Forbidden

Chapter fifty-three

Songs for the chapter:
Lana del Rey - Pretty when you cry
Justin Bieber - Where are ü now?

***

I've woken up after maybe what appeared like an hour but was the whole night, now I spend the minutes feeling strange. My whole body feels so heavy and plain exhausted. I was tempted to go to my room but wasn't ready to face anyone yet. And that's what reminds me of everything, the reason why I'm stuck in a bathroom where I spent the whole night, listening to Zayn's pleadings to open the door or stop crying..he stopped when I didn't talk at all.

I know he stayed right there, sitting on the floor as if it could change anything. That's probably what he thinks, 'I should stay so she will stupidly think I care.' He's trying to fool me again with his tricks like he cares for me by staying there..not anymore.

With a dizzy mind and wobbly legs I stood up because I don't want to think about him. Although I feel tired and sad, I don't have the push for crying, understandable since I've spent a night crying until it drained me and I fell asleep.

A shower was what followed, my heart rate increasing as did my panic when multiple washes with the vanilla scented shower gel that he had bought me did not fully cleanse away the dirt that I thought my body was now permanently covered with.

I take the towel and dry myself, taking the dress again to wear it but now without undergarments.

After a while I near the sink, turn the faucet on and clean my face a bit sighing in content when the cold water touches my too warm face.

One look in the mirror tossed my calm state out of the window. I pick up a decorative figure that this bathroom has from the sink. I examine it as I stare and can't stand my own reflection, it's revolting.

Do you know that feeling when you feel used.. The feeling of being alone. That's how I feel. I can't forget what happened. I'm trying so hard though to suppress everything. But I still feel worthless. Like I'm nothing but a piece that fits in a game. His unscrupulous game.

Soon my stomach churned at the formed memories that anything could trigger, I had to only look around and everything reminds me of him.

Shouting and screaming I quickly rose my hand then swing it and throw the porcelain figure on the mirror harshly so it shatters loudly.. I don't want to think damn it.

"Olivia, what are you doing?" Zayn demanded to know warily. I've forgotten that he still is there. His voice was deep and raspy, maybe he just woke up. I look to the mess in front of my feet that I just made."Are you doing something to yourself?" he asked bewildered and is again furiously trying to open the door.

I crouch down and pick a sharp broken piece of the mirror from the floor.

What am I doing?

My eyes zoned on the sharp piece as I stood up straight again, my breath coming in slow shaky breaths, hand shaking.

I hear as he's running towards the door and budged it with his shoulder a couple of times, then breaking it. I flinch when the door is forced open by him, my eyes focused on Zayn.

This is what I want to avoid..this encounter.

He's breathing hard, face very tired, onyx hair falling on his forehead, bags under his eyes, glazed bright irises looking at what I'm doing. I look back at my hand then slowly to his sad eyes. His body tensed, big eyes bulged.

"Throw it away. Don't you dare." he suddenly shouted."Are you fucking listening to me Olivia?"

I scream lightly when he runs to me but he pays no mind and takes it harshly away from my hands, tossing it away.