Depression Doesn't Mean Self Harm.

Because I'm not sane like that.

It was three weeks before my birthday and one day before school. I wasn't really excited for school but I was really excited for my birthday, like super excited.

Since I didn't have any friends to invite to a party and it would be weird for Rachel and Tom's friends to come over and celebrate a girls birthday that they hardly know so I guess I could rule that out as an option.

I could probably just go for dinner with the Burke family and invite Tony too, I guess that'll be doable.

"Earth to Sophia" Cole said snapping his fingers in front of my face "You keep zoning out, are you okay?". We were currently leant up against a wall waiting for our rides.

"No I'm fine, how are you" I said, he gave me an uneven look before resuming what he was saying "I can't believe we are going to the same school, I haven't even got my school books ready" he chuckled putting his fingers through his brown hair.

"Yeah, I couldn't be caught dead with you " I laughed, he pushed my side a bit "The feelings mutual".

I've became really close with Cole and I'm starting to have personal feelings for him, but I'm not going to tell him that, only a girl with balls could do such thing.

"Do you wanna come over, when John collects me" I asked him hoping he'll accept the offer. "Um " he began scratching the back of his neck "That's if your John and Anita will have me" "Of course they will, they love you" "I've only met them once, they hardly know me for all I know" he said "What!!, I talk about you all the time" I told him "You talk about me" he smirked.

Now he was just getting to big for his boots, I'm hardly going to start gushing about Cole infront of Anita and John, I only tell Rachel about these stuff and sometimes Tom when he's not feeling under the weather.

I scoffed at him "What I meant is that I tell them that we are friends and all" I pushed his shoulder back gently "Haha, oh I thought you'd go running off to them and saying how handsome I am" he winked playfully at me "As if"

~_~

"So, Cole how old are you" Rachel asked leaning on the edge of my bed. Cole looked at me before answering Rachel's "I'm 18" "Wow really, Sophia is going to 17 by the end of this month" Rachel said flicking her wrist smiling "Yeah, I know" he said nodding his head.

No one spoke for a bit and I couldn't help but look at the side of Cole's face since he was facing the TV watching Rachel flick through the channels.

I thought his jawline was the best feature on his face, the way he kept tensing it really turned me on, haha lids get outta here.

"Sophia why are you looking at Cole like that" Rachel asked sitting up on the edge of my bed, I quickly turned my head to face Rachel before Cole noticed that I was actually staring at him.

"What are you talking about, I wasn't staring at him" I told Rachel, obviously lieing "You were just staring at him" she said again. I saw Cole smirk from the corner of my eye facing me with his full attention.

"Yes, Sophia why were you looking at me" "Ugh can we just drop it" I said rolling my eyes.

"Sophia" I heard Anita call "Yeah coming one sec. I lifted of my bed excusing myself.

"Yeah" I answered Anita entering the living room where John and Anita were both siting on the couch, I could tell that Anita had just finished a phone call because she hung up the phone and placed it back on the stand.

"Your tests were given back" John began "You have Thrombocytopenia". I was so confused I've never heard of it before "What is it" I asked really confused "It's also called ITP or low blood platelet count, which is basically platelets which clot blood when you bleed and you're really low on that" Anita said.

I didn't know how to react because for one I've never heard of this illness before "Is it cure able " I asked bending my fingers "Of course sweetie it is, but they have to monitor your blood and all, you have an appointment tomorrow" Anita nodded her head.

I was really happy that it was curable and not a severe illness "Wait I have school tomorrow" "Yeah we know, you will be living school and 11, since your appointment is at 12 and the hospital is a bit far" John said. I nodded my head in understanding.

"How did I get ITP" "When you got an injection, it started it" John clasped his hands shut "You should go upstairs and join your friend before Rachel turns him insane". I chuckled lightly and started making my way up the stairs.

~_~

I was laying on my bed with Cole at my side, we were currently laughing at my toes because he attempted to paint them, which he did really badly.

Rachel had excused herself because she missed seven missed calls from Anthony and six messages.

"Your laugh is infection" Cole told me turning on his side to face me, I also turned on my side and we were just staring at each other.

I sighed in content and started shifting in towards them, he registered what I was doing and started moving in as well. "Cole can I ask you something" I said "Sure" "If we kiss what would that make us" I asked.

Cole looked at me then glanced down at his fingers "Look, Sophia we wouldn't move on to be anything, I don't think I'm ready for a relationship yet" "Cole, your last girlfriend broke up with you like two years ago, it's time you move on" I told him staring at intensely.

I could see his eyes shift, whether in anger or hurt "Look Sophia, I never even said I was interested in you, if we had kissed that would had been the end of it" Cole started raising from my bed clearly angry and upset.

"Cole I know I'm really crazy, but I really like you" I told him resting my palm on his shoulder , he shook my hand of his shoulder and started walking to my door "For God sake, you're 16 years old and I'm 18" he said beginning to open my door.

I quickly jumped from my bed closing it shut before he had the chance to leave "I'm actually 17 in a way" I told him clamping the door shut.

"Look at yourself you look like you want to break down, I've only known you for like a month and a bit" Cole tried opening the door my I quickly locked it with the key and placed it in my bra. I know what I'm doing is really weird but I'm ill and I'm never getting better, I haven't taken my medicine in two weeks.

"I'm mentally ill, not pathetic" I shouted at him hitting his chest "Are you high Sophia" Cole asked, sounding a bit concerned.

I started slipping down onto the floor crying into my palms "No, I'm not" I sobbed "My parents never loved me and now look what's happened to us".

The reality of my past has finally hit me, I never really cried because I used to blame myself for doing nothing "I haven't taken my medicine" I told him truthfully "Why" he asked, coming to sit beside me on the floor "Because I want to live a normal life, not having to take medicine, not having ITP or whatever it is".

Cole looked out my window before facing me again "If you don't take your medicine, what happens to you" "This is my first time not taking my medicine for a long period of time and I feel my inner thoughts, my insane ones" I told him truthfully "Why didn't you tell Anita or John or even your therapist" he asked.

"Because, I guess I'm not sane like that"

Hello my chocolate fudges, sorry this wasn't edited, I had to rewrite the last chapter because I deleted by mistake, so whoever is reading it now I'm actually I'm the middle of writing the whole chapter again. Yay.

So Sophia is off her medicine and she also has ITP.

Let me just tell you something, Sophia has an mental illness and she has to take medicine for that, everyone thinks she's insane for what she supposedly did in her old school. Sophia also believes she ill. She has Schizophrenia and Psychosis.

So when she's off her medicine her mind is telling her to go sane basically, even though she's really not.

Spoiler - trip to her therapist and the Burkes find out she hasn't been takin her meds.