Depression Doesn't Mean Self Harm.

I have thoughts, Not the dirty ones!!

It was Thursday afternoon and I was currently making my way towards my therapist, her name was Dr. Hoise, at first she came of a bit intimidating but she was really comforting.

I was at the hospital yesterday, unfortunately I didn't go to school because yesterday I cut myself so bad my bleeding did stop properly till this morning and I just remembered that I had ITP so my platelets didn't clot my blood so I could stop bleeding.

Wow I was really low on platelets then.

After my conversation with Cole I thought it was time to come clean with Anita and John, but I couldn't I just kept playing images in my head of me cutting myself and me feeling like doing it.

Cole texted me yesterday and apologised about how rude he was acting, when it should have been me apologising for probably creeping him out.

I need to ask Anita or John why I have to take medicine, I need answers and fast.

If I continue without my meds and it causes severe damage, well I don't think Anita and John would give me a plane ticket to Florida they'd probably give that ticket to someone else.

Life sucks balls, literally speaking.

~_~

"So how are you feeling today" Dr. Hoise asked me, writing something on her notepad.

"I'm feeling dandy" I shrugged my shoulders and slumped back Into my chair.

"Have you made any friends in school or out of school"

"Unfortunately I didn't go to school and apart from Tom and Rachel, Cole is my only friend"

"Oh and how did you meet Cole, does he live in your estate"

I shook my head and bit down in my lip "No, we met at group therapy"

Dr Hoise nodded her head and started writing in her notepad.

"So how do you really feel today, I want a proper response"

"I'm really tired and I just feel like being alone"

"Why do you feel like being alone, is something wrong"

I thought for a second whether I should tell her that I'm of my meds, but I thought better of it and decided not to.

"No, nothing is wrong, I'm just not really in the mood right now"

"Oh, okay so how are Anita and John treating you"

What kind of question was that! "Like the treaty Tom and Rachel"

"You seem really moody today, you know you can tell me things"

I avoided eye contact from Dr Hoise and started fiddling with my nails. The thoughts kept entering my head and the more I was sitting in this room, the more I felt like jumping out and ending everything.

My left leg started to bounce and I kept biting my lip, the more I did this, the more I felt normal.

"Sophia are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine, do you mind if I leave early I'm not really feeling well"

"You can't leave without a letter from a gardien, your not an adult yet"

I felt really offended and took what she said to heart. If I was an adult I wouldn't be forced to take these useless medicine and I can live I normal life.

I felt a panging pain in my chest and I pinch my arm so the burning sensation it was giving me could just go away. I felt like picking up a knife and dragging it against my stomach.