"how are you?"
"i'm fine",
i say,
yet..
as i walk,
i anxiously check,
if i don't look too fat
in my clothes.
as i widely grin,
i pull my hand
up to my mouth
hoping to cover my smile.
as i struggle to get out of bed,
i stare at the ceiling,
a tear runs down my face,
because i'm thinking
if it's okay for me to be alive.
as my opinion
doesn't get reciprocated,
i fall into a different world,
staring blankly off into the space,
thinking of what's wrong with me.
as my friend
takes a picture of me,
i quickly look at it,
"i look fat", i think,
and i silently hope
my friend deletes the picture.
as i stare at the mirror,
i can't help but cry,
i look like him,
and it breaks
my heart apart
to realize that.
as i realize,
my mum is my mum,
yet, she always finds
a way to make me feel
even worse about myself.
as i lay in my bed
for far too long,
i realize i'm not resting,
i'm rotting away silently,
my mind is tearing me apart,
yet my expression is as blank
as it can be.
as i pray
for a better day.
as i try to get my point across,
but my words
get stuck in my throat,
and i begin
to suffocate
and cry in silence.
as i rock my feet
back and forth,
i pick at the skin
on my lips nervously,
i can't help but think;
"why am i here?"
