What Have I Become?

Chapter 31: The Dwindled.

(Eva's POV)

It has been a month and two days since we have lost our precious daughter. Ever since then I just sit in my room and attempt my chores as best as possible, with the help of Sebastian if course.

Just the other day I caught him crying in the shower, but I have been doing the same. It breaks my heart even more to see him like this. I've had more thoughts of ending my life. I find myself more and more like my father with each passing day.

I was currently sitting in my room on the bed. I can't even bring myself to go into the nursery. My knees were pulled up to my chest and my face was buried into them.

The door slowly opened, and in walked Sebastian. He walked over and sat beside me.

"Love, you have not eaten in days. Please, come in the kitchen." He said with a worried tone.

"I'm far to sad to worry about something as silly as eating." He pulled me close with both of his hands.

"I know this is all so traumatizing, but you have to eat love. You can not starve yourself."

I looked up at him, a tear escaping out of the corner of my eye. "Sebastian. How are you handling all of this so well?"

He he glanced up towards the wall and back down to me.

"It may not look like it on the outside, but on the inside I'm falling apart. I can not stand the thought of losing you as well. If you were to ever leave me I can not imagine what I would do with myself, besides fulfill the contract with the young master. I'm devastated that you would ever think of ending your life. You can pull through this Eva. You are a very strong woman. I need you in my life, I need you to live."

I looked down and back up at him. "I need to get out of this mansion for a while. Sometimes I feel as if the walls are closing in on me. Just being here makes me even more depressed."

Sebastian raised a brow. "I have an idea love, with the young masters permission, of course."

"I'm listening." I raised a brow in curiosity. "Let's take a visit to the Hellsing manor. That would for sure take our minds off things for a while."

I nodded my head in agreement. "I shall call Sir Integra, you ask the young master for consent."

He nodded his head and stood up. Before he left he placed a soft kiss on my forehead. "Please do not ever forget how much I love you my dear."

I returned his kiss. "I would never dream of it, and you never forget how much I love you Sebastian."

He smiled and walked out. I stood up and walked over to the vanity and picked up the phone.

I dialed the number and waited for an answer.

"Hello? Walter speaking."
"Walter, it's Eva. May I speak to Sir Integra please?"
"Yes, one moment please."

There was a moment of silence, and then a voice.

"Hello Eva, how are you?"
"Not too good Sir Integra. I have a favor to ask."
"Go on, I am listening."

"Could we possibly come visit for a bit?"

There was a silent pause.
"Of course Eva, when will we be expecting you?"

"Today, if it isn't any trouble."
"It isn't any trouble at all. I will send Walter for the two of you in an hour. Is that alright?"

"Yes, it's perfect. Thank you so much Integra."
"You are quite welcome Eva. I shall see you when you arrive."
"I shall be seeing you as well. Goodbye Sir Integra."
"Goodbye Eva."

I hung up the phone and sat it back down just in time for Sebastian's arrival.

"Sir Integra said she would be more than happy to have us. What did the young master say?"

He walked over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. "He said stay as long as we'd like."

I let out a sigh of relief and wrapped my arms around his neck. I placed a soft kiss on his lips. He smirked and ran his fingers through my hair, and I did the same with his.

He placed his hand on the back of my neck, deepening the kiss.

He pulled away and brushed some hair behind my ear. "You really are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen in my existence."

I blushed and smiled, something I haven't done in a while. I brushed some hair out of his face as well.

"And you are the most devilishly handsome man I have ever seen. I love you so much."

He caressed my cheek with his hand. "I love you so much as well my dear. Let's go pack our things."

I kissed him once more and pulled apart. Since we share the same room now, all of our stuff is together.

We both collected our bags from the wardrobe and began packing our things.

When we were finished, we walked upstairs to the front door and sat down our bags.

As if on queue, there was a knock at the door. Sebastian opened it and revealed a bowing Walter.

"Good afternoon, I am here to escort you to the Hellsing estate."

"Hello Walter. How are you?" He straightened up and gave me a smile.

"I am fine, how are you Mrs. Eva? You are looking quite lovely today."

"Thank you Walter, and not so well I'm afraid." He frowned.

"I am sorry to hear that my lady. Please, allow me to take your bags."

Sebastian bowed. "Thank you Walter."

Walter bowed as well. "You are welcome Sir Sebastian."

He collected our bags and headed for the car, we trailed along behind him. When we reached the carriage, Sebastian opened the door and helped me in. He sat down beside me and grabbed my hand.

Maybe this is exactly what we need. Maybe I can stop myself from what I'm becoming, and save my own life. Maybe. Just maybe.