Depression Doesn't Mean Self Harm.

You're messed up

I woke up on a Thursday morning to the ring of my alarm, I wasn't really a morning literally because I could stay up all the way to 4 A.M and sleep till 3 P.M. I don't know why I just stay up and think about life and it's really hard for me to get up again.

It was half two in the afternoon and my group therapy started at three and I was a bit scared today because I'm assuming in this class I'll have to talk about my past, which means my family, school, old friends.

I stood up from my bed and had a quick shower and brushed my teeth, I hate looking at my reflection in the mirror, I had purple bags under my eyes from lack of sleep and my scabs where just peeling leaving red marks on my arm, I sighed and decided to put my hair into a bun and gel my edges, for no one in particular.

I headed downstairs and saw Rachel in the living room with a guy, Rachel had her head on his lap while they watched tv, John won't be here till 10 to 2, to drop me at group therapy so I decided to butt in.

"Hey Rachel" I said entering the living room and sitting on the couch beside them. She lifted her head off the guys lap and smiled at me "Hey Sophia, aren't you supposed to be gone" she asked "John's not here yet, so I guess I-i I'll just s-s stay here" I smirked at her.

It was obvious she wanted me to go, but I just wanted to tease her a little bit. "So who's your friend" I asked nodding towards the blonde hair guy just staring between Rachel and I. "This is my friend Anthony, I've known him ever since" "Hey" Anthony said to me "Hey" I replied "So Anthony, how old are you" "I'm 17" "Oh really" I asked remembering the time Rachel embarrassed me about me just chatting with Cole.

"Yeah " he said "That's great" I responded "And Rachel's 16". Rachel cheeks began to heat as she glared at me. "Sophia, we are just friends" Rachel told me "and he's turning 18, like this Saturday".

I smiled at her before saying "Yes Rachel, but age is just a number"

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I was currently sitting in the group therapy sitting on the seat I sat the first time I was here, unfortunately Cole wasn't here yet so I was stuck having to mingle with others or just stay by myself, remembering John telling me to make new friends I decided to talk to Stacey and Will, they were both really nice.

"So your 16 right" Will asked me, I just nodded, I couldn't really talk at the moment and I seemed to be stuttering a lot so I just told them to ask me yes and no questions.

"Have you applied for school" Stacey asked, I nodded my head. I was attending St Doms, both Rachel and Tom went there.

"Have you made friends so far since you've moved" Stacey asked. I wanted to say well you guys are my friends, I suppose but I just shook my head and that made Stacey from.

After 3 minutes of them asking me questions Roger started talking and Cole walked in a bit after.

"So today we are going to talk about our past, who would like to begin" Roger looked around the circle, no one volunteered first so he just picked someone.

"How about you Kevin" he asked. A small boy looking around the age 14 looked up and saw everyone staring at him.

"Well" he began "I'm 15 years old and I had an addiction to sleeping pills, since I have insomnia that is lack of sleep, I haven't been sleeping properly lately so like I have a lot of head aches and I feel like sleeping but when I do it feels like I've slept for only five minutes. I had an overdose and was sent to the hospital, they treated me so now I have to come to group therapy".

Roger nodded "In time, things will get better. After a while Roger decided to ask me.

"Um" I began praying that I won't stutter as much as I had when talking to Stacey and Will. "I'm 16 and I used to cut, before Rachel and John took me under their care, my parents use to abuse me I never told anyone because I thought no one could help" I paused for a minute trying not to think about my old life. "My world totally fell apart one day when I was at school" I started "My friends had left to go to class after seeing my bruised and swollen cheek that my dad had slapped, I went to the toilet and I, I" I didn't know if I should continue.

"It's okay Sophia you can stop there" Roger said smiling a bit, "No no its fine" I hurriedly said, I really needed to get this off my chest. "I almost killed someone".

I heard a few gasp around the room and some people had their eyes widened clearly not believing what I was saying.

"The next day I awoke in a bed and I was so confused, my parents came once and told me I was an murderer, that I should be locked up for life, I know I'm mentally ill, I just don't get it" I finished off.

"It's okay Sophia you can stop there" Roger said sitting up straight in his chair, he decided to pry on someone else and that person was Cole.

"I'm 18, umm I used to cut, I also have depression it's not like I'm from a bad background because I'm not, my family is pretty well off, I just had problems and cutting was the only answer to them, when I cut I felt great all the emotions that were building up in me were just released, I loved the feeling of it, it got worse when a girl cheated on me, with my brother's girlfriend, I said I love you to her, I couldn't control my emotions cause I was only 16 then, so I almost committed suicide."

No one said a word for at least a minute until this jerk decided to voice his thoughts "Dude, so you were addicted to cutting" "Yeah, I loved it, anytime I feel something I always snap this band on my wrist to remind me that I'm not that person anymore" Cole said.

After Roger said a few words it was time for the group therapy to Come to an end and it was time for individual therapy to Come to a start.
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Once it was 5 I sent a text to John to start coming, on Thursday sit was a different time that therapy started than my first one. I left the building and saw Cole sitting at the ground staring at it, I decided to join him.

"Why do you sit here" I asked him because this is were he sat yesterday. He looked at me clearly only realising I was beside him.

"I don't know" he said still looking at me. I just smiled, for some reason Cole made me smile automatically, it's not like I'm crushing on him, but to be fair he was really good looking, like really good looking.

"So is it true you almost killed someone" he asked me "To be honest with you, I don't even know, I only remember that I was in the bathroom in school and a girl was covered In blood and literally my memory goes from there" I answered "Wow you are totally messed up", I smiled at him laughing a bit "Not as messed up as you, who cuts and likes the pain" I asked him "When I cut I don't like the pain, my minds just controlling me".

He looked away from me "Yeah I guess we are both just messed up". I shoved him a bit. We fell into silence none of us knowing what to say next, "So when are you turning 17" he asked "September 30th" " Oh that's like next month" "Yeah but I'm two years below you in school because I was born in September" I told him.

He just nodded in response "When's your birthday" I asked him praying that it's like next year June or May. "10th of July" he told me. "Oh so you just recently turned 18" I asked him, already knowing the answer "Yeah I guess, like July was last month" "That's good" I answered.

"What's good" he cocked his right eyebrow in the air "like I mean it's good because I don't want to be friends with some 19 year old, that's so old". He laughed at my joke "What makes you think I want to be friends with some 16 year old, that's so young" he said.

"Hahaha touché my friend, Touché".

Hello my chocolate fudges, it's splendid seeing you guys again. I was thinking about doing one chapter in Cole's POV to learn more about his family.

So I literally had an two hour face time with my friend who lives in Canada and I sent her my book so far (via email) and she absolutely loved it and she told me she had a surprise for me, I almost shed skin (haha).

Spoiler- Walsh your family is welcome (comment your ideas on what that means)