wings.

"ahh" I forget about the shirt as I heard it shredding and tried to cover myself with the remaining

I flow to my dad's office window landing to the side not daring to look inside.

I know it's wrong but I know they are talking about me and I need to know what my dad and Malik think about me. How pathetic.

"All of them, she have control on all powers and she doesn't even know it" dad sounded shocked

"She know it" Malik said "or her instinct does" he added quietly

"That what she have to fight against for the rest of her life" now dad sounded angry

"But she won" Malik was proud

"No, if she won then she wouldn't have to fight again. Will she win every time"

"But she came back" you can hear the pain in his voice, I felt my pain mirroring his.

I couldn't take any more so I went back to my room

"What have you done" Jiss looked at my shirt horrified

"Sorry?" I smiled sheepishly

"I'll find another shirt for you, go to Diana" she lead me to the makeup and hair expert.

As I sat there I thought about yesterday, I have the memories of me doing these things, ME not something controlling my body.

Will it always be like this? Losing my temper wouldn't mean yelling or fighting but that I might hurt someone or worse, it is terrifying.

Life might be safer if I wasn't around to hurt people.

I dismissed the thought as soon as it popped in my head because it would be the easy way out, the coward way. It means that I gave up.

And I have a responsiplity toward myself, the people who I love and all demons who depend on me.

"Here" Jiss voice pulled me back to realty as she handed me a shirt similar to the first one.

After I finished getting ready Jiss handed me my sunglasses smiling "It's your first date with Malik" she winked "have fun"

I felt my cheeks warm up. It isn't a date. Is it?

When I walked down satires Malik was waiting looking yummy in a fitting back T-shirt and back skinny jeans.

I lift my eyebrows in a question

"I will be acting as guard" he said

"I already have two guards" I said. Chase and Jack were leaning at the wall next to the entrance wearing the same as Malik.

"I will be the one in front, they will be flanking you" he said smirking "I will also ride in the limousine with you" he said.

"Wouldn't people notice that a guard is sitting at the table with me?" I asked

"There would be no people. The restaurant is owned by a demon and he already now me" he said his smirk widening.

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We walked in the restaurant

"Welcome, your highness" The host bowed at me, a demon.

She turned and bowed to Malik "Your highness"

"Your requested table is ready" she said leading us inside to the center of the restaurant.

The whole place was empty with soft music playing at the background. We all sat down. All the waiters are demons.

I ordered pancakes, eggs and hush browns. I didn't eat since yesterday afternoon, you can't blame me.

Sipping my coffee "What is this meeting anyway?" I asked

The guys shared a LOOK then Malik cleared his throat "We have to talk to the FBI and the military about the bombing and what happen yesterday" he gushed out.

It took a moment to sink in then my vision goes red and the table started shaking, actually the whole restaurant was shaking.

"We can buy some Ice cream, we don't need to be on time" Malik smirked

"Oh, your goooood" I said smirking back at him. The shaking stopped but the eyes needs some time.